Second Semester Seniors

New Blog Location

2010-12-14T01:02:00.002-05:00

The blog is moving! I can't stand blogger anymore. so here's the new address...

neo-philosophy (you'll get it)

2010-10-13T23:23:00.002-04:00

so in the matrix (get it?), if the architect is so powerful and awesome, why couldnt he have had a juice bar in his room of tv's? or a simple jacuzzi? surely not something that would be out of his way- him being the master and creator of the entire universe. i mean he just has the chair. or is the chair ALSO a juice bar? or is THERE NO CHAIR AT ALL? LIKE THERE'S NO SPOON??!? by that logic there's no room at all. and the architect doesn't exist. unless he's plugged into the matrix from somewhere else, in which case he's probably a really old fat guy in his living room really fucking shit up for everyone.

Will It Blend? Yes! Unless you have any inkling of faith in humanity, in which case no. Which is paradoxical because as soon as you realize you can't have that strawberry banana smoothie you've been looking forward to because your blender doesn't have the torque to chop ice, you begin to lose complete faith in the existence and continuation of the human species, at which point the blender will start working, but you won't be in the mood. so if you're PLANNING on buying a blender, expect to contemplate suicide within a week of opening the box.

some things to ponder

2010-09-15T11:02:00.001-04:00

if i were a child axe murderer, would you still kidnap me?

if you were a kidnapper, wouldnt you be on the same team as a child axe murderer?

i have trouble looking at nature pictures ppl take in normal areas. like a bench. if you want to connect, then go outside.

we should invent something cooler than plates and cups. theyre too bland. something like an antigravitational forcefield that challenges us to glop up balls of liquid like in the movies. id enjoy eating so much more.

everything in life should be made of curves for one day. no straight lines. period.

clear paint is the most obvious idea ever.

they have compound nouns, but what about compound prepositions? ABOVETOTHERIGHTOF

have you ever smashed a coffee mug against the wall? no? you're a fatass.

september 11th

2010-09-11T20:30:00.004-04:00

today commemorates the terrorist attacks. but thats depressing. so. in other news...
many of my classes are OBSCENELY complicated in the sense that every time i try to figure out what FREAKISHLY large textbook i need to read, i get into an APOCALYPTICALLY MUNDANE chapter and then realize, wait a minute im supposed to be working from the lab manual, not the textbook. then i sort of DIE a little inside. but alls fair in love and war. wait until my teachers find out that I'm actually a course evaluator and have direct influence on their pension. now who's laughing, bitch?
i reorganized my room so that my bed directly faces the screen. so now i can...do homework...and stuff.. from my bed! eureka. i also moved the wine to my nightstand. EUREKA!
you may have noticed the slight change of theme in the blog. google has new themes so i looked through and saw nature stuff and i think to myself aww nature what a bunch of pussy themes. then it relaxed me and now its rainy on the website. speaking of rain, bloomington(where i live) hasnt gotten rain in a month until lastnight. i dont understand. they call it a drought but i think that the world is finally cracking down on its exercise routine. ever heard of a crash diet? well mother earth is finally blasting the flab. it's not global warming, people. it's simply good discipline.
I BOUGHT CHERRY TOMATOES I LOVE CHERRY TOMATOES.
my mom sent me a rug in the mail. and im glad she did because its super fluffy. i just dont usually think of carpets as the first thing you would send a college student. i usually think of videogames, alcohol, maybe cooking supplies (not food, just like pots and pans. its actually a problem when you first move into an apartment..), and of course candy. rugs? definitely loved but not expected.
i got an ipod. finally. ive had a nano but its terrifically annoying when i want to listen to a song from it and its not there. or when the battery runs out because ive had it for so long. so i spent the money and got a new one and now im pulling it out of my pocket to change from chopin to beastie boys simply to enjoy the complete random obscure change in genre, something i didn't have, and at the same time hoping someone would see me with a new ipod. but every time i do that i come to the same sad realization that im so behind the 8 ball in getting an ipod that everyone has one and is used to it. well you know what i have to say to that? mine's better, world. suck it.
i started to have quizzes this week. and you know what i say about quizzes.

fuck em.

i got into my yoga class and as hard it is to say that in text without sounding gay, im happy about it. cuz its before my classes and its like when you wake up from a nap and have an epic stretch, extended over the timespan of an hour. of course theyre gonna start making it harder so that'll suck, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
for now, alveedozay. enjoy the nature scene template.

dan. (russell.)

day before classes

2010-08-29T22:04:00.003-04:00

its the night before the first day of classes and I thought, "hey this would be a good time to write down my thoughts". So. This summer has been both long and short. Long in the sense that I've been out of school since the first week of May and short in the same sense that everyone else says its short- noone really wants to go back to classes. That being said, I am looking forward to having a bit of structure in my life, not to mention something to do. I've been really fidgety lately.
There have been ALOT of parties the last couple days. Unlike my position a year ago, I know people now and there isnt enough time to go to all the parties. This is a good thing. At the present moment, however, I have piles of books at my feet waiting to be opened tomorrow. Damn
This year I decided to feng shui the crap out of my room. Fortunately I killed two birds with one relatively inexpensive stone cuz really all i had to do was buy some deliciously smelling things at Target and Bed Bath and Kitchen (That's really all the beyond part is, really.) and candles. So while im extremely relaxed and drinking from the wine decanter that I also bought under the facade of being feng shui but really just because I've wanted a wine decanter since I read jack's parents Wine Enthusiast magazine, I can easily bring a hotass girl back and have an awesomely sexual evening. Boom. Beat that, martha stewart.
One shortfall of having candles in your room. actually two. one is it's illegal, and two, if you're leaving your room quickly and you blow out a macintosh spice yankee candle then grab your laptop forgetting there are still wires connected, you WILL knock the candle off your desk and you WILL spray hot, red wax all over your wall, dresser, and those fancy expensive headphones you bought just to enjoy and then take back before the return policy expires. the best part about that is that the building is new and at the end of the year they're gonna inspect my wall and think i killed someone. but i guess whats done is done
im still on the waitlist for yoga. but im going anyway.
im getting surprisingly good at cooking. ive actually looked up recipes- for example, the other day i found a delicious looking recipe for chicken, went to the STORE to pick up the ingredients i didnt have, then MADE IT and it tasted DELICIOUS. that being said itd be nice to have a servant/woman.

McGravis the Puffer is On His Way

2010-07-02T16:59:00.002-04:00

food for thought

2010-06-01T02:21:00.002-04:00

so (the word i probably most usually start a post with)

ive been extremely bored recently, being home and all with nothing to do other than drive around and get lots of coffee with friends. so i said to myself, what would dan do? this time i let myself down. i went to a bookstore. A BOOKSTORE. and didnt even buy an awesome book. i bought PLATO'S REPUBLIC. before i go any further, let me just say i know what youre all thinking. what the hell. i know. i thought the same thing as i was checking out, but i needed some kind of synapse stimulus so i went with this. and i have to say its quite the brain bender- the first chapter blew my mind and i came across a sentence at one point that i had to stare at for like 10 minutes. then i was like OMG. thats one of the more embarrassing moments but STILL. anyway ive found other things to do since. like AVATAR BLURAY. its awesome.

yeah i still dont have a job. it sucks. I WANT MONEY. money is good. i have a plan for money for next summer but unfortunately not this one. the stock market kind of blows cock recently too so thats a bust. guess i have to sell guns and drugs. i hear the biggest markets are california and jamaica (too soon?.......nahh) ba-doom-cha.

ok so here are my job options:

1. sell clothes at vineyard vines. again.

2. fill divots on a golf course for 20 hours a week

3. odd jobs on weekends for 12 bucks an hour

4. sell my body

numbers 2 and 3 are kind of my favorites but 4 is slowly creeping its way to the top. oh and most of those options are from craigslist. so they may just filter down to number 4 anyway...well see.

im thinking of getting an ipad. u know that new giant ipad touch? that half the world hates and half the world loves? well i dont "love" it but i think its pretty awesome. i mean imagine how convenient it would be when u go take a crap. YOU NEVER HAVE ANYTHING TO DO ON YOUR PHONE ANYWAY. this should be a required installation in ever bathroom. you could check up on the news, watch iron man, buy a new album, all while ur....doing the do.do. hahh

another practical application would be to use it as a GIANT lighter at concerts and blow everyone else out of the park. cuz you have super zippo and they all have their pussy phones. suckers.

the next thing im about to say is going to gross a third of you out, make a third of you jealous, and the other third will just be indifferent. next semester, along with all my other classes, im signed up for freaking yoga. its gonna be awesome. cuz NO GUYS TAKE YOGA. probably for reasons ill discover later but still. thats in the bag. dunk and score. the eagle is in its nest. i stand proud, so you can take it or leave it. im gonna be a ninja soon enough so you better take it.

its summer!

2010-05-30T17:03:00.001-04:00

PARTTY

Theo's Introduction

2010-05-02T20:36:00.004-04:00

my autobiography

2010-04-15T01:25:00.002-04:00

i was born on may 24th, 1991 in hinsdale illinois. i lived there for 8 years until we moved to the east coast. when we got there, hurricane floyd was passing through and all i kept thinking was that the east coast sucks cuz it rains so much. but then it ended and i was like nomg a sky.

years passed and i enjoyed gradeschool sometimes. there were ups and downs. the ups were times like whenever i did something that was frowned upon by any teacher. looking back i liken teachers (at least younger ones) to cops. they were beaten up as kids so they held a grudge their entire lives and decided to take it out on kids 30 years younger than they are for horrible experiences in their own past. and its a catholic private school so they have free reign to be dicks about it. but thats just me. the worse times occurred usually right before lunch when it took all my considerable skill and cunning to sneak potato chips from the bag in my pocket into my mouth when the math teachers back was turned. this turned into quite a regular event for me, and as a result all my friends counted on a chip or two in math class before lunch. recess was alright. i usually played wall ball with the guys or four square with the girls. which of course made me look gay because you never hang out with the girls in grade school unless youre talking about the manliest thing possible. such as dodgeball or who can climb the tree fastest.

summers came and went and i found myself in high school. the summer before freshman year i had a class at rcds for spanish. it felt kind of like school, but i could walk around without someone watching me. and i could go to the bathroom without asking. and i could wear what i wanted. and i had the ability to skip a class. it felt great. so i did all those things, maybe save for the skipping class part (there was only one class afterall). i think that was the beginning of my slightly "rebellious" phase. a phase that has never really ended, but i stopped being kind of a douche about it. anyway. high school started and within the first month i was completely behind in all my classes, grades sucked, mr kyle (the dean) basically hated me, my parents and advisor were breathing down my neck and i was on the cross country team. first things first, quit the cross country team. if not out of the need to get better grades, then out of principle. why i did that for almost 3 years in a row i have no idea. you basically....run. thats it. and its taken me until TODAY to get over that hate. ive just started running again. but now im not racing homoerotic men with short shorts through the woods so i can say i ran an 18 minute 5K. no, no. im running through sorority row with my shirt off. now thats better. i digress. so high school was a doozy for my first year. i picked up the pace by the end of the year. ended up with probably one A (choir..) alot of Bs and id imagine some C's. not too great. sophomore year was probably better than freshman year in that i kind of knew what to expect, but i still didnt really get "it". nothing really important happened sophomore year except for the pope dying, a shitload of terrorist attacks (according to wikipedia) and e-coli infested spinach. other than that nothing really. junior year rolls around and thats what i was dreading. okaay so the college process is right around the corner. so what. sooo... endless classes for SAT testing, i have to get good grades for applications, keep doing stuff outside of school. basically every horrible thing you can think of was packed into junior year. it basically sucked other than some remote good times with friends. having friends helps because you always have someone who is suffering with you. and talking about how much life sucks with a friend can only yield good results. one of which is a suicide buddy. nevertheless, junior year ended finally and it was off to the summer. the last 2 summers were basically me either taking classes or sitting around at home cuz i wasnt old enough for a job. well now i was and i wanted money. so i was ambitious, creative, disciplined, and good looking in the process to find a job. and you know where it landed me? as a camp counselor. yep. i was in charge of a group of like 18 young teenage boys. this is like ages 12 and 13. the age where you become the dick youre meant to be in life. except you havent learned that society doesnt like douchebags so it's completely uncensored. you don't listen, you do your own thing, you act like youre the bomb and everyone else should look up to you cuz youre the tallest person out of the group of campers. reality check: youre 13 years old, none of your body parts are in proportion, you still sound like an 8 year old, and youre being a jerk to just about everything and everyone you encounter. do expect that people will respect you? well you shouldnt. needless to say I didn't like being a camp counsellor. though i had some friends to do it with, so i always had a suicide buddy. BUT. i had a backup plan. i had been applying (before i worked at the camp) for a job at a local clothing store that will remain nameless for the sake of my dignity. long story short i got the job and it was much better in every aspect. people were nice, i enjoyed the air conditioning, they even let me dress up as a giant pink whale. not a fact that i enjoyed at the time but a great story now. now that you probably know where i worked, shut the fuck up.

senior year rolled around and i was so pumped. all i ever heard about it was partying, going out all the time, forgetting about school, etc. etc. wrong. you still have to work your ass off for the first semester AT LEAST. that wasnt so bad though. the testing was over and i could rest my head. for the next couple months it was basically same old story, except we were seniors so life was that more awesome. once second semester rolled around, however, things were different. whether or not people still needed to keep grades up, we still went out. because all those awesome things we heard about seinor year would have gone down the drain if we just kept working and working. so we stopped working. correct choice my friends. so it was basically everything we heard about- parties, staying up late, parents dont really care, etc etc. college admissions rolled around and i admit i was pretty happy with the results. i cant remember what they were but i did have options (still pretty bummed about the upenn rejection tho.) regardless, i loved IU and decided to go there. fastforward through an awesome summer lifeguarding, chilling with friends, goodbyes, etc. that would take too long to reminisce about (although thats the point of an autobiography)

COLLEGE started. woot. let me begin by saying that it was more awesome than i thought it would be. i felt no homesickness because i had just been exiting from one of those "i have to get out of this place" phases. so it was good timing and once we all said goodbye, i was on my own. first thing i did was buy a giant stereo. that was awesome. second thing i did was buy a shitload of food. that was also awesome. third thing i did was go out and party. that was ALSO awesome. then the classes came. i did well but we wont talk about that cuz its boring and vain. so it was time for thanksgiving and all i wanted to do was go home. the whole "im on my own" thing was great but it fades once youve been eating nothing but fried chicken for weeks straight and you have to shower in basically a bathroom stall. but i couldnt go home. noo. spent the break in cincinnatti with my mom's side. it was fun. but still. so christmas break arrives, ends, school starts again, same old story. except now im taking more credits and life is quickly getting more daunting. i decide i have to drop choir. very depressing. very difficult. seeing that id been in choir every year since like 6th grade, it had been a part of my life. so it sucked. on the plus side, however, the ratio of sexually suggestive glances i received from guys versus girls diminished rapidly. it lightens up the atmosphere a bit. and yeah. im saying gays make me uncomfortable. at least in close proximity. if im sitting next to a guy and hes obviously flamingly gay, i can't concentrate on anything other than where he's sitting relative to me and how i would avoid giving any single hint of encouragement to his potential "glances" if you will. i was in a cafe down the street and this kind of fat barista is wearing a tight t shirt with a fur-lined hoodie. gaydar goes off. i still need coffee. so i give him the money and as he gives me change and im STILL making a conscious effort to avoid his gaze and just fill my fucking mug, he CUPS my hand in his and puts the coins in my hand. i just left. i just......left. THIS IS WHAT I TRY TO AVOID. WTFUCKING FUCK. this is a memory ive tried to suppress. why im talking about it i have no idea. lets move on.

well its second semester now and thats what i was gonna write about. classes are better and i hate only one of my teachers and its not cuz im doing badly. its cuz shes a complete idiot. im a firm believer in just sucking it up when you get a crappy teacher because 99 times out of 100 theyre great at what they do, you just have to get inside their heads. once you do that and know how to do it, youre set. but ive tried. and this woman is just so dimwitted, slow, boring, inconsistent, messy, unprepared, that i just want to leave the class after 30 second of her talking. i cant get inside her head because shes just SO dimwitted. but anyway.

thats my life story. i would have put my worst days ever, and i do remember them, but i probably would have called a suicide buddy. i can remember best days ever, but thats another post. enjoy, and go do something useful with your time now. i know i wont... seeing as i just wrote about my life story at 2 in the morning.

cars.

2010-04-14T01:19:00.006-04:00

the human race needs to do a little introspection for fifteen minutes. lets think to ourselves: the one thing that a man can 1)call his own 2)demonstrate the product of his own effort with 3)establish his dominance with, and 4)get ladies with....is being mutilated and prostituted to the whims of so many people that there are so few companies that are left who still respect the ideaology of a car. Crash course (hah) in automobile loving:

1. a car must be beautiful inside and out. this doesn't always mean that the seats have to be made from the hide of a cow thats been fed a controlled diet inside a hermetically sealed ecodome for the majority of its adult life. this means that when you look at any given car, you should stop in your tracks because its a piece of art. take the lamborghini gallardo LP-570-4 superllegera for example:

if you saw this on the street, you had better hope you're walking because if it were me, I'd be landing in the back of the ford fiesta stopped at the light in front of me cuz i was staring. a car should flow from the front to back in a (pardon the descriptive narration) single stroke of the designer's brush. not even kidding. take a pencil and race it across a paper. now do it slowly. the slower line makes it look like you just developed a horrible case of parkinsons... when the companies try to make everything perfect for everyone to like and that everyone will go for, you end up sitting in a car and thinking "this is nothing new". If you've ever rented a car you definitely know what im talking about. nothing feels right. or comfortable. my dad had to get a loaner when the mustang was in the shop. it ended up being the equivalent of what the evil fat assistant robot in transformers 2 would shit. clumsy, ugly, didn't drive right, there were blind spots everywhere so i pissed off several people on the road. needless to say i abused the fucking thing. my point is that you should enjoy seeing a car and being inside of it. it should be an experience.

2. a cars power needs to match its owner. would martha stewart drive a koeniggsegg CCX? no. because that would be ridiculous. she would drive a prius and die in a horrible crash (there's a natural selection process occurring here). Take yourself for example. do you like driving fast? probably. but do you know HOW to drive fast? probably not. (i mean track speed. not 90 on the merritt). just because a stuffy businessman can afford to buy a ferrari, that doesnt mean he should. i heard a story of a guy who went into upstate CT to a track with his BRAND NEW ferrari f430. took like 2 laps, THEN realized that he had no idea how to work a manual and blew the engine. people like that should just go into the jungle and die. long story short, if you want a sweet car, make sure you know how to drive it. and im not exempt from this. i didn't deserve to have a mustang in my last 2 years of high school. was i excited? you bet. but it took a long time to learn how to drive the damn thing (and its an automatic..). lots of lessons learned that would have been easier to cope with in a 1990 honda accord.

3. when you see a car like the scion ix or whatever the hell its called (i call the whole group of those "box cars". for obvious reasons. honda element is another) please spit on it. there had to have been less than 3 days of actual design that went into making those cars. its obvious when carmakers dont care. hate them for it. don't be distracted by stuff like satellite navigation and cooled seats (though they are cool. HAHo). the primary objective is to decide whether or not any given car will represent you well if you drive it down the street and everyone on that street is looking at you and judging from what they see. does that happen? yes. at least i do it.

not all the best cars are expensive either. audi is a good example of beauty, power, etc. so is BMW. it just needs to be obvious that alot of thought went into making the car. in my opinion, american companies are just getting worse. there are some exceptions with muscle car models, but theyre dwindling. the dodge charger is a joke at this point. you can order a 4 door version. what they says to me is dodge telling me "okay well we'll SAY that were badass but then well make all our cars suck more." ford is just doing everything the same but swapping the grills out. yes, the recession has an effect. but thats all the more reason to move out of the country before emission standards throw all the good cars out.

fucking storm.

2010-03-17T21:47:00.001-04:00

spring

2010-03-08T16:01:00.003-05:00

so it's 60 degrees outside and im super happy about that because its officially the start of spring when i go outside and feel the ground radiating heat. that being said, if it goes back down to 30/40 degrees in a week, i will lose my shit. however, THAT being said, it's time to party because spring means everyone is losing clothes. and that means bikinis in the quad. and thats awesome. cuz theres also a volleyball court in the quad. so girls+bikinis+sweat=happy dan. simple math. unfortunately for my classes, good weather makes me forget all about the fact that I'm at school. but thats okay because exams are over and the next week of classes requires minimal work on my part. as a result, the current scene is me sitting at my desk, window opened blasting...lenny kravitz for some reason..itunes genius (it's american woman so its okay). it's based off of sugar ray so that kind of makes sense. kind of. anyway. hope everyone enjoys the weather while it lasts. im off to find something to do with this tennis ball i found in a hallway

its morning.

2010-03-02T07:38:00.003-05:00

Seeing that my clock says 7:35 and not any other possible combination of those numbers, it has to be morning. Which sucks. Well I guess except 7:55. Which would be better actually no that would mean im late. Here I am sitting at my desk listening to lynyrd skynrd, which is way too hip for this early, eating my toast and not working. For the first time in a long time. A LONG FUCKING TIME. like, i cant stress how long its been since ive sat and not worked. i usually "not work" while in a strange or exotic pose, such as those found in karate kid. ohh tuesdays gone just came on. i have happy gilmore flashbacks every time i hear this song. its at the end when happy sees the ghost of the only guy that died in the film. who just happened to be black. so i was up lastnight studying for a midterm i have this morning and for midterms i have on thursday and friday, ignoring the one i have tomorrow at 8 in the morning along with the fact that i have a paper due at 1:00 which i havent startTHIS IS RUINING MY MORNING RELAXATION TOAST TIME

so spring break is coming up and i am super excited. whos excited? this guy. im even leaving a day early because airfare was cheaper on friday than saturday. my moms like can you leave im like hell yeahz. i was like that. just like that. almost.........too like that.... i digress pointlessly

i have 2 minutes to leave. i havent gotten dressed. maybe ill grace my econ professor with my flannel pants and class of 09 shirt. maybe ill even throw some uggs in there. you know what? im going to. and green sunglasses. im shakin things up around here. its time they get a taste of what I can dan russell....yeah thats all ive got. well its my name so its appropriate. ill add a spice to the end to make it sound exciting and fresh. dan russell jalapeno. except you have to say jalapeno like al pacino would say it as scarface. a dummed down version that sounds like he has a cold..."hallapenno" except with fervor and subtle hints of the possibility everyone in the room is on the verge of losing their lives. omg im late. whatever its review and ive got at least the first half of the semester down pat. like a pancake. i dont kno what that means. please dont judge you know what go ahead and judge me. go ahead. i dare you. i dont dare you. cuz then you might come to a conclusion i dont like and when i come back with full clarity of mind i wont remember this and ill be confused as to why you dont like me anymore. okay time to go

hated people

2010-02-25T09:54:00.002-05:00

i dont know about you, but I've met some insanely ignorant people at college. people that tell me things like dylan has no variety and bruce springsteen just wants attention for being patriotic. who the hell do you think you are? If people just took the time to literally go to wikipedia or any other reference source, spent 10 minutes learning how absurd what they just said is, the world would be a better place. now for my rant. lol

as we know, many artists, not just musicians, have been railed about how inappropriate or sucky their music is at any given point in history. this is obviously found throughout history, but I'm kind of surprised that there's still a degree of ignorance when it comes to unique works. Even quentin tarantino and the cohen brothers have specifically unique styles that have meaning, but many people don't see through their use of violence as a channel for getting their message across. heart of darkness was an insanely deep book, but people still watch the movie and all they get out of it is dancing playboy girls and some action scenes. it's admittedly slow, but really? try to look past it. okay, we'd just like to watch a movie without thinking about deeper meaning. its basically half the point of sitting in front of a tv- just vegging out. but when you're reviewing the movie that you watched probably while you were blazed and THEN assess the merits of its plot elements, you fall into this category of ignorance thats hard to escape.

zappa is probably an even further example of this misunderstanding of deeper meaning. while the movies mentioned use metaphors to get the point across, artists like frank zappa, eminem, even elvis presley, used their own accountability to make a point. they set themselves up as a figure to be criticized, but in the process they mocked and satirized the "system" that we know of as censorship. critics derided them for their lyrics and the way they present them. elvis was attacked for his apparantly sexual dancing styles on hound dog, frank was attacked for basically everything he did from his lyrics to the videos he made, and eminem had parents covering their kids ears because of what he was saying. eminem is a slightly different example in this case since some of his lyrics did reveal his intentions to elicit unwarranted anger from critics, but the premise of rattling the cages of the critics stays the same across the board.

there's always an ignorance in someone's mind about how things should be. in the 30's, jazz was associated with the Charleston, which was looked down upon by pompous conservatives. in more recent years, such a trend still continues- a dissonance between the freedom of expression and society's EVER CHANGING definition of propriety. the gap has obviously lessened over the past 75 years, but the ignorance is still there for different reasons. it's now not as much of an issue of propriety but more of an issue of people just caring. this may be the effect of frustration resulting from so much back and forth between the two sides, but there's nonetheless an imbalance between the appreciation of art that stems from freedom of expression and simple act of "watching a movie" to totally veg out. all im saying is people should stop caring about getting the last word about how much a movie sucked or an artist didn't understand the times and care more about putting themselves in the person's shoes. I'm not much of a metaphor guy myself- i like things to get straight to the point in any given situation. I was always somewhat frustrated by the premise of poetry taking 20 lines to say it's cold outside, but when you get over your innate tendencies to voice an opinion, stop and think about why it takes 20 lines to say one thing, you draw different conclusions as to what the poet was saying. it usually doesn't even matter that it's cold outside. likewise, zappa didn't necessarily want to half rape 2 sisters on drugs in dynamo hum. yes, he was appealing to the audience's need for entertainment, but he was also using the material of the song to pierce the cloud of hesitancy that not many people ventured into with their lyrics. we should realize these things more readily and be able to appreciate--not necessarily agree with, but recognize--what people spend careers and lives trying to say.

now if i apply this reasoning to these people in college that I've met, there's a vicious cycle that i just set up for myself. but theyre wrong and im right.

drum faces

2010-02-22T16:28:00.015-05:00

everyone has a different one. here are some of the more famous

drummers with an appropriate caption:

Neil Peart: "THIS IS FUCKING AWESOME BUT ITS ALSO HARD AS SHIT!!!"

The two sides of John Bomham (btw i dont know why the font changed color)

"If you actually listen to this it'll blow your mind"

"FUCK THAT!"

historically/chronologically speaking, this is backwards. he calmed down.

Tony Williams, legend (Miles Davis, Tony Williams Lifetime)-

"ooooooooooooohhhh did you HEAR THAT?!"

elvin jones (coltrane):

"damn right im drumming with my eyes closed. with a cigarette. no big deal."

Ian Paice (Deep Purple):

"I LOVE THIS SO MUCH SO MUCH SO MUCH WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"

Keith Moon (The Who):

"I FEEL LIKE BLOWING SHIT UP ON STAGE!!"

he, unlike Bonham, didn't calm down. at all.

chad smith (chili peppers and my personal favorite drummer):

"woo!"

*BOOM*

"woo!"

*PSH!*

Buddy Rich (BR Big band)

"I could go for a steak."

Steve Gadd, legend (too many bands to mention, but some are chick corea, paul simon, steely dan):

"you feeble cymbal. you are no match for my skills."

Will Lee (not a drummer. obviously. but he's awesome anyway)- David Letterman band, buddy rich (sometimes), misc.- he's kind of all over the place:

"dwaaang!"

Gene Krupa, legend (Benny Goodman):

"hey ladies"

"wanna smoke a joint?"

the elderly.

2010-01-19T09:39:00.002-05:00

I don't have a problem with the senior citizens of today's society, but they frustrate me sometimes. And for the purposes of this post, by senior citizens i mean them plus all who share their mindsets. My econ professor brought something up this morning that got me thinking about this. He was talking about spending time with his older relatives talking about the economy, because thats basically what older relatives would do to exemplify their immense wisdom about society. That's all well and good up until the point that an issue like inflation or unemployment comes along and instead of listening to the guy with the doctorate in the room, they insist that all these problems are the result of CROOKS! NOTHING BUT CROOKS IN HIGH PLACES!..... okayy... you could totally ignore hundreds of years of economics and studies and go for your biased position because you just didn't pay attention while you were in school. i digress. so these people think that the world is going to hell in a handbasket. just like their parents and grandparents did. and probably the same way that we will. but I don't understand WHY. if everyone just thought logically (it's really, really not that hard) we wouldn't have screaming matches at christmas dinner over insane issues (jack.) that popped into one person's mind and they were drunk enough to bring it to light. and why does it always have to do with gays, retards, or money? seriously, at least find a good topic to scream about. like seal clubbing. it's an easy topic. there are two parties, those who are opposed and those who...enjoy seal clubbing. it can include heated debate but in the end everyone just realizes that the issue has the same effect as any other non-profit commercial- you care until you realize that it has nothing to do with you. then you dont care anymore. or you're just too smashed to realize how the conversation went from seal clubbing back to SURPRISE! THE RECESSION! many studies have confirmed that as one grows older, they tend to resist change in their environments because they're comfortable with the environment they've grown up with. well good for them. kinda sucks though because crap changes. if you can just accept that little fact, your life will be SO much easier. will we be upset in 50 years when we all travel in tubes? NO. BECAUSE THAT WILL BE AWESOME. (we'll ACCEPT that the future is awesome, and if we keep thinking that, it will be. even if it isn't. autosuggestion says so.)this tendency goes so far as turning people ignorant. example: at an open mic 2 nights ago, there was a group of SENIORS! called the "Singing Grannys" whose entire repertoire was composed of traditional tunes like row row row your boat, with political lyrics overlaid. they literally just talked about bringing the troops home and why business executives should be replaced. if they actually paid attention to what's happening in the world, neither of those statements would have been made. im not going into them. for the sake of the length of this post.

so how do we address this seemingly innate tendency of the human mind? I propose two solutions: mass suicides at the age of 65 (or 66 so one can enjoy the benefits of social security. unless that falls through. but THAT WILL BE OKAY cuz we'll figure it out. see? not that hard to move on) or...drumroll please... we keep open minds, accept changes in our environment, and possibly even contribute to society through helping to enact these changes? (insert gasp from audience) we'll be in the mental position to embrace changes in society and we won't be able to complain because we'll have had the opportunity to affect the process.

okay, this isnt perfect. it's 10:00 in the morning and class pretty much drained my cognitive capacity for a few hours. but THIS ISNT HARD. thats what she said.

My New (Lofty) Aspiration

2010-01-15T03:50:00.002-05:00

I would love to design a site as hilarious as this one day.

http://pages.prodigy.net/jschla/

winter wonders

2010-01-14T00:14:00.000-05:00

firT DAY OF SECOND SEMESYER

2010-01-11T07:53:00.002-05:00

i got up at 7:00 relatively upset that i was conscious at this time of day. but im in the lecture hall now and my teacher is playing dave matthews with the lights dimmed. so its not that bad. im taking a three hour nap after this. yay new beginnings!

The Seven Pillars of Disnam

2010-01-07T01:38:00.003-05:00

number one, i know prince of egypt is dreamworks. disnam is a principle, not a preferred selection. number two, lindy helped. THANKS LINDY

happy new years!...?

2010-01-01T01:42:00.002-05:00

so i had a great new years and everyone had a great time...except the moment that i stopped feeling guilted into watching dick clark and then realized that he was doing a show with ryan seacrest as a partner and they could only find cripple 15 year olds to sing for them...okay thats being too mean. the kid was pretty good, but I was so annoyed after changing from channel to channel seeing nothing but the black eyed peas and rihanna (who was probably absolutely miserable). how could you wear an outfit like that? this is how jack and i decided the conversation went:

Scene: snowy stage in times square

Rihanna: "I'm gonna wear a belly shirt because that's what my fans want and i need to retain my image or else my fan base will deteriorate and i won't be famous or beautiful anymore"

Jay Z: sees that it's ten degrees and snowing outside. "I'm gonna wear a coat."

then there's ryan seacrest. apart from him being one of the last people i would want to be hosting the new year on television, he was talking CONSTANTLY. one of the best parts of the nights:

"I'm Ryan Seacrest thanking you for joining us ringing in th.."

Jack: "Go to hell."

so. some suggestions for next years' celebrations (as decided between the oracles ie jack and I)

1. jack white plays a part in every song

2. red hot chili peppers

3. ryan seacrest is nowhere to be found

4. black eyed peas do a maximum of 2 songs (theyre good, but they sung the equivalent of an album)

5. ESPN does something other than a massive jump (theyve done that 2 years in a row now)

6. dick clark is protrayed in a less guilt-ridden manner (every time i see him, I hear about his stroke problems. im like ok now i have to watch him. not out of humor because it's just kind of low to laugh at someone with SO MANY past issues, but out of just a sense of "okay he probably has a million doctors and every day pretty much is him teetering on the edge of becoming a vegetable"- again, i mean this in a nice way. BUT OKAY I DONT WANT TO BE GUILTED INTO WATCHING JUST ONE STATION. come to think of it, that's probably what ryan seacrest was for.

7. if ESPN does do another jump, find a less cracked/red-bulled up driver. then he won't slam it into the other side of the jump, claiming it was frossttt. if he was a REAL DRIVER, frost would melt upon him seeing it. thats what would happen to chuck norris and thats what should HAPPEN.

8. if the female who's on stage singing does not yet have breasts, get her off. like now.

9. after the millions of dollars that go into lighting times square, they should have some kind of countdown integration between all the screens. I would love to see the 10,9,8, etc. explode from the coca cola sign outward along the buildings. like pshwaaa...pshwaaa....pshwaa.... it would be awesome.

10. starting at the second of the new year, all the NYC cops should start doing a choreographed performance of "Celebration" by Kool & the Gang. like Reno except....better. rip off pants are required.

these are just a few suggestions. you know, just liven up the party a bit. of course, if I was in charge of new years, everyone would have taken dance lessons beforehand so we could have the worlds largest choreographed performance of thriller ever. EVER.

Happy New Years everyone!

2009-12-31T19:38:00.002-05:00

Well may ye all forget this night pleasantly =) Also I have a resolution to really start getting this blog going, aka me actually being something other then MIA... Though I never understood that saying of "missing in action" outside of a war scenario, I mean MIA works in this context in the english language... but why? There's no action being taken place unless you consider the active blog posters in constant action, but then why does the term MIA work? Danm you English, anywho I'm heading out for my new years, I wish you all the best and will talk to yall in 2010 =D

Who are you?!

2009-12-15T06:57:00.002-05:00

Me? Why am I trying to have a conversation with myself? Well what if both my mind and my subconscious are two separate functioning, thinking, and relating entities that fester their own thoughts and ideas, then all of your thoughts are actual conversations between you and yourself?... Or the aliens o.O Ok, but really what if the government was covering up the discovery of aliens from the public because it would be catastrophic to our knowledge for some reason, and all of the advances in technology we've been experiencing are from the help of "their" technology? Like the idea that there's an alien embassy where aliens and humans alike converse over inter-stellar politics... but I don't mean area 51... because that shit's just not cool on the governments part, I mean really? naming the highway that leads to area 51 "extraterrestrial highway"? That's just fucked up, man. Man, the government's out to fuck with our minds man. Imagine they actually were out to just fuck with the publics minds? That all conspiracies are the product of the goverment trying to have the public question the power of the government, just so that those in high up positions in the government seem more powerful then they actually are with the help of these conspiracies. I'm not trying to dampen the power of the government, but if they actually created conspiracies to establish an apparent highrarky then they're just a bunch of whiny itches whom needed attention and feel the need to wanting to be feared... worst part about all of this? we'll never know... Just like the idea of, if the universe is infinite and there are an infinate amount of possiblities for something to happen, then these possibilities have exsisted an infinite amount of times, because our universe is infinite, it is true that our universe is "expanding" but then what's it expanding into? What's outside the universe? It can't be nothing, there always has to be something, otherwise if there was nothing, then in a finite universe where nothing exists outside of the universe possibilities are null because there're no possibilities that could exsist from nothingness, thus our exsistence would be a mere idea that's falsly illuminated infront of us, or rather you, because how would you know if you're not the only conscious being, and your reality portray's this because your brain cannot accept the idea of nothingness or even infinite. And so, to not deal with nothingness or infinite, a false reality is substituted, being that it is easier to realize finite life then it is to accept infinite or nothing. But, because it is more likely that our reality is infinite, then these possibilities coming true an infinite amount of times proposes the idea of nothing's impossible. There would have to be an infinite amount of gods that have exsisted in our reality with these infinite possibilities in an infinite reality. It's also the same idea that the human mind cannot actually create its own brand new idea's, that everything was either seen or realized prior, or that everything's derived from a collection of thousands of idea's constructed into one idea. Like the idea that as a human race we could never have fathomed the idea of alien's without the introduction to them, either from actual contact, or from idea's of alien's of other cultures being illustrated into a whole alien race to the human race, etc..... Wellll this was fun wasn't it? :-) I have two finals today and I've been up since 6 after going to sleep at 4.... and I was somehow wide awake at 6.... DAMMIT INTERNAL CLOCK, so I am going to grab breakfeast with a few friends then take my finals, woohoo... then I'm done with first semester!

Arcade Fire

2009-12-12T17:37:00.003-05:00

I'm going to postpone the second part of Plan 36G because I need to rant. I know I'm about 4 or 5 years late hearing Arcade Fire, but everyone in college thinks they're amazing so I downloaded Funeral. It sucks.
If I had no expectations before listening to it, maybe I would've liked it, but this is many people's favorite band. People have told me that they cried when they heard the album. Yes, actually cried.
Now, I understand that to fully "get them" I need to see them live. But no matter how much energy and gusto they put into their live shows, it won't change that their songs aren't catchy or difficult to play and their lyrics aren't even remotely deep or unique. I wouldn't be so annoyed if the band wasn't such a big deal, but I've heard too many people claim Funeral is their favorite album to let it slide as just a difference of opinion.
In terms of lyrics, they've shamelessly copied Conor Oberst to the point where I actually heard lyrics from his songs almost word for word. Unfortunately, they didn't even pick good parts. How about this gem - "I went out into the night / I went out to find some light" Really? I'm pretty sure going out into the night won't provide you with any light. Ohhh, you're trying to be ironic. I get it, saying something that doesn't make sense is so edgy. Granted, I'm sure they're going for some pseudo intellectual theme about rejecting standard truth (light) and forging their own path (dark) but that's such a painfully overused preteen philosophy I wouldn't be surprised if Hannah Montana's sung about it at some point.
Anyway, if you live under a rock like me and haven't listened to them, I'd crawl under your rock again. It's nicer there anyway. If you have listened to them and like them, I'd love to hear why because I just don't get it. On a related note, giving me free tickets to one of their concerts also works.

finals week

2009-12-11T17:29:00.002-05:00

i microwaved a waffle. that didn't work.

ive spent more time watching movies than studying

i broke my phone screen. again.

i took a 3 hour nap today after an hour lecture at 11:15 which i woke up for at 11. and MADE IT.

ive mastered the art of morning coffee in bed. it turns on at 7:50, my alarm goes off at 8 which is when it finishes, i wake up and pour it, maybe mix in some peppermint mocha creamer (all from my bed), and hit snooze. ten minutes later i wake up and drink some, hit snooze again. ten minutes later i drink more, hit snooze again, and then i wake up and finish it. by that time the caffeine kicks in and i get up! its perfect......almost....too......per*snipershot*OMG!OMG IM BLEEDING

Plan 36G

2009-12-07T23:14:00.010-05:00

When Senator Creshla called me up, I didn't know what to think. I suppose I was a bit nervous when he revealed his plan, but who wouldn't be. Of course, I acted calmly, but I think he saw through my thin veil of confidence. I was just an ordinary citizen; how could I handle information like that? If the senator hadn't had such a warm, grandfatherly voice, I might not have even believed him.
He told me it was simply known as "Plan 36G," whatever that means. I was told to meet him in front of the Lincoln Memorial on Saturday, barely two weeks after he had called me. I was expected to drop everything on my plate and fly out there. I suppose that's just how these things work, but I didn't like it one bit.
I flew out from my sunny home in Tucson and landed in D.C. early that morning. My underlying apprehension transformed into outright fear when I saw those suits approaching me in front of the statue. Huge, bulky men with shoulders the size of an ox marched toward me. Their death black sunglasses and deep, monotonous voices stripped any human characteristics from them. I timidly followed their lead into a limousine, praying that this was a mistake. Yes, just one, big, horrible mistake. I was the wrong man for the job, clearly. How could I be the only one to see it?
We quickly swept past the polished center of town into a decrepit slum. I was visibly sweating at this point, but I didn't dare say a word about it. They wouldn't understand my fear. They were probably used to this high profile, black limo business, but me? I should've been watching Jerry Springer or watering my plants. Meeting one of the most powerful senators in the country in a dangerous slum to talk about a secret plan should not have been in my schedule.
After what seemed like hours we arrived in front of a small shed. The windows were busted and all the plants were dead. The street was empty and the only sound was distant sirens. One of the men turned to me and grunted, "Don't try anything funny." As if I had the gall! I wouldn't have been able run if they wanted me to. I gingerly walked across the yard in between them, trying desperately not to let my nerves get the better of me. We entered the shed and there he stood: Senator Creshla in all his senatorial glory.
"H-Hello, Senator," I sputtered out. "Nice to, um, finally meet you."
"Have a seat, Nathan." His voice reverberated off the jagged walls, and I immediately sat down on the dusty chair before him. I could see the black suits standing in the shadows out of the corner of my eye, terrifying me without any action at all.
"Plan 36G," he said quietly. The words sounded so grave. I felt a shiver run down my spine. "You know we need your help."
"But why me?" I nearly shouted, my pent up exasperation leaping out of my mouth before I had time to retract it.
"Nathan, we have discussed this thoroughly. Now is not the time for this juvenile banter. The time is upon us! Will you face this like a man or cower like a dog?" His aged wrinkles turned to a scowl and a sharp sting augmented his voice. I wanted to run. I wanted to scream. This was all too much for me. Nathan Lockely, was not built for this kind of stress. No, Nathan Lockely was built for modest wages and quiet Sundays. This was all wrong. "So will you help us, Nathan? I don't have to remind you of the ramifications if you refuse." The words shook me out of my reverie. I felt a twist in my stomach as I quietly mouthed "yes."
Yes. I had just said yes to Plan 36G. The plan that would change it all. The ominous fear that had been shrouding this great country for so long was about to be abolished with a single blow. Midgets would finally be bred out of existence. The world would never be the same.

Part II to follow

Christmas Do's and Dont's

2009-12-05T17:10:00.002-05:00

its that time of year again, and lo, were expected to give people things. yeah i don't look forward to it either. in fact around october i realize that i have to remember to leave money for christmas gifts, and every october i end up PLANNING MY FINANCES. (insert scary ghost noise). anyway, here are some helpful tips when it comes to buying these bundles of joy for OTHER PEOPLE:

1. when giving gift cards, buy in increments of one dollar and please, nothing under $11. if it's ten people will know you're cheap and if it has 26.43 on it, guess what- youre busted. mister secret santa is now a pack rat, not an elf czar.

2. there is nothing wrong with cold hard cash. at least for a college student. IMPORTANT: this does not apply to mothers, grandparents, or dying relatives.

3. iTunes gift cards, not gift cards to Sam Goody (if thats still even in existence) or FYE. who wants to 1) pay more for an album and 2) pay for the songs they dont want? please.

4. if youre buying something perishable like bad chocolate or fresh pears from harry and david, don't store them in your home refrigerator. rather, use nature's refrigerator: winter. if some animals get into it, just say that you went through hell to get the gift. it reflects well on you.

5. if one christmas morning you seem to have gotten the same thing as your parents for someone, take the low road and say that they only need one. take it back.

6. everyone loves chocolate covered strawberries. everyone. even if they say they don't or they're allergic. they love them. get them chocolate covered strawberries.

7. if on christmas, you wake up from a month long acid trip, fret not. capture a squirrel, put a bow around its head, and present it as a puppy. if they ask questions, say it was prematurely born and needs a home. if it starts making squirrel noises and jumping on people's faces, well, maybe you shouldn't have done ten hits in one night in the first place.

8. mothers. this is the hard part. ninety percent of gifts received by mothers are returned. whether you know of it or not. you have to find the perfect one. fortunately, im here to help you:
mothers like services, not goods. unless those goods are made of chocolate, but that kind ofgift is reserved for the spouse. if you are one of those, stop reading, youre good. if not, like I said. massages, manicures, even maid service. but dan, you say, these things are expensive. this is why you get everyone else to pitch in while secretly running a christmas ponzi scheme. except noone ever finds out that you not only used their money to buy a nice massage for mom, you went to coldstone and got a "gotta have it". on THEMz!

9. everyone loves a toto album. every song too so you dont run into the usual problem.

10. inappropriate posters, albeit funny, create awkward situations christmas morning in front of the camera recording a video being sent to said grandparents and dying relatives. they don't know this side of you. keep it that way. else you are subject to a long speech during family reunion dinners about how the young generation is losing its values. and guess who's giving you the eye every couple of seconds during the speech? grandpa. your parents too cuz they know u screwed up. except theyre laughing internally while pretending to be disappointed.

11. girlfriends: lingerie or chocolate. its very, very easy. don't tell me shes not like other girlfriends. she is.

12. brothers: gamestop gift cards. i know I would love one. or those awesome remote control helicopters.

13. on christmas morning, get up first. i know this is hard and not as exciting as it was when you were 7 because you don't regularly get up at 4 in the morning, but do it cuz i say. go into your parents room and jump on their bed asking to go open presents. do this every 10 minutes or until one of them punches you in the face. while lying bleeding on the floor, contemplate the magic of christmas.

14. be honest in your gift giving. but not too honest. if you were too honest, you would give your fat uncle slim fast bars instead of D&D. btw, dunkin donuts is probably the only corporation that doesn't jack it's prices for the holiday season. therefore, the first place you should start is there. everyone could use another coffee thermos. or donut even (depends on when you're buying- that would be the week of or so). after that, hair salons. everyone runs out of shampoo at some point.

15. write everyone poems. this was what i did last year. it was awesome. because people are drawn (temporarily) away from the fact that you got them a frying pan or a box of bolts, and they appreciate the crayon and construction paper juvenility of the whole scene. for these few seconds, you can really honestly feel loved. this is what christmas is all about.

so to recap: 11 dollar gift cards, cash, itunes, store pears outside, confiscate repeat gifts, chocolate covered strawberries, puppy squirrel, christmas ponzi scheme, toto, no funny/crude posters, lingerie/chocolate, gamestop, get punched in the face by ur mom, dunkin donuts, poems.

happy holidays!

DAMNIT!!! OMG DAMNIT!!!!

2009-11-29T01:11:00.000-05:00

Why I Don't Like Music Videos

2009-11-24T14:37:00.004-05:00

Every morning I have breakfast at the "By George" Cafe in central campus. Why is it called "By George," you ask? Because it's by the George Washington statue! *cue laughs* Still, it has a pretty good selection so I can't complain.

The relevancy of this, though, is that they have TVs everywhere showing mtvU. What is mtvU, you ask? Well, apparently, a long, long time ago MTV actually showed music videos. At a certain point they decided that MusicTeleVision didn't need music and decided to air a plethora of ridiculous reality shows. When people started complaining that they would rather see music than clean shaven monkeys attempting conversation, MTV created a new channel, MTV2. Originally, MTV2 only showed music videos. However, the execs at MTV went through a bit of deja vu and again forgot that the M in MTV stood for music and started airing reality shows that wouldn't fit on MTV or MTV2. Why not, right?

So at some point or another, they created mtvU. I think the U stands for yoU (who needs spelling...), implying that the other channels are for someone else, but I won't complain too long since this channel actually broadcasts music videos. Crazy! I'm not sure how long it'll be until they start adding reality shows to it, but the point is that currently, they show a pretty good variety of music videos.

On to the main point! I don't like music videos. It's not that I'm a snob who thinks that bands put too much effort into their looks and not into their music. I'm not that pretentious. My problem is that they have absolutely nothing to do with the actual meaning behind the song. To demonstrate my point, here is what I'm pretty sure goes down:

A bunch of dudes realize they're not half bad at playing instruments and start a band. Let's assume they're attention whores and name their band "Heartbreak City Here We Come" No, that's not that absurd of a name. I've seen worse: As I Lay Dying, Bullet for My Valentine, Casiotone for the Painfully Alone, The Pains of Being Pure at Heart, And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead. Yes, these are real band names.

So this band, HCHWC, needs a hit song. The only creative guy in the group just got over a heart-wrenching breakup and decides to pour out his soul. The first few drafts of the song are just him sobbing into the microphone, but eventually he comes up with some pretty legit lyrics. Let's say he uses a ship sailing alone into a stormy ocean to represent how he's feeling. Hey, with a catchy chorus and bass part it could work.

After writing a bunch of other songs, the band comes out with an album. Let's call it "Lessons in Loneliness, Pt. 1" This band is getting more and more emo... To gain popularity, the band tours constantly for a year and finally gets some attention from a major label. The label loves their frantic songs and wants to re-release their album with a few more songs and a music video for their hit.

Here's where the problem is. The band spent a few months rerecording and finetuning the album with legit equipment after spending a year touring the country after spending a few months writing and practicing. A lot of time has passed since emo-boy's girlfriend broke up with him. On top of that, since the band's rise in popularity, they've been getting a ton of ass and emo-boy has completely forgotten about what's-her-name.

When the director of the video plans out the setting and plot with the band, all he knows is that the song is about a ship. The songwriter could pretend he still cares about his old girlfriend and moan about how lonely he feels, but that's a blatant lie. He doesn't remember how he felt when he wrote the song, and even if he does, his life has changed drastically. The video should depict an evil/monsterlike/stupid girl ruining the guy's life. Instead, the band dresses up as hipster pirates and has a foodfight on a boat flying above an ocean made of paper-mache. Let's throw in a dancing dragon too, it's artistic.

I can confidently say that this summarizes every single music video in the last ten years. Prove me wrong.

dentists

2009-11-19T14:46:00.002-05:00

dentists get too much shit for what they do. by that i mean people ridicule them for being dentists too much. okay yeah theyre kind of creepy and ask you awkward questions about girls when youre in the chair (I had a strange dentist as a child) but in the end, when youre in dire need of someone to drill plaque out of the depths of your mouth, who else are you going to go to? believe me, this is your best bet. and when its all over, they give you FREE SHIT like mint or strawberry tasting dental floss and a new toothbrush. what would be better, albeit ironic, is a milky way or candy of some sort. then they wouldnt have me complaining about the whole girlfriend interrogation. its even worse when you actually do like a girl cuz he somehow KNEW when i was lying so i had to go down THAT road answering questions about her and how often i see her.. looking back this guy was kind of a pedo... anyway what beats the wonderful feeling of a clean mouth thats just been scrubbed with the equivalent of industrial strength cleaner? they have a toothbrush attached to a freaking hose going into the ground- how much more badass can you really get? i guess if their chairs had leather straps to hold you down, but that may be going too far. if i were a dentist i would make slurpy noises every time i put the vaccuum hose thing in their mouths to enhance the effect (its a wonderful sensation. have you ever gone home after the dentist and just eyed your floor vacuum? me neither. but i will next time.) id also jerk my arm and shout obscenities loudly when their mouth is numb and then have a camera take pictures of their faces at the same time. id put it in a nice photo album from walmart for them to take home. it will say "my first cavity". even if its not. the world of dentistry has so far to go, but at least theyve got the whole science thing down first. it would be different if i was in a chair with my mouth numb, i saw the guy jerk his arm and yell OH SHIT and THEN saw blood all over his hands while starting to feel lightheaded. there are prerequisites for dentists to be able to screw with their patients. this is one of them. the other is having proper insurance because im sure there are several law suits in what i just described.
so all in all, dentistry isnt that bad of a job. however, taking into account basically all that i just said a dentist could do is outlawed, i guess it kind of is a crappy job. but hey its a living and whenever you dont have any patients you can play with those weird planes-attached-to strings-on-a-stick thing hanging from the ceiling. i always wanted to whirl that around my head as a kid. idk. just an instinct. and it seemed that every dentist i went to had them. maybe its standard equipment to calm the patient when the dentist actually does sever their nerves permanently..*oh the numbness will go down in an hour or so*...*jude get the keys were leaving town* lol ok ive written too much. YAY DENTISTS THAT ARENT PEDOPHILES!

I Think I'm Dumb (Maybe Just Happy)

2009-11-14T06:02:00.002-05:00

So I don't know how to plan well, apparently. Here's how it started:
So my friend really wanted to see that shitty apocalypse movie, 2012. I agreed to go with him. We took a bus downtown to the nearest theater that was showing it. It was just as shitty as I had expected, but that's not the point. The point is that I was in charge of planning (he's from China and doesn't know how to navigate the city very well) and I didn't plan on the movie getting out so late.

Mistake 1: The movie got out at 1:20AM, and I didn't bother checking the bus schedule. If I had, I would've realized that there were no more buses after about midnight.
Mistake 2: We could've taken a taxi, but neither one of us wanted to spend the money. So we decided to walk.
Mistake 3: I pulled out my GPS and found out that it was an hour and a half walk. Instead of trusting the GPS's estimate of how fast we could walk, I decided that we could could make it in half the time.

Conclusion: 2 hours later, we finally got back and now I'm writing this. I'm truly tired and exhausted and now I have absolutely no confidence in my decision making. Also, 2012 sucked.

uggs

2009-11-10T23:48:00.002-05:00

why is it unacceptable for a man to wear uggs? theyre comfortable, you can wear them on your feet, they have an uncanny resemblance to mocassins, and they provide a utopia for your feet if you walk in the snow with them. it makes you feel special and protected. like nothing can ever harm you again. plan foiled, snow!!

that is all.

naps

2009-11-04T11:50:00.002-05:00

naps are awesome
they make me feel better
as chicks fly for the first time
as birds of a feather

they make me less tired
unless i sleep too long
which happens very often
i might just sing a song. about it.

lalalala naps are great
they make me want
to bake a cake
my rhyme scheme is skewed

like beef on a shishkabob
but thats okay
because my rhymes are delicious
like the beef.

i lost sight of the topic
now lets get back to the naps
they make me myopic
just like a blind cat

naps are the best
on a snowy or rainy day
i fall asleep so easily
especially if im in a bail of hay

eric clapton makes me sleep better
because of his wavy guitar patterns
falling asleep has never been better
i dream of giant urns.

i might take a nap right now
my bed looks so comfy
as i climb into the bed
i remember that moo says the cow.

i cant rhyme very well
as you can see
but random animal sounds
always make people feel free.

good night i say to you
as i depart this string of consciousness
i go to sleep now
nothing rhymes with consciousness.
YAY.

omg too much spare time

2009-10-21T22:04:00.001-04:00

Comparing Highschool to College

2009-10-21T13:39:00.004-04:00

I realized that there are a lot of things that never change and a lot of things that do
Here's what I have so far

Highschool: "You know if we started school at 9 instead of 8 everyone would get much better grades, be healthier, and like life a lot more in general" "Oh definitely, all I want is an hour more to sleep"
College: "You know if we started school at 10 instead of 9 everyone would get much better grades, be healthier, and like life a lot more in general" "Oh definitely, all I want is an hour more to sleep"

Highschool: I'm too tired to go to school today. Mom, can you please call them and say I'm sick? I promise it's the last time...
College: *turns off alarm*

Highschool: Parties consist of 20-30 people hanging out at whoever has the biggest house.
College: Parties consist of 200 people crammed into a house not much bigger than my old room.

Highschool: My mom made me a healthy, delicious meal almost every day.
College: Easymac, Redbull, and ketchup are about 80% of my diet.

Highschool: Friending your grade on facebook is normal and even expected
College: "Did you hear about that guy who friended everyone?" "Ya what a creeper"

Highschool: If you're late to class, "I was talking with a teacher" works almost every time. If you forgot to print, "The tech center printer was down" works almost every time. If you don't do your homework, "I'll hand it in by the end of the day" works almost every time.
College: If you're late to class, you miss what you miss. If you forget to print, you get a 0. If you don't do your homework, you get a 0.

Highschool: If your teacher doesn't know your name after the first couple weeks, they get ridiculed.
College: If your teacher knows your name after the first couple weeks, you're that really obnoxious guy who keeps talking every single day in class (even though there are 100 other people) and won't shut up about what he already knows about the subject (like anyone cares). No one likes you. Especially the teacher. I'm talking about you, guy in my philosophy class who keeps mentioning that his dad works for the Human Genome Project and that it's "a very important project that benefits all of mankind."

Highschool: I think I witnessed one or two fights in my entire time in highschool.
College: A surprising number of people carry around brass knuckles and knives, and the University Police report armed robberies and muggings on an almost daily basis.

Highschool: The food sucks.
College: THE FOOD IS AMAZING.

Highschool: There's a creepy kid who no one goes near.
College: There's a creepy kid who no one goes near.

Highschool: The more difficult the class is, the fewer hot girls there are.
College: The more difficult the classis, the fewer hot girls there are. Also, there are no hot girls in engineering, period. Actually that's not true, there are a few, but 2 or 3 out of a 200 person class is still a terrible ratio. I should've done creative writing...

Highschool: The bathrooms are pretty gross sometimes.
College: The bathrooms are ... so terrible.

Highschool: There's that random senior in a sophomore class.
College: There's that random 40 year old in a freshman seminar.

Highschool: Nurse's office gives free bandaids and stuff.
College: The health center gives free condoms.

Highschool: I had no idea who was on the football team or what position they played, but it wasn't a big deal.
College: I still have no idea who's on the football team or what position they play, and I get a lot of shit for it. Like a lot.

Highschool: Dances suck.
College: Dances suck.

Highschool: Binder checks.
College: Ha, right.

Highschool: Movies played in school couldn't be more than PG-13 and usually had to be preapproved.
College: They played I Love You, Man the first week and it made me so happy.

Highschool: Macs everywhere.
College: Only about 10% of people have Macs, and Linux finally has a legit market share.

Highschool: Despite hearing "I won't pay for Starbucks, those overpriced capitalist sellouts" all the time, everyone goes there anyway.
College: Starbucks got kicked off campus.

Highschool: Kids who wanted to get political joined clubs like the Progressive Political Club and Model UN. These clubs were reasonable and usually intelligent.
College: Kids who want to get political insist that everything everyone before them has done is wrong and start groups like "Obama Is Hitler" and the "Socialist Club" and spend hours spouting ridiculous opinions on the street and handing out flyers that no one wants or cares about. My favorite, though, is the group that spent 3 days in the rain displaying huge posters of unborn fetuses in the middle of the most popular quad, trying to convince everyone that abortion is wrong. That's like showing gross pictures of heart surgery and saying "look, heart surgery is wrong!" It makes me appreciate that annoying old highschool rule that all clubs have to have a teacher chaperone so much more.

It's 2 in the Morning and I Still Need to Write My English Essay

2009-10-19T05:03:00.002-04:00

Oh good god. I just had a redbull to stay up but I'm not sure if it's a good idea now. I'm buzzed but tired at the same time and I think my writing abilities have sharply dropped. I'm not sure how I'm going to write this English essay but it's due tomorrow morning at 9:30.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
I feel so unmotivated and it doesn't help that I'm chilling with friends right now instead of writing. This is ridiculous. OK I'm gonna start writing now. Maybe. Fuck.

future

2009-10-16T01:25:00.003-04:00

so i was on facebook and this socialinterview application asked me if I could travel back in time where id go. so i thought about it and this is what i came up with:

1. id definitely see the dinosaurs first. then id see what really killed them because i bet it was awesome. but id have to leave quickly in any situation. since most of them seemed to die quickly...

2. id hijack a ship on the mediterranean and become a pirate.

3. id bring an AK-47 to the revolutionary war.

4. give a wurlitzer to mozart. see what happens.

5. slap marie antoinette hard. in the face.

6. invest in microsoft berkshire and google

7. see (though i think experience is a better word to use) woodstock

8. go on the titanic and push the girl off during the emotional flying scene

9. meet john belluschi, john candy, chris farley, andrew carnegie, jimi hendrix, and a caveman. just to mess with him.

10. kidnap helen of troy a second time and blame it on another country. repeat at least five times. enjoy the confusion and anger that i have unjustly created.

is this in poor taste?

2009-10-12T21:51:00.002-04:00

Music moments

2009-10-08T21:39:00.002-04:00

i was walking through the rain today and i had my ipod in. suddenly Debussy's "claude de lune" turned on and i felt so much better. about walking in rain. wet. it was fantastic.
but then i got back and realized my socks were wet. moment over.
but speaking of great musical moments, by the end of my life i plan on riding a horse at full speed through the american plains listening to Hoe Down by Aaron Copland, being in an elevator with a hot woman and aerosmith's "love in an elevator" turns on. and i give her a look. and she gives it back. and we have a moment. then we make love in an elevator. thank you steven tyler. and finally, at some point i want to attend a funeral and play dont fear the reaper. i will most definitely be on the cowbell. i should start a funeral performance business...

Who's in college? I'm in college.

2009-10-05T01:29:00.003-04:00

I'm officially settled in at college. woot
Everything is fantastic (obviously), especially all the free time. My favorite realization so far, however, is that because there are 15,000 undergraduate girls, I can make 14,999 mistakes and still have options. There are about 180 (maybe?) school days this year, so I can approach and inappropriately hit on approximately 83 girls a day. While this is an ambitious goal, I feel up to the challenge. I encourage you fellow college students to adopt a similar philosophy and spread the love/potential restraining orders.
On a related note, I have an absurdly hot philosophy TA, but I think she's about 27 or 28. Pray for me nightly? Please?
On a completely unrelated note, I've hung a poster of Kurt Cobain rocking out above my bed and I feel instantly inspired each morning.

Fun fact: Yesterday was the first time I met a jerk on campus. He was one of the most socially inept people I've ever met (and I hang out with Dan...). To give you an idea, he tried to get into an argument with me on a Saturday night about how the Java compiler he used was better than mine. Seriously? He made me sad because until then I hadn't met anyone I didn't like. Except the bouncer at that house party. He was a dick. But anyway, I'm genuinely surprised and pleased at how nice everyone is. It's also really funny because every time I mention I'm from New York (which is sort of an anomaly here), people actually ask "How come you're not a jerk?" Is that a compliment or an insult? I'm not sure...

To end on an extremely happy note, the Safeway near me sells "variety packs" that have fruit rollups, gushers, and fruit by the foots in them. Ya.

MORALE BOOSTER

2009-10-05T01:09:00.003-04:00

People don't compliment people often enough. so im here to make your day a little more bearable.
When youre walking down the street, feeling like youre just another guy in the crowd, think of this: nobody in that crowd is the exact same height as you. people who are shorter than you are immature, undeveloped, and otherwise incompetent. people who are taller than you are arrogant and unjustifiedly priveleged. now if youre the tallest person in the group, forget what i said. you have dominance. everyone else is your minion because height designates authority. all you have to do in order to feel better is stand in a crowd watching people hustle about listening to yakety sax on your ipod. you are awesome.
when you get to work you head to your cubicle in the corner. the light above it just burnt out. you saw it burn out. that's rare and you are priveleged to have seen such an occurrence. and its one of those flourescent lights. they usually just flicker annoyingly and never go out so its even more impressive. you are so blessed. you sit down at your dimly lit desk and make that promise to yourself that today is different and youre gonna get ahead in life. well guess what junior? today IS different and you ARE. that promotion? a mere breadbasket in a life of waiting treasures. you sit down and get to work. that keyboard has never seen a faster set of strokes. you are the xylophone player in khachaturian's sabre dance and youre not breaking a SWEAT! these powers of productivity will forever be in your posession and you now know how to WIELD THEM
lunch time! The calluses on your fingers are trophies of what will prove to be the pivotal moment in your professional career: your collegues will sit crying at night staring at their feeble and lame fingers while youre doing pinky pushups. but enough of this: you're hungry. now your hunger cannot be satisfied by the mediocre New York street gyro cart. your feeling of famine will not be relieved by a mere McDonalds. you will go to Gordon Ramsey's Paris restaurant, alone, and eat your meal in a serene environment. while you do this, mr. ramsey will come out and tell you what a wonderful cook you are. he can tell talent from a mile away and you EMMINATE the essence of COOK.
after lunch, you return to your office. the light above your desk has somehow come back on but it's flickering really fast. you hate flourescent lights. how the hell do they make bulbs that are burnt out one moment and work the next? if we cant have consistency in this world what CAN we have? you feel like youre in a club under a strobe light, except youre in an office. this will not do. you throw your stapler in the light. no big deal. the shower of glass comes down on your papers. this mess is not acceptable. you want a new office.
you go to your boss's office. you already know his answer but society is only challenging you to see how far you will go to get what you want. you know what? how dare life? how dare it? screw your boss! screw the system! you don't need it! so you attack your boss. you bring some of the glass shards from your now (consistently) dark desktop and jam them into his neck. its nothing personal its just what you want. and you GOT what you want. a new office! your boss's office to be exact. the bloodstains will have to do, you don't mind. the police are here. this is not acceptable. you attack them. unfortunately they have guns and they shoot you down. but this does not stop you! you jump out onto the ledge outside the window to avoid the gunfire. but only to do this though- youre not trying to escape. that would be cowardly. you scoot over to the next room's window. THEYRE ALREADY THERE OH NO you lose your balance and start to fall backward. but you have perfect balance. you catch yourself. but you can't feel your fingers from the calluses and sores on your fingertips and the loss of circulation due to your seventeen (awesome) gunshot wounds to the torso and arms. your forearms are shattered but that doesnt stop you. the nerves in your arms are severed so you cannot therefore tell that youre slipping from the concrete ledge youre holding onto. but you already know this. cuz youre awesome. you pull yourself up but there's a cop already there. he shoots you in the head and you fall off the building. apart from seeing yourself fall to the ground you can't feel anything else. it's okay though because in one day you successfully conquered a crowd, met gordon ramsey, got a promotion, and discovered a faster way to get carpel tunnel. if only everyone was this awesome. oh theres the ground.

my idea of politics

2009-09-24T02:28:00.004-04:00

A new type of Health Care Bill

From the office of whoever the hell is in charge of this health care thing:

My fellow Americans, it has come to the point that we need to step up our efforts toward the attainment of that which we call "satisfactory health care". When I say we, I mean me. It's not up to you anymore. I have set forth the following goals and I intend to reach them in my efforts to achieve satisfactory "health" "care".

First, I would like to preliminarily (its a word now.) establish what we mean by health care. The definition has become blurred and the term so widespread it's almost at an umbrella status. And we all know what umbrellas do. They close. You know who closes them? Me.
Health care is the support of the physical and mental health of all American citizens. bam.
In order to achieve this support, however, I've laid out a few basic laws that I expect to be adhered to in the strictest degree.

We all know that in order to be physically healthy, we must first be mentally healthy. This is common knowledge at the most basic level, so if you didn't know that, you may benefit greatly from what I'm putting into effect. idiot.

To be mentally healthy, we must be comfortable. That is why I am temporarily shutting down car production under the 100,000 dollar price range and "auditing" the seats. A comfortable seat means a happy man. a happy man means a happy country. and you know what a happy country is? AMERICA.
These seats will be put through the strictest tests to ensure that no one seat is rated under the level of comfort of a warm cozy cat snuggled on a couch next to a rainy window.

Second, mental health must be supported through education. This is a basic factor of any successful health care plan. To achieve this, I have taken things one step further and deepened the comfort level of learning for our country's students. Who wants to read? really? who? What better way to learn than sit in your favorite bean bag chair and have someone read to you? And who better to read to you than Harry Potter audiobook narrator Jim Dale? This is why I have enacted legislation to create thousands of clones of Jim Dale and disperse them to every library in the country where they will be available to anyone who wishes to have a silky smooth, familiar yet traditionally (the word oaky comes to mind) foreign european voice read your english assignment to you. Homework will never be as rewarding, or as healthy.

Third, a basic rule of society is that security must be implemented on all levels. Crime cannot be tolerated in a healthy society. So every American will have a microchip implanted in their brain stem that will, at my discretion, cause them to suffer immeasurable pain, or just die. There's also a sedate option but I believe that a sick person just cannot be helped, and I am more than willing to do society a favor and put the individual and the community at large out of their misery. And they say I don't think of others.

Fourth, money matters. Money problems are at the heart of the majority of mental health deficiencies, and it is for this reason that I am banning money. It's just easier and I don't have to worry about it. Done. Now that was easy.

Fifth, a divergence from the main material. Earmarks. I prefer to call them battle scars of the bill. battle scars are the mark of a true, weathered nation. and what's politics without a little corruption? It would put my brain-fryer out of commission. Besides, that one cancer hospital in the middle of Nevada needs money. Who cares about what it actually gets done? No rankings or cures mister senator? here's a federal grant. youre WELCOME.

Sixth. Mental health is greatly increased with an obscenely heavy application of alcohol. Now you answer this: what type of citizens can be classified as the most mentally deficient? Babies. The most efficient use of this liquid medicinal resource that I can think of (and thus anyone since...well...its me..) is to pump as much alcohol into those little suckers as possible. Health risks? How about health risks? of NOT doing this? Its a no brainer. Some may say that forcing this bringer of mental health upon an infant's cerebellum will have long-term side-effects. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it, but to be perfectly honest, their moms were taking down bottles of Triple Sec at 8 months pregnant. Now you tell me that's not already preparing these little guys for my treatment ANYWAY.

So there you have it. A health care bill for a king. Except the only king here we're serving has so many things to worry about that a proper health care bill is minimal compared to the challenges he faces. You know who that king is? America.

Next week, my military strategy for the world.

Abercrombie & Fitch

2009-09-16T14:44:00.002-04:00

Am I the only person who absolutely cannot stand these stores? I hadn't been in one of them for a couple years but I went in one today looking for some college clothes. This store was offensive on so many levels.
1) It smells like douchebag, and not just subtly. I understand that some girls find the scent nice, but seriously? There's so much of it that it's almost visible. They might as well have put it in the ventilation
2) Why do I have to yell at the person 2 feet from me? I understand that 13 year old girls like the ear diarrhea they call music that's playing in the store, but it's about 10 decibels too loud for a club, so you do the math for a clothing store. And can they at least play a song or two that's been around for more than a week? I have enough faith in people to think that they'll remember a song released in the past if it's, you know, actually decent.
3) I don't like seeing guys' nipples everywhere I turn. Call me old fashioned, but doesn't it seem odd that a clothing store's models don't have any clothes on? I get that they're trying to sell sex or whatever, but sex is the last thing I'm thinking about when I look up from a pile of shirts and end up starting at some larger-than-life dude's crotch.
4) 4 pairs of Levi jeans at Target cost the same as 1 pair of jeans at A&F. Guess which option I chose? I can't believe they have the audacity to charge that much for jeans. These are the things that farmers used to wear...
5) Get that damn moose head out of the store. That mascot made sense when A&F made items for explorers and hardcore hikers a century ago. A store full of preppy hipsters and cheerleaders with walls covered in naked models and $100 shirts should by no means have a moose head in it. You know why I know that? There were cobwebs and dust on it. Hmm

Ok I'm done ranting. But seriously, A&F sucks.

This was the first thing that came up on google images...ya

sibtos/current events/college lessons/i had too much time on my hands

2009-09-16T00:55:00.000-04:00

My Hiatus Is on Hiatus

2009-09-13T18:35:00.003-04:00

So I haven't posted in a while, partly because I'm lazy and partly because I've been in an apathetic malaise since everyone left for college while I'm stuck in Westchester til October. But nevermind all that, it's time for another post!

Before I do anything original I need a warmup so I'll do a similar post to Dan's and compare my daily routine as of last friday.

7:45 - my mom wakes me
7:47 - I convince myself I can rest 5 more minutes
7:50 - my dad comes in to make sure I'm up. I'm not
7:51 - my dad wakes me again
7:52 - I convince myself I can rest 5 more minutes
8:05 - I wonder what I have to do today. Probably nothing
8:15 - I wake up in a panic realizing that just like every other weekday, I have work
8:16 - I convince myself I can rest 5 more minutes
8:20 - I wake up and realize that I should already be out of the shower
8:24 - I get out of my painfully short shower and get dressed
8:30 - I grab a handful of almonds and some gum and pretend it's a decent breakfast
8:36 - I get into my car and realize that I forgot to charge my radio hookup for my iPod. No music today...
8:37 - my car still says "coolant low, stop engine" but it's been like that for a few months and nothing bad's happened yet so whatever
8:42 - Making great time today
8:43 - "Are you serious? Are you really doing this? I HAVE TO GET TO WORK GET OUT OF WAY YOU STUPID GARBAGE TRUCK"
8:45 - I get fed up waiting for this stupid garbage truck and go in the oncoming traffic lane to pass it. don't tell me you wouldn't do the same...
8:53 - "Are you serious? You're making a left on post road? Really? REALLY?"
8:58 - The guy in front of me finishes making his left turn
9:00 - I get to work
9:04 - I realize that like the past week, my boss will be out again. Having a baby takes priority, apparently
9:06 - Since he didn't leave me any work and isn't checking his email, I have nothing to do today
9:08 - YES, I have nothing to do today
9:09 - Shit, I have to sit in front of this computer for 8 hours and pretend to do something
9:15 - My icon arrangement is perfect
9:20 - My email settings are perfect
10:00 - I just built a tower out of sticky notes!
10:15 - I just shelled and ate 27 peanuts
10:40 - I just shelled and ate another 24 peanuts, this is disgusting
11:15 - I could go to lunch now, but then I'll have 6 hours with no break
11:16 - More peanuts
11:25 - Great, my other boss (who doesn't have any work for me), just caught me texting on my blackberry.
11:28 - Well he didn't say anything about it, so maybe he thought I was doing something work related. victory
11:25 - OK he just walked in again and I was texting again, he definitely knows I'm not working
12:00 - LUNCH!!!
12:05 - Should I get gross Chinese food, gross Caribbean food, or Subway?
12:10 - I've tried literally every subway sandwich combination they offer. I don't know if this is impressive or pathetic
12:30 - Yay, back in the office!
12:32 - I have 5 hours left and I still have no work to do
12:34 - I'm checking where Dan is using Google latitudes
12:35 - Dan why are you always in your dorm? go to class
12:45 - Do you think anyone would notice if I just left?
12:47 - Would I have anything to do if I just left?
5:30 - Freedom!
5:38 - "Are you serious? Get out of the road! There are 5 police cars and a firetruck parked in the middle of post road just to get a cat out of a tree? Really, Larchmont PD? Really?"
6:00 - I'm home and there are so many..things...to.....do....not really
6:30 - well dinner took up some time
6:32 - I check collegehumor and cracked and read my daily webcomics
6:53 - I go on aim
6:55 - Oh he's on....
6:56 - I sign off aim
7:00 - I could poop, that'll be mildly entertaining and waste some time
7:05 - OK now what...
11:00 - Honestly, I have no idea what I've done for the past 4 hours
11:03 - I get a snack and talk to my parents
11:45 - I could go to sleep, OR I could waste 2 more hours on the internet
1:45 - I look at the time and dramatically groan
1:46 - 2 more weeks...zzz

Hmm...that was sort of depressing
O well, I'm finished with work and now I get to pack and shop and do other cool stuff related to college so that'll be nice

Expect more posts, because I have a ton of time to kill now

My mondays

2009-09-13T00:23:00.004-04:00

8:00: wake up from alarm set with intention to go for a run
8:00:01: snooze
8:05: change snooze settings to 30 minute intervals. snooze.
8:35: mentally push all commitments forward another half hour. snooze.
9:05: shit. class in 25 minutes. get up
9:10: leave dorm, bring raspberry yogurt "fruit on the bottom"
9:15: timing my yogurt bites to have the cup empty by the time i get to the garbage outside the classroom, but while still leaving enough to be able to be continuously eaten until i reach it.
9:17: fail with the yogurt bite challenge. cup empty.
9:20: get to class
10:45: half hour between classes. downstairs is a food court. godsend. buy a large (starbucks.yeah.) coffee and get a nutrigrain bar from my bag
11:15: class starts
12:05: walk to another class, get there, bla bla
3:20 CLASSES END
3:30: choir rehearsal
4:45: get back to dorm, contemplate what to do for the next 9 hours
4:46: realize ive watched the entire XMen DVD box set id rented from the library. mental note. rent another box set.
4:47: SBARROS!!
4:50: in line in the food court. SMOOTHIES.
4:52: in line again. STIR FRY! another mental note. stir fry for dinner.
5:00: bed looks comfortable. get in with super slice of meat lovers and a small caesar salad, watch hulu
5:30: damn. its 5:30. econ homework.
6:30: workout, rent 24 season two
7:30: SBARROS!!!!!!
7:31: damn. forgot stir fry. already bought sbarros. though i am really hungry
7:32: in line with stir fry. SNICKERS ICE CREAM.
7:40: get back to room, realize i got too much food
8:00: i can't believe i just ate everything
8:05: party at mcnutt
8:25: partys a bust. why did i walk this far for a sausagefest with bad music
8:30: ANOTHER PARTY!! spirit shattered. no more parties tonight.
8:50: get back to room, hang out in someones room
9:20: computer..lame..
10:00: leave to go play piano
10:45: random crap til midnight
12:00: i should go to sleep
1:00: i should go to sleep
2:00: im drooling in front of my computer. time to go to bed. im gonna hate myself in the morning. damn i havent showered
2:10: in the shower. relaxing. someone just hocked a loogy. not relaxing anymore.
2:11: (insert the recollection of everything i forgot to do today)
2:30: at the computer sending apologetic emails to people i never emailed or met up with
2:35: in bed. set alarm. maybe ill take a run in the morning.

politics and...sugar ray...

2009-08-19T00:37:00.005-04:00

a list of services that would be useful in the economic downturn:
1.debt solution center destruction services (waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too many commercials on the radio. if you havent heard.)
2. CEO-mart
3. suicide booths
4. a bank that doesnt declare bankruptcy
5. dumb executive slapping booths

so i was thinking... with this new health care plan scheduling our deaths, can we opt for an exciting way to die? like government hired assassins or my parachute just happening to be gone when I jump out of a plane? something exciting.. they could build a hollywood set where youre given any type of gun you want and you have a partner whos also gonna die so you both go into this set and people (hah..senators..hows that for subliminal) start shooting at you and you go out fighting (that part wasnt meant to be subliminal). itd be so much more exciting than dying in a hospital bed.

no but yeah the health care plan is a pretty good idea
for the most part
as long as it doesnt screw me over
lol so i guess itll be a bad idea in the end cuz i dont think the government is ever gonna come out with legislation thats not gonna screw me over til im about 65. then ill get a check in the mail. unless they scrap that idea too.

north korea is a bitch.
hugo chavez is a douche.
russia is still coming out with cool techno.
yayy world

IN OTHER NEWS

apparantly britney spears is hot again
aah whoaa ooh ahh
so this concert series in stamford called alive at five is supposed to be cool right? wrong. jack and i went there at 7:30 on a saturday night and they wouldnt let us in...wtf.. they close the thing to people under 21 after 7:00. because, you know, underage kids wait until after 7:00 to drink and smoke. its not like they have stuff outside of the concert. no way. they just CANT let them in I hate stamford special services I HATE THEM SO MUCHhhhhhh. it was sugar ray too. damn.
hold me
so jack and i went to dairy queen. like we do when were bored. i had a small chocolate cone with chocolate sprinkes (my usual) and he got a lemon lime slushy. hows that for an exciting night

apparantly britney spears is ugly again

fears for college

2009-07-11T23:00:00.002-04:00

so im gonna build a list of things im worried about in college cuz there have been a few things ive began to worry about and i just want to get them out there for therapeutic reasons. i hear that if you express your fears, the next step is just facing them like a man. so as much as this is hard to do, i'm going to write down everything that has me scared regarding my first year in college. here it goes:

1. that im not gonna have room for my ps3 and the screen on my desk. this WILL be traumatizing
2. that im gonna sleeptalk and sleepwalk the first night in my dorm and scare the shit out of my roommate
3. that i'll run my food plan credits dry and starve. this IS the middle of indiana here. how many pizza delivery services do you think they have
4. that i'll never wake up (not die, just keep sleeping because nobody cares enough to wake me up) and i figure alarm clocks will annoy my roommate so i just wont put him (or her...please....please god...) through it
5. that my roommate goes to bed before 1
6. that anyone in my building is opposed to loud music
7. that the internet is slow

if you guys have any to add, trust me, it helps to get it out there..

so

2009-07-09T23:18:00.003-04:00

so. its the middle of summer. everyones getting ready to leave for school and our brains are, naturally, rotting. what better time to take a calculus placement exam?
indiana u has wittingly decided to give me one in the middle of july during my orientation. at 7:30 in the morning no less. so what the hell am i going to do for the two weeks on vacation preceding said orientation? im going to be......drumrollllllll......... golfing, eating delicious seafood, and enjoying beautiful women walking down the beach. guess whos at the end of the beach.......
so far summers had its ups and downs. weve had some vacations, theyve been amazing, but then there's been work. and while it might not sound so difficult to sit in a chair, in the sun, watching women from behind (the worlds most underrated invention) mirrored sunglasses, and yelling at kids all day, its not just a walk in the park. the sun does drain you and im exhausted after multiple weeks of working. although time and a half on the fourth of july did raise my spirits.
so on to another topic. i realize that were no longer seniors and i can't go to the movie theater and demand discounted tickets, and this IS second semester seniors. but i really dont care. so as long as jack (and jj if he still even visits this site lol) wants to, ill keep writing. so

signing off for now. cuz were off for another vacation. in exactlyyyy 31 minutes. cuz my dad wanted to leave at midnight. five hours ago. now theyre still rushing around the house and i seriously doubt that were gonna leave for like 3 hours. but i havent started packing so i shuld get on that. lol

Mad World

2009-06-10T14:35:00.001-04:00

royal cow

2009-05-26T21:46:00.005-04:00

so i want to start a rock band
except i can't play any instruments and i can't sing
so i think most of the music will be made with a cowbell and royalty free sound effects found online
i'll call the band "royal cow"
i'll do one of those sick cross country tours
just me and my cowbell
and maybe dan and jj can come along if they learn a similar instrument. nothing that requires musical talent, though. that goes against royal cow's philosophy.
oo we could perform for the queen of england at a farm to be super cliche (and ironic? maybe?)
regardless, RC (that's insider lingo for "royal cow", for you outsiders) will probably be bigger than the beatles and justin timberlake combined in a few years. it just takes a few lucky singles.
the first one will be called "there's some funk in your chest." a soft, placid balled describing the flowering love a young lad has for a young lass, this insta-classic tune will transport you to your golden years and bring tears to your leathery, old eyes, you stupid old person trying to be hip by listening to new music wtf is wrong with you just listen to frank sinatra and stop trying to be someone you're not just accept you're old!!!
the second single will be a bland pop song aimed at 13 year old girls and their lame-ass batmitzvah soundtracks
after that it's easy street...the millions will roll in, the incredibly hot, dumb chicks will flock to me like water does to lower elevated areas and i'll be regarded as more classic than the beatles and justin timberlake combined.

this plan is genius

btw, i was going to include a music video for one of the songs but my camera is out of batteries and i can't find the charger. i called dan and even he didn't know where it was. now i'm sad because i have no idea where it is at all so i'll save that mouthwatering video for next time.

qwertyFRIBS

2009-05-13T21:38:00.003-04:00

so we're all in agreement that the school year is over. except for the sucky part that we have to get up early to do essentially nothing. as ben folds states, bitches aint shit. i think he means that even though life may be a bitch and make you worry about whats happening, you should just forget all your troubles. as timone states, when the world turns its back on you, YOU TURN YOUR BACK ON THE WORLD. ok moral sessions from dan are over.
so i kind of was hoping to have this summer free but im actually gonna be working alot. and i have to tell w that im quitting (for those of u who dont know, w is vineyard vines. vv. w. get it) cuz their hours suck and lifeguarding is sitting in a chair getting my tan. if i have to save anyone tho im quitting on the spot and letting someone else deal with it.
hes drowning! save him! "I QUIT!" please, he's my son!! he can't swim! "well maybe you shouldnt have taken him to a BEACH CLUB. ITS YOUR FAULT HES DROWNING AND HIS DEATH WILL FOREVER BE ON YOUR CONSCIENCE" please! please! (at this point my boss comes out) DAN! SAVE THE KID! "NO! i dont WANNA! ill get WET!" you're a lifeguard! (meanwhile the kid is unconscious) please help my son! you horrible person! DAN! GET IN THE WATER! "ITS WET AND I JUST PUT ON MY SUNSCREEN THERE HAS TO BE A TEN MINUTE DRY PERIOD BEFORE I GET WET OR THE SUNSCREEN WILL COME OFF AND ILL BURN!" DAN YOU NEED TO GET IN THE WATER AND SAVE THAT BOY!!!!! "NO! I QUIT! but im staying on the beach."

when life gives you lemons, you squeeze the juice into its eyes and make lemonade from its tears.
basically make a good situation as bad as it can get. well i guess you can always rape life but that might backfire somehow

so we performed a tenacious d song today (wonderboy) and all in all it could have gone worse. wasn't bad, but eugene's cord was frayed so his solo cut out and i kicked out all the plugs midsong. lol. oops. apparantly ppl liked it tho so thats good. prob the most fun ive had on stage it was awesome. and the last words at my last morning meeting that i said in front of the whole school were sexual (wonderboy's mighty juice isnt OJ). time for the showah. ill see u guys latah. maybe in an ele.....bye

friday night

2009-05-10T22:31:00.002-04:00

so jack and i were really bored on friday night. for 3 hours after school we basically sat on a couch with andrew. and talked?

so andrew left and jack and i just sat there some more trying to think of things to do, and after google searching events and finding nothing but breast cancer awareness events and yoga classes across westchester, we decided to just get in the car.

we ended up at Home Depot, where we decided to find the coolest thing in the store and buy it if its reasonably priced. we successfully convinced everyone working there that we were high by becoming really interested in deck wood composite and safety glasses. i also yelled something about a blunt which made some lady give me the most obnoxious look ever. so we continued into the outdoor department where we walked through the shrubs and debated over the price of a ten foot tree using 3 foot pines as comparisons. which didnt help our image.
upon coming back inside we went through the vaccuum section and jack and i, in our infinite weirdness, both saw the word "HUSKY" on the side of the vaccuum. and, of course, we both loudly proclaim "HUSKY!" in throaty and croaky voices. at the same time. that was bad.
we finally got into the power tool section where there were big blades and cool machines. that was fun. but i guess wed attracted some attention cuz a guy was creepily following us. jack mentioned that he could easily open up the slim jim pack that he found, eat it, and leave the wrapper without anyone knowing. all of a sudden we noticed all the cameras home depot has.
so somewhere along this adventure wed wasted an hour and a half. but we found a blowtorch that has a bendy neck. and it was CHEAP so we bought it and played with it while eating slim jims in my car in the parking lot of home depot.

we wer then bored and went to the mall but it was closed and we were disappointed so we went to dairy queen but the line was sooooo long so we drove around stamford for a few minutes. then we passed california pizza kitchen and it HIT ME. we could GO THERE. so we did. our server's name was jason. he was a very nice man and i asked him if i could have a virgin margarita. cuz regular margaritas are awesome but i cant have one so w/e ill have a virgin one. less kick, whatever. he doesnt know if its possible but we talk about them for about a minute and a half and i decide its not worth the effort. but hes like "nono ill see what i can do" and im like "ill just have a root beer" but he insists so im like ok whatever. then jack and i have a conversation about how smart he is. im not going into that. basically he could charge me for 2 drinks. and the margaritas are 8 bucks. but THERS NO ALCOHOL IN IT. shit be crazay. aneeway we get our BLT pizza with honey-wheat dough and he comes with this cup with basically ice and margarita mix. i thank him and we exchange a few laughs, have a moment, and he leaves. i drink ITS SO GOOD i decide to just go to the supermarket and buy margarita mix and drink it straight. its like as jack said- "the awesomeness of both lemons and limes together in one drink". couldnt have said it bettIVE WRITTEN SO MUCH WTF HAVE I DONE WITH THE LAST 20 MINUTES

im leaving now. cuz i have somewhat of a life.

profound thoughts

2009-04-28T19:23:00.000-04:00

i said a boom boom boom
everybody say way ohhh way ohhhh

thoughts of a second semester senior TAKE TWO IF YOU WILL

2009-04-26T21:51:00.001-04:00

yayyyyyyyyyyy
now to my math AP

wtf do i do with my time

2009-04-14T20:56:00.001-04:00

WARNING

2009-04-14T20:48:00.004-04:00

MY NAME IS SARAH CONNOR AND IVE BEEN EXPOSED TO THE EVOLUTION OF ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE AND IF WE DON'T DO A CIRCULAR DANCE AROUND A FLAMING SACRIFICED RHINOCEROUS THE WORLD WILL END. IM TALKING GOLF BALLS SHOOTING OUT OF EYES, SPAGHETTI APPEARING IN PLACES ON THE HUMAN BODY YOUVE NEVER EVEN DISCOVERED. GEORGE BUSH WILL BE PRESIDENT AGAIN! DO YOU HEAR ME?!?!?! TOTAL ANNIHILATION!!!
if you do not want this to happen to you we must stand up against the robotic conglomerate known as Apple.........©.......... AND DEFEAT THE FINAL LEVEL IN THE GAME KNOWN AS NANOSAUR..........................©.......... WE 'RE GOING TO LIVE ON! WE'RE GOING TO SURVIVE! TODAY WE CELEBRATE OUR INDEP...oh thats not right..

collaborativa.....

2009-04-06T20:21:00.004-04:00

so this is dan and jack, here with......nobody...
kind of alone, noone loves us. its 830 at night and weve done no homework.
weve been brainstorming on stuff to JACKS TAKING A CRAP IN HIS BATHROOM AND I SMELL IT FROM BEHIND A CLOSED DOOR

jack just came out of the bathroom stating, and i quote, "ohhh that was not one of my prouder moments"
ok now i'm here for real
ive been pondering on the nature of evil and ive decided it doesnt realy matter
how deep dan...you're truly the prophet of our generation
i verbally collapse under pressure.....BACON FRIBBLE
i love bacon...you're truly the prophet of our generation
jack has a dream catcher in his room. if one likes dreams why wuld u want them caught in a stupid little thing of mesh that an alien immigrant posing as a native american decided to sell as a genuine artifact
i like meat and i also like it being caught....so that analogy doenst work. i like lots of things caught...like salmon and their little farms
i dont know how to respond to this so ill go on to another topic. and ill skip it because it was racist. next topic is springtime. its warm...kind of...
that's nice dan...i'm so glad i'm getting to see your more sentimental side...i really appreciate you talking to me frank like this, i think we're a stronger team because of it GO TEAM
speaking of franks jack and i are gonna sell hot dogs at the baseball games. to AUTISTIC CHILDREN
well actually we're selling WILD DOGS and i think we can extend our client base to people of all intelligence and age
i realize that weve gotten really inappropriate so i apologize to all our friends of faint heart. though if youre reading this and are insulted you should be doing something better with your time. like GROWING A PAIR
of what? elaborate, good friend. on a related note, elaborate sounds like borat which is the prequel to the new sasha cohen movie bruno, which looks amazing. "what about a man with two dildos"...pure genius
i guess? thats genius? on a related note, i rape small animals.
we all saw it coming. (pun?) on an even more related note, scooters. we all need them but will never admit it. or something like that
what about segways? nobody ever gives them credit but theres reputable science there. like a gyroscope. i almostmisspelled that. on a related note, segways kind of rhymes with egg paste.
wait wait wait. segways are completely over appreciated. they're the stupidest invention since the napkin shirt. the entire problem could be solved with a 4th grade level of math by adding a fucking wheel. really? really???
what if bread was sliced the other way? like long ways? it would be so much more inconvenient.
like when the escalators are broken.
or when theres always one more piece of banana string to be peeled away
god is a cruel and merciless leader. segueing (pun?) from all this religious mumbo jumbo, one of my venus fly traps died over the long winter. the other one is now regrowing and will hopefully grow back to its original glory
so the linguistisist (yes a tongue TORNADO) on the daily show sounds exactly like the guys from monty python. what country is that?
engerland? idk i'm not a linguistisist. or a linguist. or a lemur for that matter. they should try to migrate those little guys over to westchester. i think they'd improve our otherwise mundane landscape significantly and abundantly
nice adverbs.
thanks buddy
were gonna go.

bye

don't leave me with him. all he does is talk about old war stories and encourage me to strip. it's kind of awkwarIUTSNOT TRUEd. like when the escalSTOPT YPINGators bSAY GOO DBYEreak. ok bye

sibtos 7

2009-04-06T18:45:00.006-04:00

no big deal or anything, but we finally posted the new SIBTOS that we did over vacation. i think some of the jokes are a little too inside/only funny to dan and me, but the majority is good ol' comedy at which you'll be sure to giggle.
plus, we went environmental so we're not considered pariahs by the civilized world. and by going environmental, i mean we went outside (i'm proud of me too).

Epic, faith no more

2009-04-02T21:40:00.002-04:00

its a good song, but ive been laughing watching all their moves- if they pulled their dance in a fight theyd definitely win- especially the pianist

updates and hwhatnot

2009-03-29T19:17:00.003-04:00

i found the font buttons :)

henyway school starts back up tomorrow and im not psyched for school. one could call me a psycho. and if i was an assassin id be a psycho killer ques qu say fafafafaafaafafafafafafa
some would say i have a senior seminar essay due tomorrow. but thers a rule for no assignments unless theyre long term and this isnt long term so HAH

UPDAYTES
1. ive discovered my new favorite radio station its called RXP (rock experience) its 101.9 on fm. cuz noone uses am hanymore.
2. its been really warm lately which makes me question groundhog science. cuz i hate groundhogs and they told me winter was gonna last a long time. i actually dont know wat they said but it doesnt matter cuz we shuldnt be listening to rodents for geothermal predictions. but ya warm is good cuz i need to get my copper on.
3. i heard we like to party by the vengaboys today on my comp. cuz itunes dj is somehow better than party mix and i use it. maybe its the name. anyway i had a childhood flashback and it was nostalgic and sad cuz those years are over. jack and i did the math. its been 11 years since 1998. wtf.
4. my butt hurts from sitting in this chair all vacation and playing zombies, so i now have a soft pillow on my bum.
5. college receptions are officially awkward and unneccessary. unless thers food. which there WAS BUT IT WAS STILL AWKWARD.scratch the food comment.
6. i got new drumsticks. but they still kind of blow. cuz they wer 4 bucks a pair. but im not dropping 9 bucks on vic firths. damn str8,
7. i cant use periods anymore new rule
8. for sibtos fans thers a new episode coming. 2urFACE damn i used a period but im no longer allowed to use the deletebutton
9. NOMORESPACEBAR
10.ijustatepeanutstheyweredelicious
11. i am SO insanely bored so far i have no wall bed and have taken apart and put back together numerous things around my house, namely a speaker and a fan. my dad thought i was high. AND THEN i asked him if we can build a treehouse.
12. he said no
13. btw all rules have been rescinded
14. ive been looking at pictures of palm trees and sunny beaches, imagining. its dont nothing but make me feel sad. but its ok cuz its getting warmer. groundhogs suck.

exams 2

2009-03-11T20:20:00.003-04:00

so exams are over for most of us, and ive officially began march/spring break. i rearranged my room so that my parents cant immediately see me playing videogames when they walk in my room expecting me to be working, something that would have benefitted me a week ago but whatever. although theyre not rly gonna care anymore. i have the best ideas at prob the worst times possible. anyway im in a pickle. im getting bored becuz sitting at home all the time gets old, so i want to build something. but idk what. what i REALLY want is a couch that folds out of my wall, but that would 1) require a couch and 2) kind of impose on the hallway on the other side of the wall. so. the couch idea is bust- if anyone has any ideas let me kno. ill be here.
UNTIL THEN check out this video thisisahyperlinkandicanmakeitaslongasiwantthatswhatshesaid
ive been thinking about the amount of free time this guy must have, and ive decided that his huge knowledge of every mario theme basically ever means he plays it all the time or bought the songs. either way thats alot of time. prob the amt of time i use to motivate myself to do spanish homework (3 hours to a day). then he develops a DRUM beat to go with it. and for those of u who are lazy and didnt watch the whole thing (i dont blame u. but i did watch it. cuz.) he was playing the samba to one of the themes. and this wasnt just boom chick boom boom samba this was the my-legs-are-about-to-fall-off, i-hate-samba-i-hate-samba kind of samba. that requires both skill and patience. the amount of time that must have taken...i seriously hope this guy is paid for wat he does cuz whatever else he does, hes underpaid for, prob doesnt show up for, or he just doesnt do anything else
i just saw a who wants to be a millionare wher the guy said the sun revolves around the earth. some people really have no clue whats going on around them i guess..
bye guys
ill prob post again in about 10 minutes

exams

2009-03-09T19:49:00.002-04:00

so were in the middle of exams, and I'm in the mental state that I should be in about a week and a half from now, which is, as we know, march break.
the problem is that I have a physics test tomorrow and an english exam on wednesday, and the truth of the matter is I'm only halfway through this exam process. but that isnt bothering me. which bothers me. whatever.

hot diggity dog

2009-03-09T19:34:00.004-04:00

this is a fat sandwich
______
~~~~~~
-`-`-`-`
======
______

this is an abstract owl
___
/^ ^\
|___|
\__/

this is a juice box
__/_
|||||||
|||||||
|___|

that is all

i hope those publish well
edit: they didn't, so the art isn't as awesome as it used to be but it'll do
that is all

a love letter to MY good friend

2009-03-05T09:00:00.002-05:00

my dearest jack,
these words make me tremble with lust and jealousy. you swore your heart to me evermore and these recent deeds worry me. please tell me these things are not true; although your mistakes will always be forgiven, you must learn. meet me in the parking lot by mcdonalds at 3:00 and I'll show you what real love is. if you're not there, not only will our relationship be void but all transactions henceforth will be terminated. like arnold schwarzenegger. i cant believe i spelled his name right. my love, do not disappoint but strive to appoint. whatever that means. yours always and forever more,

drew carrey

a love letter to my good friend

2009-03-04T09:20:00.004-05:00

dear andrew,

my time spent at the villa was the most uplifting experience i have had in several fortnights. i dearly hope i am not being too forward when i say that you are, indeed, my shining star. my greatest wish is to see you again, my little pigeon.
hark, you must visit me on the soonest morrow possible, dear, for i long for your stroke like a husk of corn longs for the sun. verily, my soul is indebted to your heavenly grace. please, my love, come hither to me and let us embrace the embrace of passion.

with fondest love and a touch of lust,
jack

NEW AND IMPROVED.... SHOWER!!!

2009-02-23T10:48:00.003-05:00

taco bell

2009-02-09T20:49:00.002-05:00

so im sitting eating taco bell with a big glass of milk
and drinking the milk after eating the soft shell taco supreme with hot sauce tastes so good. good to the point that i wonder why they sell stuff like cherry pepsi and mountain dew when all they actually need is milk. really good cold milk. its delicious. and for those who are lactose intolerant, i'm sure you know what youre missing because you had to find out you were intolerant somehow. i bet those were the most confusing moments of your life. the delicious taste of milk at the same time your throat is closing in on you and the life is draining from your eyes. s o w o r t h i t

got COMMON SENSE? then drink milk. then youll have milk
and when i ask got milk?
you can say YES

im growing a mullet

2009-02-03T19:02:00.001-05:00

i'm stuck at home cuz of snow

2009-02-03T15:39:00.002-05:00

it's snowing. hard. when i drove home from school my windshield fogged up and i had to guess if there were cars/intersections/old ladies in front of me. i think i did a pretty good job, although i'm not sure if i'd notice if i hit an old lady. they're sneaky like that, you know.

things you can say to your dentist but not your girlfriend:
if this is gonna be bad just knock me out first and then do it.
can i have the chocolate flavored stuff this time?
is it ok if my mom stays while we do this?
how much will this cost?
can you wipe the drool of my chin please?

if you're in the mood to make fun of someone, go to infinitesorrow.com
if that doesn't make you laugh, you're probably the author.

aftuh college...

2009-02-02T21:12:00.001-05:00

ill be coming back as this

bored

2009-01-29T22:13:00.000-05:00

I'm bored and sassy

2009-01-27T11:39:00.002-05:00

so i'm sitting here in the hallway. nothing to do. no one to do. it's quite boring. so i've decided to list a bunch of clubs i want to start but know i never will
1) marshmallow appreciation club, with a focus on inclusion in hot chocolate
2) smurf club
3) saltine aficionado club
4) PIIIWH (pronounced peeeeeeeeeee-u-wooooo), which stands for people i imagine i would hate, which is a club in which everyone looks at random pictures on the internet and decides which people they would probably hate
5) abstract pirate club, which consists of talking about pirate culture without ever saying the word pirate

no one names their kids darius anymore. seriously, what is going on? it's a perfectly legitimate name with no terribly awkward nicknames. i think someone should stand up for themselves and name their kid darius. or lotion.

more like global PARADOX

2009-01-26T22:41:00.002-05:00

all this stuff about global warming cooling the earth. it makes sense but its just annoying. AND
ANDAND
they say
severe droughts and rising sea levels
let me get this straight
when the world gives us mORE? water, we seem to go blind and not see that thers water at our feet while were sitting on a porch in idaho. ohhh but thats SALT WATER then u know what we need to do? we need to stop worrying about stupid things like building more solar panels and prii (plural prius) and build a giant distillation factory. knock down manhattan cuz its just gonna get waterlogged anyway right? build a massive hotplate, evap that shit and send it to a bottling company or something so they can do wat they do best and put salt BACK INTO THE WATER

no but buy prii and be gas friendly. more for me.

SSS Episode 1- The Bathroom

2009-01-26T21:46:00.000-05:00

Waggaloop

2009-01-26T13:07:00.003-05:00

sheshema!!!!!! loofpua gooper dooogle nubr kristiisstupid afjlhads FLOOOOOOOOP!!!!!! hahahahh! garfunkel durk nerftan lemur minx sphincter butt? jack is fat. wait isnt dan fat too? are they fat together or fat seperately? HAHAILIKETOLICKSPOONS

What or who is this love?

2009-01-25T23:18:00.006-05:00

schl tmrwz

2009-01-25T22:39:00.000-05:00

so guys schools up again tomorrow
ah-GAIN toomahrow
andi dont wanna go but thers no other way to get to the airheads in my locker
just wante to let u guys kno im thinking of you.
nighty night dont let those damn bugs bite its a bitch u have to buy cream and then get an exterminator it sucks just dont go down that road
im currently thinking about how much it would cost to have a fountain installed in my room
and how inconvenient it wuld be to have
but how awesome itd be at the same time
someone hold me

woah....old people should die

2009-01-25T00:56:00.000-05:00

so jj, david, jake, jesse, and i were in this cheap chinese place. everything was going fine. FINE. then this old guy hobbles in and decides that our conversation is public. that's fine. he can listen all he wants. but no, that's not enough. he has to contribute as well. this guy looks like mr. burns for fuck's sake. why does he have to do this? so at this point jj was talking about how his dreamhouse is a cardboard box. except he was joking. as in, not serious. as in, he wasn't actually considering living in a fucking box when he's in his mid 40s. except mr. burns here thinks he's serious. so, in all seriousness, he starts ranting about how you can buy industrial sized boxes to live in or some shit and i'm having a tough time paying attention so it's even worse. so he keeps talking about other stuff, like how transformers are real except we're all too scared to admit it...or something. honestly i had no idea what he was talking about. which brings me to my main point: OLD PEOPLE NEED TO STOP BEING HERE. THEY NEED TO LEAVE. I DON'T CARE HOW. THEY JUST DO. that is all.

blog.....sounds like egg nog

2009-01-24T18:40:00.000-05:00

so this new fancy schmancy blog that jack set up
pretty cooool
but i have one complaint- when i ask it to send me food it doesnt work. im hungry. and you wouldnt like me when im hungry IS FB GONNA FIND ME AND SUE ME FOR INFRINGEMENT? NO. THEYRE NOT. CUZ GOOGLES COOL.
for those who dont know i was just kicked off of fb video for injected happiness into peoples lives. its a crime nowadays. like 3 videos with copyrighted music in them
and someone had to have reported the video
its not like fb employees go thru every single video thats uploaded and search for ways to annoy members. anyway back to the food
im thinking lasagna, but maybe not. ill just play videogames and forget about it
so its the weekend and we have a choir concert tomorrow which is gonna be beast because the percussionist has a gong. and that makes any song worth listening to. jj will and i are planning on doing a song for the talent show and have a special someone sing it but that someone hasnt even heard the song yet so idk how thats gonna play out. and will hasnt rly been with reality for the last 3 weeks so idk how thats gonna work out either. maybe jj and i can just play the song on bass and drums. u think ppl will like that?
no. they wont.
im gonna go find food now

First!

2009-01-22T14:01:00.000-05:00

So I'm sitting at home with staples in my head and I just wanted some toast with butter, nothing too hard to find, right? Ok, A.D.D. moment, this is my first time getting staples so I thought it was some medical term for a type of stitch or something... I was wrong, they're actual staples put into my head with a staple gun. So back to the toast. I found rolls and a nice drink, but the only butter my parents have around is unsalted butter... now I get that unsalted butter's good for baking, but not for toast. My parents suggested that I just put salt on the butter, but everyone knows, THAT DOESN'T MAKE IT TASTE GOOD. So I had to go to the super market, walk up the aisle for butter and get strange looks from the cashier when I only returned with one stick of salted butter. It was completely worth it though. Unfortunately, while I was at the store my mind was so set on the butter, I forgot all the other useless crap I needed. woot woot