dentists get too much shit for what they do. by that i mean people ridicule them for being dentists too much. okay yeah theyre kind of creepy and ask you awkward questions about girls when youre in the chair (I had a strange dentist as a child) but in the end, when youre in dire need of someone to drill plaque out of the depths of your mouth, who else are you going to go to? believe me, this is your best bet. and when its all over, they give you FREE SHIT like mint or strawberry tasting dental floss and a new toothbrush. what would be better, albeit ironic, is a milky way or candy of some sort. then they wouldnt have me complaining about the whole girlfriend interrogation. its even worse when you actually do like a girl cuz he somehow KNEW when i was lying so i had to go down THAT road answering questions about her and how often i see her.. looking back this guy was kind of a pedo... anyway what beats the wonderful feeling of a clean mouth thats just been scrubbed with the equivalent of industrial strength cleaner? they have a toothbrush attached to a freaking hose going into the ground- how much more badass can you really get? i guess if their chairs had leather straps to hold you down, but that may be going too far. if i were a dentist i would make slurpy noises every time i put the vaccuum hose thing in their mouths to enhance the effect (its a wonderful sensation. have you ever gone home after the dentist and just eyed your floor vacuum? me neither. but i will next time.) id also jerk my arm and shout obscenities loudly when their mouth is numb and then have a camera take pictures of their faces at the same time. id put it in a nice photo album from walmart for them to take home. it will say "my first cavity". even if its not. the world of dentistry has so far to go, but at least theyve got the whole science thing down first. it would be different if i was in a chair with my mouth numb, i saw the guy jerk his arm and yell OH SHIT and THEN saw blood all over his hands while starting to feel lightheaded. there are prerequisites for dentists to be able to screw with their patients. this is one of them. the other is having proper insurance because im sure there are several law suits in what i just described.
so all in all, dentistry isnt that bad of a job. however, taking into account basically all that i just said a dentist could do is outlawed, i guess it kind of is a crappy job. but hey its a living and whenever you dont have any patients you can play with those weird planes-attached-to strings-on-a-stick thing hanging from the ceiling. i always wanted to whirl that around my head as a kid. idk. just an instinct. and it seemed that every dentist i went to had them. maybe its standard equipment to calm the patient when the dentist actually does sever their nerves permanently..*oh the numbness will go down in an hour or so*...*jude get the keys were leaving town* lol ok ive written too much. YAY DENTISTS THAT ARENT PEDOPHILES!
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Saturday, November 14, 2009
I Think I'm Dumb (Maybe Just Happy)
So I don't know how to plan well, apparently. Here's how it started:
So my friend really wanted to see that shitty apocalypse movie, 2012. I agreed to go with him. We took a bus downtown to the nearest theater that was showing it. It was just as shitty as I had expected, but that's not the point. The point is that I was in charge of planning (he's from China and doesn't know how to navigate the city very well) and I didn't plan on the movie getting out so late.
Mistake 1: The movie got out at 1:20AM, and I didn't bother checking the bus schedule. If I had, I would've realized that there were no more buses after about midnight.
Mistake 2: We could've taken a taxi, but neither one of us wanted to spend the money. So we decided to walk.
Mistake 3: I pulled out my GPS and found out that it was an hour and a half walk. Instead of trusting the GPS's estimate of how fast we could walk, I decided that we could could make it in half the time.
Conclusion: 2 hours later, we finally got back and now I'm writing this. I'm truly tired and exhausted and now I have absolutely no confidence in my decision making. Also, 2012 sucked.
So my friend really wanted to see that shitty apocalypse movie, 2012. I agreed to go with him. We took a bus downtown to the nearest theater that was showing it. It was just as shitty as I had expected, but that's not the point. The point is that I was in charge of planning (he's from China and doesn't know how to navigate the city very well) and I didn't plan on the movie getting out so late.
Mistake 1: The movie got out at 1:20AM, and I didn't bother checking the bus schedule. If I had, I would've realized that there were no more buses after about midnight.
Mistake 2: We could've taken a taxi, but neither one of us wanted to spend the money. So we decided to walk.
Mistake 3: I pulled out my GPS and found out that it was an hour and a half walk. Instead of trusting the GPS's estimate of how fast we could walk, I decided that we could could make it in half the time.
Conclusion: 2 hours later, we finally got back and now I'm writing this. I'm truly tired and exhausted and now I have absolutely no confidence in my decision making. Also, 2012 sucked.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
uggs
why is it unacceptable for a man to wear uggs? theyre comfortable, you can wear them on your feet, they have an uncanny resemblance to mocassins, and they provide a utopia for your feet if you walk in the snow with them. it makes you feel special and protected. like nothing can ever harm you again. plan foiled, snow!!
that is all.
that is all.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
naps
naps are awesome
they make me feel better
as chicks fly for the first time
as birds of a feather
they make me less tired
unless i sleep too long
which happens very often
i might just sing a song. about it.
lalalala naps are great
they make me want
to bake a cake
my rhyme scheme is skewed
like beef on a shishkabob
but thats okay
because my rhymes are delicious
like the beef.
i lost sight of the topic
now lets get back to the naps
they make me myopic
just like a blind cat
naps are the best
on a snowy or rainy day
i fall asleep so easily
especially if im in a bail of hay
eric clapton makes me sleep better
because of his wavy guitar patterns
falling asleep has never been better
i dream of giant urns.
i might take a nap right now
my bed looks so comfy
as i climb into the bed
i remember that moo says the cow.
i cant rhyme very well
as you can see
but random animal sounds
always make people feel free.
good night i say to you
as i depart this string of consciousness
i go to sleep now
nothing rhymes with consciousness.
YAY.
they make me feel better
as chicks fly for the first time
as birds of a feather
they make me less tired
unless i sleep too long
which happens very often
i might just sing a song. about it.
lalalala naps are great
they make me want
to bake a cake
my rhyme scheme is skewed
like beef on a shishkabob
but thats okay
because my rhymes are delicious
like the beef.
i lost sight of the topic
now lets get back to the naps
they make me myopic
just like a blind cat
naps are the best
on a snowy or rainy day
i fall asleep so easily
especially if im in a bail of hay
eric clapton makes me sleep better
because of his wavy guitar patterns
falling asleep has never been better
i dream of giant urns.
i might take a nap right now
my bed looks so comfy
as i climb into the bed
i remember that moo says the cow.
i cant rhyme very well
as you can see
but random animal sounds
always make people feel free.
good night i say to you
as i depart this string of consciousness
i go to sleep now
nothing rhymes with consciousness.
YAY.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Comparing Highschool to College
I realized that there are a lot of things that never change and a lot of things that do
Here's what I have so far
Highschool: "You know if we started school at 9 instead of 8 everyone would get much better grades, be healthier, and like life a lot more in general" "Oh definitely, all I want is an hour more to sleep"
College: "You know if we started school at 10 instead of 9 everyone would get much better grades, be healthier, and like life a lot more in general" "Oh definitely, all I want is an hour more to sleep"
Highschool: I'm too tired to go to school today. Mom, can you please call them and say I'm sick? I promise it's the last time...
College: *turns off alarm*
Highschool: Parties consist of 20-30 people hanging out at whoever has the biggest house.
College: Parties consist of 200 people crammed into a house not much bigger than my old room.
Highschool: My mom made me a healthy, delicious meal almost every day.
College: Easymac, Redbull, and ketchup are about 80% of my diet.
Highschool: Friending your grade on facebook is normal and even expected
College: "Did you hear about that guy who friended everyone?" "Ya what a creeper"
Highschool: If you're late to class, "I was talking with a teacher" works almost every time. If you forgot to print, "The tech center printer was down" works almost every time. If you don't do your homework, "I'll hand it in by the end of the day" works almost every time.
College: If you're late to class, you miss what you miss. If you forget to print, you get a 0. If you don't do your homework, you get a 0.
Highschool: If your teacher doesn't know your name after the first couple weeks, they get ridiculed.
College: If your teacher knows your name after the first couple weeks, you're that really obnoxious guy who keeps talking every single day in class (even though there are 100 other people) and won't shut up about what he already knows about the subject (like anyone cares). No one likes you. Especially the teacher. I'm talking about you, guy in my philosophy class who keeps mentioning that his dad works for the Human Genome Project and that it's "a very important project that benefits all of mankind."
Highschool: I think I witnessed one or two fights in my entire time in highschool.
College: A surprising number of people carry around brass knuckles and knives, and the University Police report armed robberies and muggings on an almost daily basis.
Highschool: The food sucks.
College: THE FOOD IS AMAZING.
Highschool: There's a creepy kid who no one goes near.
College: There's a creepy kid who no one goes near.
Highschool: The more difficult the class is, the fewer hot girls there are.
College: The more difficult the classis, the fewer hot girls there are. Also, there are no hot girls in engineering, period. Actually that's not true, there are a few, but 2 or 3 out of a 200 person class is still a terrible ratio. I should've done creative writing...
Highschool: The bathrooms are pretty gross sometimes.
College: The bathrooms are ... so terrible.
Highschool: There's that random senior in a sophomore class.
College: There's that random 40 year old in a freshman seminar.
Highschool: Nurse's office gives free bandaids and stuff.
College: The health center gives free condoms.
Highschool: I had no idea who was on the football team or what position they played, but it wasn't a big deal.
College: I still have no idea who's on the football team or what position they play, and I get a lot of shit for it. Like a lot.
Highschool: Dances suck.
College: Dances suck.
Highschool: Binder checks.
College: Ha, right.
Highschool: Movies played in school couldn't be more than PG-13 and usually had to be preapproved.
College: They played I Love You, Man the first week and it made me so happy.
Highschool: Macs everywhere.
College: Only about 10% of people have Macs, and Linux finally has a legit market share.
Highschool: Despite hearing "I won't pay for Starbucks, those overpriced capitalist sellouts" all the time, everyone goes there anyway.
College: Starbucks got kicked off campus.
Highschool: Kids who wanted to get political joined clubs like the Progressive Political Club and Model UN. These clubs were reasonable and usually intelligent.
College: Kids who want to get political insist that everything everyone before them has done is wrong and start groups like "Obama Is Hitler" and the "Socialist Club" and spend hours spouting ridiculous opinions on the street and handing out flyers that no one wants or cares about. My favorite, though, is the group that spent 3 days in the rain displaying huge posters of unborn fetuses in the middle of the most popular quad, trying to convince everyone that abortion is wrong. That's like showing gross pictures of heart surgery and saying "look, heart surgery is wrong!" It makes me appreciate that annoying old highschool rule that all clubs have to have a teacher chaperone so much more.
Here's what I have so far
Highschool: "You know if we started school at 9 instead of 8 everyone would get much better grades, be healthier, and like life a lot more in general" "Oh definitely, all I want is an hour more to sleep"
College: "You know if we started school at 10 instead of 9 everyone would get much better grades, be healthier, and like life a lot more in general" "Oh definitely, all I want is an hour more to sleep"
Highschool: I'm too tired to go to school today. Mom, can you please call them and say I'm sick? I promise it's the last time...
College: *turns off alarm*
Highschool: Parties consist of 20-30 people hanging out at whoever has the biggest house.
College: Parties consist of 200 people crammed into a house not much bigger than my old room.
Highschool: My mom made me a healthy, delicious meal almost every day.
College: Easymac, Redbull, and ketchup are about 80% of my diet.
Highschool: Friending your grade on facebook is normal and even expected
College: "Did you hear about that guy who friended everyone?" "Ya what a creeper"
Highschool: If you're late to class, "I was talking with a teacher" works almost every time. If you forgot to print, "The tech center printer was down" works almost every time. If you don't do your homework, "I'll hand it in by the end of the day" works almost every time.
College: If you're late to class, you miss what you miss. If you forget to print, you get a 0. If you don't do your homework, you get a 0.
Highschool: If your teacher doesn't know your name after the first couple weeks, they get ridiculed.
College: If your teacher knows your name after the first couple weeks, you're that really obnoxious guy who keeps talking every single day in class (even though there are 100 other people) and won't shut up about what he already knows about the subject (like anyone cares). No one likes you. Especially the teacher. I'm talking about you, guy in my philosophy class who keeps mentioning that his dad works for the Human Genome Project and that it's "a very important project that benefits all of mankind."
Highschool: I think I witnessed one or two fights in my entire time in highschool.
College: A surprising number of people carry around brass knuckles and knives, and the University Police report armed robberies and muggings on an almost daily basis.
Highschool: The food sucks.
College: THE FOOD IS AMAZING.
Highschool: There's a creepy kid who no one goes near.
College: There's a creepy kid who no one goes near.
Highschool: The more difficult the class is, the fewer hot girls there are.
College: The more difficult the classis, the fewer hot girls there are. Also, there are no hot girls in engineering, period. Actually that's not true, there are a few, but 2 or 3 out of a 200 person class is still a terrible ratio. I should've done creative writing...
Highschool: The bathrooms are pretty gross sometimes.
College: The bathrooms are ... so terrible.
Highschool: There's that random senior in a sophomore class.
College: There's that random 40 year old in a freshman seminar.
Highschool: Nurse's office gives free bandaids and stuff.
College: The health center gives free condoms.
Highschool: I had no idea who was on the football team or what position they played, but it wasn't a big deal.
College: I still have no idea who's on the football team or what position they play, and I get a lot of shit for it. Like a lot.
Highschool: Dances suck.
College: Dances suck.
Highschool: Binder checks.
College: Ha, right.
Highschool: Movies played in school couldn't be more than PG-13 and usually had to be preapproved.
College: They played I Love You, Man the first week and it made me so happy.
Highschool: Macs everywhere.
College: Only about 10% of people have Macs, and Linux finally has a legit market share.
Highschool: Despite hearing "I won't pay for Starbucks, those overpriced capitalist sellouts" all the time, everyone goes there anyway.
College: Starbucks got kicked off campus.
Highschool: Kids who wanted to get political joined clubs like the Progressive Political Club and Model UN. These clubs were reasonable and usually intelligent.
College: Kids who want to get political insist that everything everyone before them has done is wrong and start groups like "Obama Is Hitler" and the "Socialist Club" and spend hours spouting ridiculous opinions on the street and handing out flyers that no one wants or cares about. My favorite, though, is the group that spent 3 days in the rain displaying huge posters of unborn fetuses in the middle of the most popular quad, trying to convince everyone that abortion is wrong. That's like showing gross pictures of heart surgery and saying "look, heart surgery is wrong!" It makes me appreciate that annoying old highschool rule that all clubs have to have a teacher chaperone so much more.
Monday, October 19, 2009
It's 2 in the Morning and I Still Need to Write My English Essay
Oh good god. I just had a redbull to stay up but I'm not sure if it's a good idea now. I'm buzzed but tired at the same time and I think my writing abilities have sharply dropped. I'm not sure how I'm going to write this English essay but it's due tomorrow morning at 9:30.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
I feel so unmotivated and it doesn't help that I'm chilling with friends right now instead of writing. This is ridiculous. OK I'm gonna start writing now. Maybe. Fuck.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
I feel so unmotivated and it doesn't help that I'm chilling with friends right now instead of writing. This is ridiculous. OK I'm gonna start writing now. Maybe. Fuck.
Friday, October 16, 2009
future
so i was on facebook and this socialinterview application asked me if I could travel back in time where id go. so i thought about it and this is what i came up with:
1. id definitely see the dinosaurs first. then id see what really killed them because i bet it was awesome. but id have to leave quickly in any situation. since most of them seemed to die quickly...
2. id hijack a ship on the mediterranean and become a pirate.
3. id bring an AK-47 to the revolutionary war.
4. give a wurlitzer to mozart. see what happens.
5. slap marie antoinette hard. in the face.
6. invest in microsoft berkshire and google
7. see (though i think experience is a better word to use) woodstock
8. go on the titanic and push the girl off during the emotional flying scene
9. meet john belluschi, john candy, chris farley, andrew carnegie, jimi hendrix, and a caveman. just to mess with him.
10. kidnap helen of troy a second time and blame it on another country. repeat at least five times. enjoy the confusion and anger that i have unjustly created.
1. id definitely see the dinosaurs first. then id see what really killed them because i bet it was awesome. but id have to leave quickly in any situation. since most of them seemed to die quickly...
2. id hijack a ship on the mediterranean and become a pirate.
3. id bring an AK-47 to the revolutionary war.
4. give a wurlitzer to mozart. see what happens.
5. slap marie antoinette hard. in the face.
6. invest in microsoft berkshire and google
7. see (though i think experience is a better word to use) woodstock
8. go on the titanic and push the girl off during the emotional flying scene
9. meet john belluschi, john candy, chris farley, andrew carnegie, jimi hendrix, and a caveman. just to mess with him.
10. kidnap helen of troy a second time and blame it on another country. repeat at least five times. enjoy the confusion and anger that i have unjustly created.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Music moments
i was walking through the rain today and i had my ipod in. suddenly Debussy's "claude de lune" turned on and i felt so much better. about walking in rain. wet. it was fantastic.
but then i got back and realized my socks were wet. moment over.
but speaking of great musical moments, by the end of my life i plan on riding a horse at full speed through the american plains listening to Hoe Down by Aaron Copland, being in an elevator with a hot woman and aerosmith's "love in an elevator" turns on. and i give her a look. and she gives it back. and we have a moment. then we make love in an elevator. thank you steven tyler. and finally, at some point i want to attend a funeral and play dont fear the reaper. i will most definitely be on the cowbell. i should start a funeral performance business...
but then i got back and realized my socks were wet. moment over.
but speaking of great musical moments, by the end of my life i plan on riding a horse at full speed through the american plains listening to Hoe Down by Aaron Copland, being in an elevator with a hot woman and aerosmith's "love in an elevator" turns on. and i give her a look. and she gives it back. and we have a moment. then we make love in an elevator. thank you steven tyler. and finally, at some point i want to attend a funeral and play dont fear the reaper. i will most definitely be on the cowbell. i should start a funeral performance business...
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