Thursday, December 31, 2009
Happy New Years everyone!
Well may ye all forget this night pleasantly =) Also I have a resolution to really start getting this blog going, aka me actually being something other then MIA... Though I never understood that saying of "missing in action" outside of a war scenario, I mean MIA works in this context in the english language... but why? There's no action being taken place unless you consider the active blog posters in constant action, but then why does the term MIA work? Danm you English, anywho I'm heading out for my new years, I wish you all the best and will talk to yall in 2010 =D
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Who are you?!
Me? Why am I trying to have a conversation with myself? Well what if both my mind and my subconscious are two separate functioning, thinking, and relating entities that fester their own thoughts and ideas, then all of your thoughts are actual conversations between you and yourself?... Or the aliens o.O Ok, but really what if the government was covering up the discovery of aliens from the public because it would be catastrophic to our knowledge for some reason, and all of the advances in technology we've been experiencing are from the help of "their" technology? Like the idea that there's an alien embassy where aliens and humans alike converse over inter-stellar politics... but I don't mean area 51... because that shit's just not cool on the governments part, I mean really? naming the highway that leads to area 51 "extraterrestrial highway"? That's just fucked up, man. Man, the government's out to fuck with our minds man. Imagine they actually were out to just fuck with the publics minds? That all conspiracies are the product of the goverment trying to have the public question the power of the government, just so that those in high up positions in the government seem more powerful then they actually are with the help of these conspiracies. I'm not trying to dampen the power of the government, but if they actually created conspiracies to establish an apparent highrarky then they're just a bunch of whiny itches whom needed attention and feel the need to wanting to be feared... worst part about all of this? we'll never know... Just like the idea of, if the universe is infinite and there are an infinate amount of possiblities for something to happen, then these possibilities have exsisted an infinite amount of times, because our universe is infinite, it is true that our universe is "expanding" but then what's it expanding into? What's outside the universe? It can't be nothing, there always has to be something, otherwise if there was nothing, then in a finite universe where nothing exists outside of the universe possibilities are null because there're no possibilities that could exsist from nothingness, thus our exsistence would be a mere idea that's falsly illuminated infront of us, or rather you, because how would you know if you're not the only conscious being, and your reality portray's this because your brain cannot accept the idea of nothingness or even infinite. And so, to not deal with nothingness or infinite, a false reality is substituted, being that it is easier to realize finite life then it is to accept infinite or nothing. But, because it is more likely that our reality is infinite, then these possibilities coming true an infinite amount of times proposes the idea of nothing's impossible. There would have to be an infinite amount of gods that have exsisted in our reality with these infinite possibilities in an infinite reality. It's also the same idea that the human mind cannot actually create its own brand new idea's, that everything was either seen or realized prior, or that everything's derived from a collection of thousands of idea's constructed into one idea. Like the idea that as a human race we could never have fathomed the idea of alien's without the introduction to them, either from actual contact, or from idea's of alien's of other cultures being illustrated into a whole alien race to the human race, etc..... Wellll this was fun wasn't it? :-) I have two finals today and I've been up since 6 after going to sleep at 4.... and I was somehow wide awake at 6.... DAMMIT INTERNAL CLOCK, so I am going to grab breakfeast with a few friends then take my finals, woohoo... then I'm done with first semester!
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Arcade Fire
I'm going to postpone the second part of Plan 36G because I need to rant. I know I'm about 4 or 5 years late hearing Arcade Fire, but everyone in college thinks they're amazing so I downloaded Funeral. It sucks.
If I had no expectations before listening to it, maybe I would've liked it, but this is many people's favorite band. People have told me that they cried when they heard the album. Yes, actually cried.
Now, I understand that to fully "get them" I need to see them live. But no matter how much energy and gusto they put into their live shows, it won't change that their songs aren't catchy or difficult to play and their lyrics aren't even remotely deep or unique. I wouldn't be so annoyed if the band wasn't such a big deal, but I've heard too many people claim Funeral is their favorite album to let it slide as just a difference of opinion.
In terms of lyrics, they've shamelessly copied Conor Oberst to the point where I actually heard lyrics from his songs almost word for word. Unfortunately, they didn't even pick good parts. How about this gem - "I went out into the night / I went out to find some light" Really? I'm pretty sure going out into the night won't provide you with any light. Ohhh, you're trying to be ironic. I get it, saying something that doesn't make sense is so edgy. Granted, I'm sure they're going for some pseudo intellectual theme about rejecting standard truth (light) and forging their own path (dark) but that's such a painfully overused preteen philosophy I wouldn't be surprised if Hannah Montana's sung about it at some point.
Anyway, if you live under a rock like me and haven't listened to them, I'd crawl under your rock again. It's nicer there anyway. If you have listened to them and like them, I'd love to hear why because I just don't get it. On a related note, giving me free tickets to one of their concerts also works.
If I had no expectations before listening to it, maybe I would've liked it, but this is many people's favorite band. People have told me that they cried when they heard the album. Yes, actually cried.
Now, I understand that to fully "get them" I need to see them live. But no matter how much energy and gusto they put into their live shows, it won't change that their songs aren't catchy or difficult to play and their lyrics aren't even remotely deep or unique. I wouldn't be so annoyed if the band wasn't such a big deal, but I've heard too many people claim Funeral is their favorite album to let it slide as just a difference of opinion.
In terms of lyrics, they've shamelessly copied Conor Oberst to the point where I actually heard lyrics from his songs almost word for word. Unfortunately, they didn't even pick good parts. How about this gem - "I went out into the night / I went out to find some light" Really? I'm pretty sure going out into the night won't provide you with any light. Ohhh, you're trying to be ironic. I get it, saying something that doesn't make sense is so edgy. Granted, I'm sure they're going for some pseudo intellectual theme about rejecting standard truth (light) and forging their own path (dark) but that's such a painfully overused preteen philosophy I wouldn't be surprised if Hannah Montana's sung about it at some point.
Anyway, if you live under a rock like me and haven't listened to them, I'd crawl under your rock again. It's nicer there anyway. If you have listened to them and like them, I'd love to hear why because I just don't get it. On a related note, giving me free tickets to one of their concerts also works.
Friday, December 11, 2009
finals week
i microwaved a waffle. that didn't work.
ive spent more time watching movies than studying
i broke my phone screen. again.
i took a 3 hour nap today after an hour lecture at 11:15 which i woke up for at 11. and MADE IT.
ive mastered the art of morning coffee in bed. it turns on at 7:50, my alarm goes off at 8 which is when it finishes, i wake up and pour it, maybe mix in some peppermint mocha creamer (all from my bed), and hit snooze. ten minutes later i wake up and drink some, hit snooze again. ten minutes later i drink more, hit snooze again, and then i wake up and finish it. by that time the caffeine kicks in and i get up! its perfect......almost....too......per*snipershot*OMG!OMG IM BLEEDING
ive spent more time watching movies than studying
i broke my phone screen. again.
i took a 3 hour nap today after an hour lecture at 11:15 which i woke up for at 11. and MADE IT.
ive mastered the art of morning coffee in bed. it turns on at 7:50, my alarm goes off at 8 which is when it finishes, i wake up and pour it, maybe mix in some peppermint mocha creamer (all from my bed), and hit snooze. ten minutes later i wake up and drink some, hit snooze again. ten minutes later i drink more, hit snooze again, and then i wake up and finish it. by that time the caffeine kicks in and i get up! its perfect......almost....too......per*snipershot*OMG!OMG IM BLEEDING
Monday, December 7, 2009
Plan 36G
When Senator Creshla called me up, I didn't know what to think. I suppose I was a bit nervous when he revealed his plan, but who wouldn't be. Of course, I acted calmly, but I think he saw through my thin veil of confidence. I was just an ordinary citizen; how could I handle information like that? If the senator hadn't had such a warm, grandfatherly voice, I might not have even believed him.
He told me it was simply known as "Plan 36G," whatever that means. I was told to meet him in front of the Lincoln Memorial on Saturday, barely two weeks after he had called me. I was expected to drop everything on my plate and fly out there. I suppose that's just how these things work, but I didn't like it one bit.
I flew out from my sunny home in Tucson and landed in D.C. early that morning. My underlying apprehension transformed into outright fear when I saw those suits approaching me in front of the statue. Huge, bulky men with shoulders the size of an ox marched toward me. Their death black sunglasses and deep, monotonous voices stripped any human characteristics from them. I timidly followed their lead into a limousine, praying that this was a mistake. Yes, just one, big, horrible mistake. I was the wrong man for the job, clearly. How could I be the only one to see it?
We quickly swept past the polished center of town into a decrepit slum. I was visibly sweating at this point, but I didn't dare say a word about it. They wouldn't understand my fear. They were probably used to this high profile, black limo business, but me? I should've been watching Jerry Springer or watering my plants. Meeting one of the most powerful senators in the country in a dangerous slum to talk about a secret plan should not have been in my schedule.
After what seemed like hours we arrived in front of a small shed. The windows were busted and all the plants were dead. The street was empty and the only sound was distant sirens. One of the men turned to me and grunted, "Don't try anything funny." As if I had the gall! I wouldn't have been able run if they wanted me to. I gingerly walked across the yard in between them, trying desperately not to let my nerves get the better of me. We entered the shed and there he stood: Senator Creshla in all his senatorial glory.
"H-Hello, Senator," I sputtered out. "Nice to, um, finally meet you."
"Have a seat, Nathan." His voice reverberated off the jagged walls, and I immediately sat down on the dusty chair before him. I could see the black suits standing in the shadows out of the corner of my eye, terrifying me without any action at all.
"Plan 36G," he said quietly. The words sounded so grave. I felt a shiver run down my spine. "You know we need your help."
"But why me?" I nearly shouted, my pent up exasperation leaping out of my mouth before I had time to retract it.
"Nathan, we have discussed this thoroughly. Now is not the time for this juvenile banter. The time is upon us! Will you face this like a man or cower like a dog?" His aged wrinkles turned to a scowl and a sharp sting augmented his voice. I wanted to run. I wanted to scream. This was all too much for me. Nathan Lockely, was not built for this kind of stress. No, Nathan Lockely was built for modest wages and quiet Sundays. This was all wrong. "So will you help us, Nathan? I don't have to remind you of the ramifications if you refuse." The words shook me out of my reverie. I felt a twist in my stomach as I quietly mouthed "yes."
Yes. I had just said yes to Plan 36G. The plan that would change it all. The ominous fear that had been shrouding this great country for so long was about to be abolished with a single blow. Midgets would finally be bred out of existence. The world would never be the same.
Part II to follow
He told me it was simply known as "Plan 36G," whatever that means. I was told to meet him in front of the Lincoln Memorial on Saturday, barely two weeks after he had called me. I was expected to drop everything on my plate and fly out there. I suppose that's just how these things work, but I didn't like it one bit.
I flew out from my sunny home in Tucson and landed in D.C. early that morning. My underlying apprehension transformed into outright fear when I saw those suits approaching me in front of the statue. Huge, bulky men with shoulders the size of an ox marched toward me. Their death black sunglasses and deep, monotonous voices stripped any human characteristics from them. I timidly followed their lead into a limousine, praying that this was a mistake. Yes, just one, big, horrible mistake. I was the wrong man for the job, clearly. How could I be the only one to see it?
We quickly swept past the polished center of town into a decrepit slum. I was visibly sweating at this point, but I didn't dare say a word about it. They wouldn't understand my fear. They were probably used to this high profile, black limo business, but me? I should've been watching Jerry Springer or watering my plants. Meeting one of the most powerful senators in the country in a dangerous slum to talk about a secret plan should not have been in my schedule.
After what seemed like hours we arrived in front of a small shed. The windows were busted and all the plants were dead. The street was empty and the only sound was distant sirens. One of the men turned to me and grunted, "Don't try anything funny." As if I had the gall! I wouldn't have been able run if they wanted me to. I gingerly walked across the yard in between them, trying desperately not to let my nerves get the better of me. We entered the shed and there he stood: Senator Creshla in all his senatorial glory.
"H-Hello, Senator," I sputtered out. "Nice to, um, finally meet you."
"Have a seat, Nathan." His voice reverberated off the jagged walls, and I immediately sat down on the dusty chair before him. I could see the black suits standing in the shadows out of the corner of my eye, terrifying me without any action at all.
"Plan 36G," he said quietly. The words sounded so grave. I felt a shiver run down my spine. "You know we need your help."
"But why me?" I nearly shouted, my pent up exasperation leaping out of my mouth before I had time to retract it.
"Nathan, we have discussed this thoroughly. Now is not the time for this juvenile banter. The time is upon us! Will you face this like a man or cower like a dog?" His aged wrinkles turned to a scowl and a sharp sting augmented his voice. I wanted to run. I wanted to scream. This was all too much for me. Nathan Lockely, was not built for this kind of stress. No, Nathan Lockely was built for modest wages and quiet Sundays. This was all wrong. "So will you help us, Nathan? I don't have to remind you of the ramifications if you refuse." The words shook me out of my reverie. I felt a twist in my stomach as I quietly mouthed "yes."
Yes. I had just said yes to Plan 36G. The plan that would change it all. The ominous fear that had been shrouding this great country for so long was about to be abolished with a single blow. Midgets would finally be bred out of existence. The world would never be the same.
Part II to follow
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Christmas Do's and Dont's
its that time of year again, and lo, were expected to give people things. yeah i don't look forward to it either. in fact around october i realize that i have to remember to leave money for christmas gifts, and every october i end up PLANNING MY FINANCES. (insert scary ghost noise). anyway, here are some helpful tips when it comes to buying these bundles of joy for OTHER PEOPLE:
1. when giving gift cards, buy in increments of one dollar and please, nothing under $11. if it's ten people will know you're cheap and if it has 26.43 on it, guess what- youre busted. mister secret santa is now a pack rat, not an elf czar.
2. there is nothing wrong with cold hard cash. at least for a college student. IMPORTANT: this does not apply to mothers, grandparents, or dying relatives.
3. iTunes gift cards, not gift cards to Sam Goody (if thats still even in existence) or FYE. who wants to 1) pay more for an album and 2) pay for the songs they dont want? please.
4. if youre buying something perishable like bad chocolate or fresh pears from harry and david, don't store them in your home refrigerator. rather, use nature's refrigerator: winter. if some animals get into it, just say that you went through hell to get the gift. it reflects well on you.
5. if one christmas morning you seem to have gotten the same thing as your parents for someone, take the low road and say that they only need one. take it back.
6. everyone loves chocolate covered strawberries. everyone. even if they say they don't or they're allergic. they love them. get them chocolate covered strawberries.
7. if on christmas, you wake up from a month long acid trip, fret not. capture a squirrel, put a bow around its head, and present it as a puppy. if they ask questions, say it was prematurely born and needs a home. if it starts making squirrel noises and jumping on people's faces, well, maybe you shouldn't have done ten hits in one night in the first place.
8. mothers. this is the hard part. ninety percent of gifts received by mothers are returned. whether you know of it or not. you have to find the perfect one. fortunately, im here to help you:
mothers like services, not goods. unless those goods are made of chocolate, but that kind ofgift is reserved for the spouse. if you are one of those, stop reading, youre good. if not, like I said. massages, manicures, even maid service. but dan, you say, these things are expensive. this is why you get everyone else to pitch in while secretly running a christmas ponzi scheme. except noone ever finds out that you not only used their money to buy a nice massage for mom, you went to coldstone and got a "gotta have it". on THEMz!
9. everyone loves a toto album. every song too so you dont run into the usual problem.
10. inappropriate posters, albeit funny, create awkward situations christmas morning in front of the camera recording a video being sent to said grandparents and dying relatives. they don't know this side of you. keep it that way. else you are subject to a long speech during family reunion dinners about how the young generation is losing its values. and guess who's giving you the eye every couple of seconds during the speech? grandpa. your parents too cuz they know u screwed up. except theyre laughing internally while pretending to be disappointed.
11. girlfriends: lingerie or chocolate. its very, very easy. don't tell me shes not like other girlfriends. she is.
12. brothers: gamestop gift cards. i know I would love one. or those awesome remote control helicopters.
13. on christmas morning, get up first. i know this is hard and not as exciting as it was when you were 7 because you don't regularly get up at 4 in the morning, but do it cuz i say. go into your parents room and jump on their bed asking to go open presents. do this every 10 minutes or until one of them punches you in the face. while lying bleeding on the floor, contemplate the magic of christmas.
14. be honest in your gift giving. but not too honest. if you were too honest, you would give your fat uncle slim fast bars instead of D&D. btw, dunkin donuts is probably the only corporation that doesn't jack it's prices for the holiday season. therefore, the first place you should start is there. everyone could use another coffee thermos. or donut even (depends on when you're buying- that would be the week of or so). after that, hair salons. everyone runs out of shampoo at some point.
15. write everyone poems. this was what i did last year. it was awesome. because people are drawn (temporarily) away from the fact that you got them a frying pan or a box of bolts, and they appreciate the crayon and construction paper juvenility of the whole scene. for these few seconds, you can really honestly feel loved. this is what christmas is all about.
so to recap: 11 dollar gift cards, cash, itunes, store pears outside, confiscate repeat gifts, chocolate covered strawberries, puppy squirrel, christmas ponzi scheme, toto, no funny/crude posters, lingerie/chocolate, gamestop, get punched in the face by ur mom, dunkin donuts, poems.
happy holidays!
1. when giving gift cards, buy in increments of one dollar and please, nothing under $11. if it's ten people will know you're cheap and if it has 26.43 on it, guess what- youre busted. mister secret santa is now a pack rat, not an elf czar.
2. there is nothing wrong with cold hard cash. at least for a college student. IMPORTANT: this does not apply to mothers, grandparents, or dying relatives.
3. iTunes gift cards, not gift cards to Sam Goody (if thats still even in existence) or FYE. who wants to 1) pay more for an album and 2) pay for the songs they dont want? please.
4. if youre buying something perishable like bad chocolate or fresh pears from harry and david, don't store them in your home refrigerator. rather, use nature's refrigerator: winter. if some animals get into it, just say that you went through hell to get the gift. it reflects well on you.
5. if one christmas morning you seem to have gotten the same thing as your parents for someone, take the low road and say that they only need one. take it back.
6. everyone loves chocolate covered strawberries. everyone. even if they say they don't or they're allergic. they love them. get them chocolate covered strawberries.
7. if on christmas, you wake up from a month long acid trip, fret not. capture a squirrel, put a bow around its head, and present it as a puppy. if they ask questions, say it was prematurely born and needs a home. if it starts making squirrel noises and jumping on people's faces, well, maybe you shouldn't have done ten hits in one night in the first place.
8. mothers. this is the hard part. ninety percent of gifts received by mothers are returned. whether you know of it or not. you have to find the perfect one. fortunately, im here to help you:
mothers like services, not goods. unless those goods are made of chocolate, but that kind ofgift is reserved for the spouse. if you are one of those, stop reading, youre good. if not, like I said. massages, manicures, even maid service. but dan, you say, these things are expensive. this is why you get everyone else to pitch in while secretly running a christmas ponzi scheme. except noone ever finds out that you not only used their money to buy a nice massage for mom, you went to coldstone and got a "gotta have it". on THEMz!
9. everyone loves a toto album. every song too so you dont run into the usual problem.
10. inappropriate posters, albeit funny, create awkward situations christmas morning in front of the camera recording a video being sent to said grandparents and dying relatives. they don't know this side of you. keep it that way. else you are subject to a long speech during family reunion dinners about how the young generation is losing its values. and guess who's giving you the eye every couple of seconds during the speech? grandpa. your parents too cuz they know u screwed up. except theyre laughing internally while pretending to be disappointed.
11. girlfriends: lingerie or chocolate. its very, very easy. don't tell me shes not like other girlfriends. she is.
12. brothers: gamestop gift cards. i know I would love one. or those awesome remote control helicopters.
13. on christmas morning, get up first. i know this is hard and not as exciting as it was when you were 7 because you don't regularly get up at 4 in the morning, but do it cuz i say. go into your parents room and jump on their bed asking to go open presents. do this every 10 minutes or until one of them punches you in the face. while lying bleeding on the floor, contemplate the magic of christmas.
14. be honest in your gift giving. but not too honest. if you were too honest, you would give your fat uncle slim fast bars instead of D&D. btw, dunkin donuts is probably the only corporation that doesn't jack it's prices for the holiday season. therefore, the first place you should start is there. everyone could use another coffee thermos. or donut even (depends on when you're buying- that would be the week of or so). after that, hair salons. everyone runs out of shampoo at some point.
15. write everyone poems. this was what i did last year. it was awesome. because people are drawn (temporarily) away from the fact that you got them a frying pan or a box of bolts, and they appreciate the crayon and construction paper juvenility of the whole scene. for these few seconds, you can really honestly feel loved. this is what christmas is all about.
so to recap: 11 dollar gift cards, cash, itunes, store pears outside, confiscate repeat gifts, chocolate covered strawberries, puppy squirrel, christmas ponzi scheme, toto, no funny/crude posters, lingerie/chocolate, gamestop, get punched in the face by ur mom, dunkin donuts, poems.
happy holidays!
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