royal cow

so i want to start a rock band
except i can't play any instruments and i can't sing
so i think most of the music will be made with a cowbell and royalty free sound effects found online
i'll call the band "royal cow"
i'll do one of those sick cross country tours
just me and my cowbell
and maybe dan and jj can come along if they learn a similar instrument. nothing that requires musical talent, though. that goes against royal cow's philosophy.
oo we could perform for the queen of england at a farm to be super cliche (and ironic? maybe?)
regardless, RC (that's insider lingo for "royal cow", for you outsiders) will probably be bigger than the beatles and justin timberlake combined in a few years. it just takes a few lucky singles.
the first one will be called "there's some funk in your chest." a soft, placid balled describing the flowering love a young lad has for a young lass, this insta-classic tune will transport you to your golden years and bring tears to your leathery, old eyes, you stupid old person trying to be hip by listening to new music wtf is wrong with you just listen to frank sinatra and stop trying to be someone you're not just accept you're old!!!
the second single will be a bland pop song aimed at 13 year old girls and their lame-ass batmitzvah soundtracks
after that it's easy street...the millions will roll in, the incredibly hot, dumb chicks will flock to me like water does to lower elevated areas and i'll be regarded as more classic than the beatles and justin timberlake combined.

this plan is genius

btw, i was going to include a music video for one of the songs but my camera is out of batteries and i can't find the charger. i called dan and even he didn't know where it was. now i'm sad because i have no idea where it is at all so i'll save that mouthwatering video for next time.

qwertyFRIBS

so we're all in agreement that the school year is over. except for the sucky part that we have to get up early to do essentially nothing. as ben folds states, bitches aint shit. i think he means that even though life may be a bitch and make you worry about whats happening, you should just forget all your troubles. as timone states, when the world turns its back on you, YOU TURN YOUR BACK ON THE WORLD. ok moral sessions from dan are over.
so i kind of was hoping to have this summer free but im actually gonna be working alot. and i have to tell w that im quitting (for those of u who dont know, w is vineyard vines. vv. w. get it) cuz their hours suck and lifeguarding is sitting in a chair getting my tan. if i have to save anyone tho im quitting on the spot and letting someone else deal with it.
hes drowning! save him! "I QUIT!" please, he's my son!! he can't swim! "well maybe you shouldnt have taken him to a BEACH CLUB. ITS YOUR FAULT HES DROWNING AND HIS DEATH WILL FOREVER BE ON YOUR CONSCIENCE" please! please! (at this point my boss comes out) DAN! SAVE THE KID! "NO! i dont WANNA! ill get WET!" you're a lifeguard! (meanwhile the kid is unconscious) please help my son! you horrible person! DAN! GET IN THE WATER! "ITS WET AND I JUST PUT ON MY SUNSCREEN THERE HAS TO BE A TEN MINUTE DRY PERIOD BEFORE I GET WET OR THE SUNSCREEN WILL COME OFF AND ILL BURN!" DAN YOU NEED TO GET IN THE WATER AND SAVE THAT BOY!!!!! "NO! I QUIT! but im staying on the beach."

when life gives you lemons, you squeeze the juice into its eyes and make lemonade from its tears.
basically make a good situation as bad as it can get. well i guess you can always rape life but that might backfire somehow

so we performed a tenacious d song today (wonderboy) and all in all it could have gone worse. wasn't bad, but eugene's cord was frayed so his solo cut out and i kicked out all the plugs midsong. lol. oops. apparantly ppl liked it tho so thats good. prob the most fun ive had on stage it was awesome. and the last words at my last morning meeting that i said in front of the whole school were sexual (wonderboy's mighty juice isnt OJ). time for the showah. ill see u guys latah. maybe in an ele.....bye

friday night

so jack and i were really bored on friday night. for 3 hours after school we basically sat on a couch with andrew. and talked?

so andrew left and jack and i just sat there some more trying to think of things to do, and after google searching events and finding nothing but breast cancer awareness events and yoga classes across westchester, we decided to just get in the car.

we ended up at Home Depot, where we decided to find the coolest thing in the store and buy it if its reasonably priced. we successfully convinced everyone working there that we were high by becoming really interested in deck wood composite and safety glasses. i also yelled something about a blunt which made some lady give me the most obnoxious look ever. so we continued into the outdoor department where we walked through the shrubs and debated over the price of a ten foot tree using 3 foot pines as comparisons. which didnt help our image.
upon coming back inside we went through the vaccuum section and jack and i, in our infinite weirdness, both saw the word "HUSKY" on the side of the vaccuum. and, of course, we both loudly proclaim "HUSKY!" in throaty and croaky voices. at the same time. that was bad.
we finally got into the power tool section where there were big blades and cool machines. that was fun. but i guess wed attracted some attention cuz a guy was creepily following us. jack mentioned that he could easily open up the slim jim pack that he found, eat it, and leave the wrapper without anyone knowing. all of a sudden we noticed all the cameras home depot has.
so somewhere along this adventure wed wasted an hour and a half. but we found a blowtorch that has a bendy neck. and it was CHEAP so we bought it and played with it while eating slim jims in my car in the parking lot of home depot.

we wer then bored and went to the mall but it was closed and we were disappointed so we went to dairy queen but the line was sooooo long so we drove around stamford for a few minutes. then we passed california pizza kitchen and it HIT ME. we could GO THERE. so we did. our server's name was jason. he was a very nice man and i asked him if i could have a virgin margarita. cuz regular margaritas are awesome but i cant have one so w/e ill have a virgin one. less kick, whatever. he doesnt know if its possible but we talk about them for about a minute and a half and i decide its not worth the effort. but hes like "nono ill see what i can do" and im like "ill just have a root beer" but he insists so im like ok whatever. then jack and i have a conversation about how smart he is. im not going into that. basically he could charge me for 2 drinks. and the margaritas are 8 bucks. but THERS NO ALCOHOL IN IT. shit be crazay. aneeway we get our BLT pizza with honey-wheat dough and he comes with this cup with basically ice and margarita mix. i thank him and we exchange a few laughs, have a moment, and he leaves. i drink ITS SO GOOD i decide to just go to the supermarket and buy margarita mix and drink it straight. its like as jack said- "the awesomeness of both lemons and limes together in one drink". couldnt have said it bettIVE WRITTEN SO MUCH WTF HAVE I DONE WITH THE LAST 20 MINUTES

im leaving now. cuz i have somewhat of a life.