royal cow

so i want to start a rock band
except i can't play any instruments and i can't sing
so i think most of the music will be made with a cowbell and royalty free sound effects found online
i'll call the band "royal cow"
i'll do one of those sick cross country tours
just me and my cowbell
and maybe dan and jj can come along if they learn a similar instrument. nothing that requires musical talent, though. that goes against royal cow's philosophy.
oo we could perform for the queen of england at a farm to be super cliche (and ironic? maybe?)
regardless, RC (that's insider lingo for "royal cow", for you outsiders) will probably be bigger than the beatles and justin timberlake combined in a few years. it just takes a few lucky singles.
the first one will be called "there's some funk in your chest." a soft, placid balled describing the flowering love a young lad has for a young lass, this insta-classic tune will transport you to your golden years and bring tears to your leathery, old eyes, you stupid old person trying to be hip by listening to new music wtf is wrong with you just listen to frank sinatra and stop trying to be someone you're not just accept you're old!!!
the second single will be a bland pop song aimed at 13 year old girls and their lame-ass batmitzvah soundtracks
after that it's easy street...the millions will roll in, the incredibly hot, dumb chicks will flock to me like water does to lower elevated areas and i'll be regarded as more classic than the beatles and justin timberlake combined.

this plan is genius

btw, i was going to include a music video for one of the songs but my camera is out of batteries and i can't find the charger. i called dan and even he didn't know where it was. now i'm sad because i have no idea where it is at all so i'll save that mouthwatering video for next time.