Sunday, November 29, 2009
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Why I Don't Like Music Videos
Every morning I have breakfast at the "By George" Cafe in central campus. Why is it called "By George," you ask? Because it's by the George Washington statue! *cue laughs* Still, it has a pretty good selection so I can't complain.
The relevancy of this, though, is that they have TVs everywhere showing mtvU. What is mtvU, you ask? Well, apparently, a long, long time ago MTV actually showed music videos. At a certain point they decided that MusicTeleVision didn't need music and decided to air a plethora of ridiculous reality shows. When people started complaining that they would rather see music than clean shaven monkeys attempting conversation, MTV created a new channel, MTV2. Originally, MTV2 only showed music videos. However, the execs at MTV went through a bit of deja vu and again forgot that the M in MTV stood for music and started airing reality shows that wouldn't fit on MTV or MTV2. Why not, right?
So at some point or another, they created mtvU. I think the U stands for yoU (who needs spelling...), implying that the other channels are for someone else, but I won't complain too long since this channel actually broadcasts music videos. Crazy! I'm not sure how long it'll be until they start adding reality shows to it, but the point is that currently, they show a pretty good variety of music videos.
On to the main point! I don't like music videos. It's not that I'm a snob who thinks that bands put too much effort into their looks and not into their music. I'm not that pretentious. My problem is that they have absolutely nothing to do with the actual meaning behind the song. To demonstrate my point, here is what I'm pretty sure goes down:
A bunch of dudes realize they're not half bad at playing instruments and start a band. Let's assume they're attention whores and name their band "Heartbreak City Here We Come" No, that's not that absurd of a name. I've seen worse: As I Lay Dying, Bullet for My Valentine, Casiotone for the Painfully Alone, The Pains of Being Pure at Heart, And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead. Yes, these are real band names.
So this band, HCHWC, needs a hit song. The only creative guy in the group just got over a heart-wrenching breakup and decides to pour out his soul. The first few drafts of the song are just him sobbing into the microphone, but eventually he comes up with some pretty legit lyrics. Let's say he uses a ship sailing alone into a stormy ocean to represent how he's feeling. Hey, with a catchy chorus and bass part it could work.
After writing a bunch of other songs, the band comes out with an album. Let's call it "Lessons in Loneliness, Pt. 1" This band is getting more and more emo... To gain popularity, the band tours constantly for a year and finally gets some attention from a major label. The label loves their frantic songs and wants to re-release their album with a few more songs and a music video for their hit.
Here's where the problem is. The band spent a few months rerecording and finetuning the album with legit equipment after spending a year touring the country after spending a few months writing and practicing. A lot of time has passed since emo-boy's girlfriend broke up with him. On top of that, since the band's rise in popularity, they've been getting a ton of ass and emo-boy has completely forgotten about what's-her-name.
When the director of the video plans out the setting and plot with the band, all he knows is that the song is about a ship. The songwriter could pretend he still cares about his old girlfriend and moan about how lonely he feels, but that's a blatant lie. He doesn't remember how he felt when he wrote the song, and even if he does, his life has changed drastically. The video should depict an evil/monsterlike/stupid girl ruining the guy's life. Instead, the band dresses up as hipster pirates and has a foodfight on a boat flying above an ocean made of paper-mache. Let's throw in a dancing dragon too, it's artistic.
I can confidently say that this summarizes every single music video in the last ten years. Prove me wrong.
The relevancy of this, though, is that they have TVs everywhere showing mtvU. What is mtvU, you ask? Well, apparently, a long, long time ago MTV actually showed music videos. At a certain point they decided that MusicTeleVision didn't need music and decided to air a plethora of ridiculous reality shows. When people started complaining that they would rather see music than clean shaven monkeys attempting conversation, MTV created a new channel, MTV2. Originally, MTV2 only showed music videos. However, the execs at MTV went through a bit of deja vu and again forgot that the M in MTV stood for music and started airing reality shows that wouldn't fit on MTV or MTV2. Why not, right?
So at some point or another, they created mtvU. I think the U stands for yoU (who needs spelling...), implying that the other channels are for someone else, but I won't complain too long since this channel actually broadcasts music videos. Crazy! I'm not sure how long it'll be until they start adding reality shows to it, but the point is that currently, they show a pretty good variety of music videos.
On to the main point! I don't like music videos. It's not that I'm a snob who thinks that bands put too much effort into their looks and not into their music. I'm not that pretentious. My problem is that they have absolutely nothing to do with the actual meaning behind the song. To demonstrate my point, here is what I'm pretty sure goes down:
A bunch of dudes realize they're not half bad at playing instruments and start a band. Let's assume they're attention whores and name their band "Heartbreak City Here We Come" No, that's not that absurd of a name. I've seen worse: As I Lay Dying, Bullet for My Valentine, Casiotone for the Painfully Alone, The Pains of Being Pure at Heart, And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead. Yes, these are real band names.
So this band, HCHWC, needs a hit song. The only creative guy in the group just got over a heart-wrenching breakup and decides to pour out his soul. The first few drafts of the song are just him sobbing into the microphone, but eventually he comes up with some pretty legit lyrics. Let's say he uses a ship sailing alone into a stormy ocean to represent how he's feeling. Hey, with a catchy chorus and bass part it could work.
After writing a bunch of other songs, the band comes out with an album. Let's call it "Lessons in Loneliness, Pt. 1" This band is getting more and more emo... To gain popularity, the band tours constantly for a year and finally gets some attention from a major label. The label loves their frantic songs and wants to re-release their album with a few more songs and a music video for their hit.
Here's where the problem is. The band spent a few months rerecording and finetuning the album with legit equipment after spending a year touring the country after spending a few months writing and practicing. A lot of time has passed since emo-boy's girlfriend broke up with him. On top of that, since the band's rise in popularity, they've been getting a ton of ass and emo-boy has completely forgotten about what's-her-name.
When the director of the video plans out the setting and plot with the band, all he knows is that the song is about a ship. The songwriter could pretend he still cares about his old girlfriend and moan about how lonely he feels, but that's a blatant lie. He doesn't remember how he felt when he wrote the song, and even if he does, his life has changed drastically. The video should depict an evil/monsterlike/stupid girl ruining the guy's life. Instead, the band dresses up as hipster pirates and has a foodfight on a boat flying above an ocean made of paper-mache. Let's throw in a dancing dragon too, it's artistic.
I can confidently say that this summarizes every single music video in the last ten years. Prove me wrong.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
dentists
dentists get too much shit for what they do. by that i mean people ridicule them for being dentists too much. okay yeah theyre kind of creepy and ask you awkward questions about girls when youre in the chair (I had a strange dentist as a child) but in the end, when youre in dire need of someone to drill plaque out of the depths of your mouth, who else are you going to go to? believe me, this is your best bet. and when its all over, they give you FREE SHIT like mint or strawberry tasting dental floss and a new toothbrush. what would be better, albeit ironic, is a milky way or candy of some sort. then they wouldnt have me complaining about the whole girlfriend interrogation. its even worse when you actually do like a girl cuz he somehow KNEW when i was lying so i had to go down THAT road answering questions about her and how often i see her.. looking back this guy was kind of a pedo... anyway what beats the wonderful feeling of a clean mouth thats just been scrubbed with the equivalent of industrial strength cleaner? they have a toothbrush attached to a freaking hose going into the ground- how much more badass can you really get? i guess if their chairs had leather straps to hold you down, but that may be going too far. if i were a dentist i would make slurpy noises every time i put the vaccuum hose thing in their mouths to enhance the effect (its a wonderful sensation. have you ever gone home after the dentist and just eyed your floor vacuum? me neither. but i will next time.) id also jerk my arm and shout obscenities loudly when their mouth is numb and then have a camera take pictures of their faces at the same time. id put it in a nice photo album from walmart for them to take home. it will say "my first cavity". even if its not. the world of dentistry has so far to go, but at least theyve got the whole science thing down first. it would be different if i was in a chair with my mouth numb, i saw the guy jerk his arm and yell OH SHIT and THEN saw blood all over his hands while starting to feel lightheaded. there are prerequisites for dentists to be able to screw with their patients. this is one of them. the other is having proper insurance because im sure there are several law suits in what i just described.
so all in all, dentistry isnt that bad of a job. however, taking into account basically all that i just said a dentist could do is outlawed, i guess it kind of is a crappy job. but hey its a living and whenever you dont have any patients you can play with those weird planes-attached-to strings-on-a-stick thing hanging from the ceiling. i always wanted to whirl that around my head as a kid. idk. just an instinct. and it seemed that every dentist i went to had them. maybe its standard equipment to calm the patient when the dentist actually does sever their nerves permanently..*oh the numbness will go down in an hour or so*...*jude get the keys were leaving town* lol ok ive written too much. YAY DENTISTS THAT ARENT PEDOPHILES!
so all in all, dentistry isnt that bad of a job. however, taking into account basically all that i just said a dentist could do is outlawed, i guess it kind of is a crappy job. but hey its a living and whenever you dont have any patients you can play with those weird planes-attached-to strings-on-a-stick thing hanging from the ceiling. i always wanted to whirl that around my head as a kid. idk. just an instinct. and it seemed that every dentist i went to had them. maybe its standard equipment to calm the patient when the dentist actually does sever their nerves permanently..*oh the numbness will go down in an hour or so*...*jude get the keys were leaving town* lol ok ive written too much. YAY DENTISTS THAT ARENT PEDOPHILES!
Saturday, November 14, 2009
I Think I'm Dumb (Maybe Just Happy)
So I don't know how to plan well, apparently. Here's how it started:
So my friend really wanted to see that shitty apocalypse movie, 2012. I agreed to go with him. We took a bus downtown to the nearest theater that was showing it. It was just as shitty as I had expected, but that's not the point. The point is that I was in charge of planning (he's from China and doesn't know how to navigate the city very well) and I didn't plan on the movie getting out so late.
Mistake 1: The movie got out at 1:20AM, and I didn't bother checking the bus schedule. If I had, I would've realized that there were no more buses after about midnight.
Mistake 2: We could've taken a taxi, but neither one of us wanted to spend the money. So we decided to walk.
Mistake 3: I pulled out my GPS and found out that it was an hour and a half walk. Instead of trusting the GPS's estimate of how fast we could walk, I decided that we could could make it in half the time.
Conclusion: 2 hours later, we finally got back and now I'm writing this. I'm truly tired and exhausted and now I have absolutely no confidence in my decision making. Also, 2012 sucked.
So my friend really wanted to see that shitty apocalypse movie, 2012. I agreed to go with him. We took a bus downtown to the nearest theater that was showing it. It was just as shitty as I had expected, but that's not the point. The point is that I was in charge of planning (he's from China and doesn't know how to navigate the city very well) and I didn't plan on the movie getting out so late.
Mistake 1: The movie got out at 1:20AM, and I didn't bother checking the bus schedule. If I had, I would've realized that there were no more buses after about midnight.
Mistake 2: We could've taken a taxi, but neither one of us wanted to spend the money. So we decided to walk.
Mistake 3: I pulled out my GPS and found out that it was an hour and a half walk. Instead of trusting the GPS's estimate of how fast we could walk, I decided that we could could make it in half the time.
Conclusion: 2 hours later, we finally got back and now I'm writing this. I'm truly tired and exhausted and now I have absolutely no confidence in my decision making. Also, 2012 sucked.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
uggs
why is it unacceptable for a man to wear uggs? theyre comfortable, you can wear them on your feet, they have an uncanny resemblance to mocassins, and they provide a utopia for your feet if you walk in the snow with them. it makes you feel special and protected. like nothing can ever harm you again. plan foiled, snow!!
that is all.
that is all.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
naps
naps are awesome
they make me feel better
as chicks fly for the first time
as birds of a feather
they make me less tired
unless i sleep too long
which happens very often
i might just sing a song. about it.
lalalala naps are great
they make me want
to bake a cake
my rhyme scheme is skewed
like beef on a shishkabob
but thats okay
because my rhymes are delicious
like the beef.
i lost sight of the topic
now lets get back to the naps
they make me myopic
just like a blind cat
naps are the best
on a snowy or rainy day
i fall asleep so easily
especially if im in a bail of hay
eric clapton makes me sleep better
because of his wavy guitar patterns
falling asleep has never been better
i dream of giant urns.
i might take a nap right now
my bed looks so comfy
as i climb into the bed
i remember that moo says the cow.
i cant rhyme very well
as you can see
but random animal sounds
always make people feel free.
good night i say to you
as i depart this string of consciousness
i go to sleep now
nothing rhymes with consciousness.
YAY.
they make me feel better
as chicks fly for the first time
as birds of a feather
they make me less tired
unless i sleep too long
which happens very often
i might just sing a song. about it.
lalalala naps are great
they make me want
to bake a cake
my rhyme scheme is skewed
like beef on a shishkabob
but thats okay
because my rhymes are delicious
like the beef.
i lost sight of the topic
now lets get back to the naps
they make me myopic
just like a blind cat
naps are the best
on a snowy or rainy day
i fall asleep so easily
especially if im in a bail of hay
eric clapton makes me sleep better
because of his wavy guitar patterns
falling asleep has never been better
i dream of giant urns.
i might take a nap right now
my bed looks so comfy
as i climb into the bed
i remember that moo says the cow.
i cant rhyme very well
as you can see
but random animal sounds
always make people feel free.
good night i say to you
as i depart this string of consciousness
i go to sleep now
nothing rhymes with consciousness.
YAY.
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