so i want to start a rock band
except i can't play any instruments and i can't sing
so i think most of the music will be made with a cowbell and royalty free sound effects found online
i'll call the band "royal cow"
i'll do one of those sick cross country tours
just me and my cowbell
and maybe dan and jj can come along if they learn a similar instrument. nothing that requires musical talent, though. that goes against royal cow's philosophy.
oo we could perform for the queen of england at a farm to be super cliche (and ironic? maybe?)
regardless, RC (that's insider lingo for "royal cow", for you outsiders) will probably be bigger than the beatles and justin timberlake combined in a few years. it just takes a few lucky singles.
the first one will be called "there's some funk in your chest." a soft, placid balled describing the flowering love a young lad has for a young lass, this insta-classic tune will transport you to your golden years and bring tears to your leathery, old eyes, you stupid old person trying to be hip by listening to new music wtf is wrong with you just listen to frank sinatra and stop trying to be someone you're not just accept you're old!!!
the second single will be a bland pop song aimed at 13 year old girls and their lame-ass batmitzvah soundtracks
after that it's easy street...the millions will roll in, the incredibly hot, dumb chicks will flock to me like water does to lower elevated areas and i'll be regarded as more classic than the beatles and justin timberlake combined.
this plan is genius
btw, i was going to include a music video for one of the songs but my camera is out of batteries and i can't find the charger. i called dan and even he didn't know where it was. now i'm sad because i have no idea where it is at all so i'll save that mouthwatering video for next time.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
qwertyFRIBS
so we're all in agreement that the school year is over. except for the sucky part that we have to get up early to do essentially nothing. as ben folds states, bitches aint shit. i think he means that even though life may be a bitch and make you worry about whats happening, you should just forget all your troubles. as timone states, when the world turns its back on you, YOU TURN YOUR BACK ON THE WORLD. ok moral sessions from dan are over.
so i kind of was hoping to have this summer free but im actually gonna be working alot. and i have to tell w that im quitting (for those of u who dont know, w is vineyard vines. vv. w. get it) cuz their hours suck and lifeguarding is sitting in a chair getting my tan. if i have to save anyone tho im quitting on the spot and letting someone else deal with it.
hes drowning! save him! "I QUIT!" please, he's my son!! he can't swim! "well maybe you shouldnt have taken him to a BEACH CLUB. ITS YOUR FAULT HES DROWNING AND HIS DEATH WILL FOREVER BE ON YOUR CONSCIENCE" please! please! (at this point my boss comes out) DAN! SAVE THE KID! "NO! i dont WANNA! ill get WET!" you're a lifeguard! (meanwhile the kid is unconscious) please help my son! you horrible person! DAN! GET IN THE WATER! "ITS WET AND I JUST PUT ON MY SUNSCREEN THERE HAS TO BE A TEN MINUTE DRY PERIOD BEFORE I GET WET OR THE SUNSCREEN WILL COME OFF AND ILL BURN!" DAN YOU NEED TO GET IN THE WATER AND SAVE THAT BOY!!!!! "NO! I QUIT! but im staying on the beach."
when life gives you lemons, you squeeze the juice into its eyes and make lemonade from its tears.
basically make a good situation as bad as it can get. well i guess you can always rape life but that might backfire somehow
so we performed a tenacious d song today (wonderboy) and all in all it could have gone worse. wasn't bad, but eugene's cord was frayed so his solo cut out and i kicked out all the plugs midsong. lol. oops. apparantly ppl liked it tho so thats good. prob the most fun ive had on stage it was awesome. and the last words at my last morning meeting that i said in front of the whole school were sexual (wonderboy's mighty juice isnt OJ). time for the showah. ill see u guys latah. maybe in an ele.....bye
so i kind of was hoping to have this summer free but im actually gonna be working alot. and i have to tell w that im quitting (for those of u who dont know, w is vineyard vines. vv. w. get it) cuz their hours suck and lifeguarding is sitting in a chair getting my tan. if i have to save anyone tho im quitting on the spot and letting someone else deal with it.
hes drowning! save him! "I QUIT!" please, he's my son!! he can't swim! "well maybe you shouldnt have taken him to a BEACH CLUB. ITS YOUR FAULT HES DROWNING AND HIS DEATH WILL FOREVER BE ON YOUR CONSCIENCE" please! please! (at this point my boss comes out) DAN! SAVE THE KID! "NO! i dont WANNA! ill get WET!" you're a lifeguard! (meanwhile the kid is unconscious) please help my son! you horrible person! DAN! GET IN THE WATER! "ITS WET AND I JUST PUT ON MY SUNSCREEN THERE HAS TO BE A TEN MINUTE DRY PERIOD BEFORE I GET WET OR THE SUNSCREEN WILL COME OFF AND ILL BURN!" DAN YOU NEED TO GET IN THE WATER AND SAVE THAT BOY!!!!! "NO! I QUIT! but im staying on the beach."
when life gives you lemons, you squeeze the juice into its eyes and make lemonade from its tears.
basically make a good situation as bad as it can get. well i guess you can always rape life but that might backfire somehow
so we performed a tenacious d song today (wonderboy) and all in all it could have gone worse. wasn't bad, but eugene's cord was frayed so his solo cut out and i kicked out all the plugs midsong. lol. oops. apparantly ppl liked it tho so thats good. prob the most fun ive had on stage it was awesome. and the last words at my last morning meeting that i said in front of the whole school were sexual (wonderboy's mighty juice isnt OJ). time for the showah. ill see u guys latah. maybe in an ele.....bye
Sunday, May 10, 2009
friday night
so jack and i were really bored on friday night. for 3 hours after school we basically sat on a couch with andrew. and talked?
so andrew left and jack and i just sat there some more trying to think of things to do, and after google searching events and finding nothing but breast cancer awareness events and yoga classes across westchester, we decided to just get in the car.
we ended up at Home Depot, where we decided to find the coolest thing in the store and buy it if its reasonably priced. we successfully convinced everyone working there that we were high by becoming really interested in deck wood composite and safety glasses. i also yelled something about a blunt which made some lady give me the most obnoxious look ever. so we continued into the outdoor department where we walked through the shrubs and debated over the price of a ten foot tree using 3 foot pines as comparisons. which didnt help our image.
upon coming back inside we went through the vaccuum section and jack and i, in our infinite weirdness, both saw the word "HUSKY" on the side of the vaccuum. and, of course, we both loudly proclaim "HUSKY!" in throaty and croaky voices. at the same time. that was bad.
we finally got into the power tool section where there were big blades and cool machines. that was fun. but i guess wed attracted some attention cuz a guy was creepily following us. jack mentioned that he could easily open up the slim jim pack that he found, eat it, and leave the wrapper without anyone knowing. all of a sudden we noticed all the cameras home depot has.
so somewhere along this adventure wed wasted an hour and a half. but we found a blowtorch that has a bendy neck. and it was CHEAP so we bought it and played with it while eating slim jims in my car in the parking lot of home depot.
we wer then bored and went to the mall but it was closed and we were disappointed so we went to dairy queen but the line was sooooo long so we drove around stamford for a few minutes. then we passed california pizza kitchen and it HIT ME. we could GO THERE. so we did. our server's name was jason. he was a very nice man and i asked him if i could have a virgin margarita. cuz regular margaritas are awesome but i cant have one so w/e ill have a virgin one. less kick, whatever. he doesnt know if its possible but we talk about them for about a minute and a half and i decide its not worth the effort. but hes like "nono ill see what i can do" and im like "ill just have a root beer" but he insists so im like ok whatever. then jack and i have a conversation about how smart he is. im not going into that. basically he could charge me for 2 drinks. and the margaritas are 8 bucks. but THERS NO ALCOHOL IN IT. shit be crazay. aneeway we get our BLT pizza with honey-wheat dough and he comes with this cup with basically ice and margarita mix. i thank him and we exchange a few laughs, have a moment, and he leaves. i drink ITS SO GOOD i decide to just go to the supermarket and buy margarita mix and drink it straight. its like as jack said- "the awesomeness of both lemons and limes together in one drink". couldnt have said it bettIVE WRITTEN SO MUCH WTF HAVE I DONE WITH THE LAST 20 MINUTES
im leaving now. cuz i have somewhat of a life.
so andrew left and jack and i just sat there some more trying to think of things to do, and after google searching events and finding nothing but breast cancer awareness events and yoga classes across westchester, we decided to just get in the car.
we ended up at Home Depot, where we decided to find the coolest thing in the store and buy it if its reasonably priced. we successfully convinced everyone working there that we were high by becoming really interested in deck wood composite and safety glasses. i also yelled something about a blunt which made some lady give me the most obnoxious look ever. so we continued into the outdoor department where we walked through the shrubs and debated over the price of a ten foot tree using 3 foot pines as comparisons. which didnt help our image.
upon coming back inside we went through the vaccuum section and jack and i, in our infinite weirdness, both saw the word "HUSKY" on the side of the vaccuum. and, of course, we both loudly proclaim "HUSKY!" in throaty and croaky voices. at the same time. that was bad.
we finally got into the power tool section where there were big blades and cool machines. that was fun. but i guess wed attracted some attention cuz a guy was creepily following us. jack mentioned that he could easily open up the slim jim pack that he found, eat it, and leave the wrapper without anyone knowing. all of a sudden we noticed all the cameras home depot has.
so somewhere along this adventure wed wasted an hour and a half. but we found a blowtorch that has a bendy neck. and it was CHEAP so we bought it and played with it while eating slim jims in my car in the parking lot of home depot.
we wer then bored and went to the mall but it was closed and we were disappointed so we went to dairy queen but the line was sooooo long so we drove around stamford for a few minutes. then we passed california pizza kitchen and it HIT ME. we could GO THERE. so we did. our server's name was jason. he was a very nice man and i asked him if i could have a virgin margarita. cuz regular margaritas are awesome but i cant have one so w/e ill have a virgin one. less kick, whatever. he doesnt know if its possible but we talk about them for about a minute and a half and i decide its not worth the effort. but hes like "nono ill see what i can do" and im like "ill just have a root beer" but he insists so im like ok whatever. then jack and i have a conversation about how smart he is. im not going into that. basically he could charge me for 2 drinks. and the margaritas are 8 bucks. but THERS NO ALCOHOL IN IT. shit be crazay. aneeway we get our BLT pizza with honey-wheat dough and he comes with this cup with basically ice and margarita mix. i thank him and we exchange a few laughs, have a moment, and he leaves. i drink ITS SO GOOD i decide to just go to the supermarket and buy margarita mix and drink it straight. its like as jack said- "the awesomeness of both lemons and limes together in one drink". couldnt have said it bettIVE WRITTEN SO MUCH WTF HAVE I DONE WITH THE LAST 20 MINUTES
im leaving now. cuz i have somewhat of a life.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
WARNING
MY NAME IS SARAH CONNOR AND IVE BEEN EXPOSED TO THE EVOLUTION OF ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE AND IF WE DON'T DO A CIRCULAR DANCE AROUND A FLAMING SACRIFICED RHINOCEROUS THE WORLD WILL END. IM TALKING GOLF BALLS SHOOTING OUT OF EYES, SPAGHETTI APPEARING IN PLACES ON THE HUMAN BODY YOUVE NEVER EVEN DISCOVERED. GEORGE BUSH WILL BE PRESIDENT AGAIN! DO YOU HEAR ME?!?!?! TOTAL ANNIHILATION!!!
if you do not want this to happen to you we must stand up against the robotic conglomerate known as Apple.........©.......... AND DEFEAT THE FINAL LEVEL IN THE GAME KNOWN AS NANOSAUR..........................©.......... WE 'RE GOING TO LIVE ON! WE'RE GOING TO SURVIVE! TODAY WE CELEBRATE OUR INDEP...oh thats not right..
if you do not want this to happen to you we must stand up against the robotic conglomerate known as Apple.........©.......... AND DEFEAT THE FINAL LEVEL IN THE GAME KNOWN AS NANOSAUR..........................©.......... WE 'RE GOING TO LIVE ON! WE'RE GOING TO SURVIVE! TODAY WE CELEBRATE OUR INDEP...oh thats not right..
Monday, April 6, 2009
collaborativa.....
so this is dan and jack, here with......nobody...
kind of alone, noone loves us. its 830 at night and weve done no homework.
weve been brainstorming on stuff to JACKS TAKING A CRAP IN HIS BATHROOM AND I SMELL IT FROM BEHIND A CLOSED DOOR
jack just came out of the bathroom stating, and i quote, "ohhh that was not one of my prouder moments"
ok now i'm here for real
ive been pondering on the nature of evil and ive decided it doesnt realy matter
how deep dan...you're truly the prophet of our generation
i verbally collapse under pressure.....BACON FRIBBLE
i love bacon...you're truly the prophet of our generation
jack has a dream catcher in his room. if one likes dreams why wuld u want them caught in a stupid little thing of mesh that an alien immigrant posing as a native american decided to sell as a genuine artifact
i like meat and i also like it being caught....so that analogy doenst work. i like lots of things caught...like salmon and their little farms
i dont know how to respond to this so ill go on to another topic. and ill skip it because it was racist. next topic is springtime. its warm...kind of...
that's nice dan...i'm so glad i'm getting to see your more sentimental side...i really appreciate you talking to me frank like this, i think we're a stronger team because of it GO TEAM
speaking of franks jack and i are gonna sell hot dogs at the baseball games. to AUTISTIC CHILDREN
well actually we're selling WILD DOGS and i think we can extend our client base to people of all intelligence and age
i realize that weve gotten really inappropriate so i apologize to all our friends of faint heart. though if youre reading this and are insulted you should be doing something better with your time. like GROWING A PAIR
of what? elaborate, good friend. on a related note, elaborate sounds like borat which is the prequel to the new sasha cohen movie bruno, which looks amazing. "what about a man with two dildos"...pure genius
i guess? thats genius? on a related note, i rape small animals.
we all saw it coming. (pun?) on an even more related note, scooters. we all need them but will never admit it. or something like that
what about segways? nobody ever gives them credit but theres reputable science there. like a gyroscope. i almostmisspelled that. on a related note, segways kind of rhymes with egg paste.
wait wait wait. segways are completely over appreciated. they're the stupidest invention since the napkin shirt. the entire problem could be solved with a 4th grade level of math by adding a fucking wheel. really? really???
what if bread was sliced the other way? like long ways? it would be so much more inconvenient.
like when the escalators are broken.
or when theres always one more piece of banana string to be peeled away
god is a cruel and merciless leader. segueing (pun?) from all this religious mumbo jumbo, one of my venus fly traps died over the long winter. the other one is now regrowing and will hopefully grow back to its original glory
so the linguistisist (yes a tongue TORNADO) on the daily show sounds exactly like the guys from monty python. what country is that?
engerland? idk i'm not a linguistisist. or a linguist. or a lemur for that matter. they should try to migrate those little guys over to westchester. i think they'd improve our otherwise mundane landscape significantly and abundantly
nice adverbs.
thanks buddy
were gonna go.
bye
don't leave me with him. all he does is talk about old war stories and encourage me to strip. it's kind of awkwarIUTSNOT TRUEd. like when the escalSTOPT YPINGators bSAY GOO DBYEreak. ok bye
kind of alone, noone loves us. its 830 at night and weve done no homework.
weve been brainstorming on stuff to JACKS TAKING A CRAP IN HIS BATHROOM AND I SMELL IT FROM BEHIND A CLOSED DOOR
jack just came out of the bathroom stating, and i quote, "ohhh that was not one of my prouder moments"
ok now i'm here for real
ive been pondering on the nature of evil and ive decided it doesnt realy matter
how deep dan...you're truly the prophet of our generation
i verbally collapse under pressure.....BACON FRIBBLE
i love bacon...you're truly the prophet of our generation
jack has a dream catcher in his room. if one likes dreams why wuld u want them caught in a stupid little thing of mesh that an alien immigrant posing as a native american decided to sell as a genuine artifact
i like meat and i also like it being caught....so that analogy doenst work. i like lots of things caught...like salmon and their little farms
i dont know how to respond to this so ill go on to another topic. and ill skip it because it was racist. next topic is springtime. its warm...kind of...
that's nice dan...i'm so glad i'm getting to see your more sentimental side...i really appreciate you talking to me frank like this, i think we're a stronger team because of it GO TEAM
speaking of franks jack and i are gonna sell hot dogs at the baseball games. to AUTISTIC CHILDREN
well actually we're selling WILD DOGS and i think we can extend our client base to people of all intelligence and age
i realize that weve gotten really inappropriate so i apologize to all our friends of faint heart. though if youre reading this and are insulted you should be doing something better with your time. like GROWING A PAIR
of what? elaborate, good friend. on a related note, elaborate sounds like borat which is the prequel to the new sasha cohen movie bruno, which looks amazing. "what about a man with two dildos"...pure genius
i guess? thats genius? on a related note, i rape small animals.
we all saw it coming. (pun?) on an even more related note, scooters. we all need them but will never admit it. or something like that
what about segways? nobody ever gives them credit but theres reputable science there. like a gyroscope. i almostmisspelled that. on a related note, segways kind of rhymes with egg paste.
wait wait wait. segways are completely over appreciated. they're the stupidest invention since the napkin shirt. the entire problem could be solved with a 4th grade level of math by adding a fucking wheel. really? really???
what if bread was sliced the other way? like long ways? it would be so much more inconvenient.
like when the escalators are broken.
or when theres always one more piece of banana string to be peeled away
god is a cruel and merciless leader. segueing (pun?) from all this religious mumbo jumbo, one of my venus fly traps died over the long winter. the other one is now regrowing and will hopefully grow back to its original glory
so the linguistisist (yes a tongue TORNADO) on the daily show sounds exactly like the guys from monty python. what country is that?
engerland? idk i'm not a linguistisist. or a linguist. or a lemur for that matter. they should try to migrate those little guys over to westchester. i think they'd improve our otherwise mundane landscape significantly and abundantly
nice adverbs.
thanks buddy
were gonna go.
bye
don't leave me with him. all he does is talk about old war stories and encourage me to strip. it's kind of awkwarIUTSNOT TRUEd. like when the escalSTOPT YPINGators bSAY GOO DBYEreak. ok bye
sibtos 7
no big deal or anything, but we finally posted the new SIBTOS that we did over vacation. i think some of the jokes are a little too inside/only funny to dan and me, but the majority is good ol' comedy at which you'll be sure to giggle.
plus, we went environmental so we're not considered pariahs by the civilized world. and by going environmental, i mean we went outside (i'm proud of me too).
plus, we went environmental so we're not considered pariahs by the civilized world. and by going environmental, i mean we went outside (i'm proud of me too).
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)