I'm going to postpone the second part of Plan 36G because I need to rant. I know I'm about 4 or 5 years late hearing Arcade Fire, but everyone in college thinks they're amazing so I downloaded Funeral. It sucks.
If I had no expectations before listening to it, maybe I would've liked it, but this is many people's favorite band. People have told me that they cried when they heard the album. Yes, actually cried.
Now, I understand that to fully "get them" I need to see them live. But no matter how much energy and gusto they put into their live shows, it won't change that their songs aren't catchy or difficult to play and their lyrics aren't even remotely deep or unique. I wouldn't be so annoyed if the band wasn't such a big deal, but I've heard too many people claim Funeral is their favorite album to let it slide as just a difference of opinion.
In terms of lyrics, they've shamelessly copied Conor Oberst to the point where I actually heard lyrics from his songs almost word for word. Unfortunately, they didn't even pick good parts. How about this gem - "I went out into the night / I went out to find some light" Really? I'm pretty sure going out into the night won't provide you with any light. Ohhh, you're trying to be ironic. I get it, saying something that doesn't make sense is so edgy. Granted, I'm sure they're going for some pseudo intellectual theme about rejecting standard truth (light) and forging their own path (dark) but that's such a painfully overused preteen philosophy I wouldn't be surprised if Hannah Montana's sung about it at some point.
Anyway, if you live under a rock like me and haven't listened to them, I'd crawl under your rock again. It's nicer there anyway. If you have listened to them and like them, I'd love to hear why because I just don't get it. On a related note, giving me free tickets to one of their concerts also works.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Friday, December 11, 2009
finals week
i microwaved a waffle. that didn't work.
ive spent more time watching movies than studying
i broke my phone screen. again.
i took a 3 hour nap today after an hour lecture at 11:15 which i woke up for at 11. and MADE IT.
ive mastered the art of morning coffee in bed. it turns on at 7:50, my alarm goes off at 8 which is when it finishes, i wake up and pour it, maybe mix in some peppermint mocha creamer (all from my bed), and hit snooze. ten minutes later i wake up and drink some, hit snooze again. ten minutes later i drink more, hit snooze again, and then i wake up and finish it. by that time the caffeine kicks in and i get up! its perfect......almost....too......per*snipershot*OMG!OMG IM BLEEDING
ive spent more time watching movies than studying
i broke my phone screen. again.
i took a 3 hour nap today after an hour lecture at 11:15 which i woke up for at 11. and MADE IT.
ive mastered the art of morning coffee in bed. it turns on at 7:50, my alarm goes off at 8 which is when it finishes, i wake up and pour it, maybe mix in some peppermint mocha creamer (all from my bed), and hit snooze. ten minutes later i wake up and drink some, hit snooze again. ten minutes later i drink more, hit snooze again, and then i wake up and finish it. by that time the caffeine kicks in and i get up! its perfect......almost....too......per*snipershot*OMG!OMG IM BLEEDING
Monday, December 7, 2009
Plan 36G
When Senator Creshla called me up, I didn't know what to think. I suppose I was a bit nervous when he revealed his plan, but who wouldn't be. Of course, I acted calmly, but I think he saw through my thin veil of confidence. I was just an ordinary citizen; how could I handle information like that? If the senator hadn't had such a warm, grandfatherly voice, I might not have even believed him.
He told me it was simply known as "Plan 36G," whatever that means. I was told to meet him in front of the Lincoln Memorial on Saturday, barely two weeks after he had called me. I was expected to drop everything on my plate and fly out there. I suppose that's just how these things work, but I didn't like it one bit.
I flew out from my sunny home in Tucson and landed in D.C. early that morning. My underlying apprehension transformed into outright fear when I saw those suits approaching me in front of the statue. Huge, bulky men with shoulders the size of an ox marched toward me. Their death black sunglasses and deep, monotonous voices stripped any human characteristics from them. I timidly followed their lead into a limousine, praying that this was a mistake. Yes, just one, big, horrible mistake. I was the wrong man for the job, clearly. How could I be the only one to see it?
We quickly swept past the polished center of town into a decrepit slum. I was visibly sweating at this point, but I didn't dare say a word about it. They wouldn't understand my fear. They were probably used to this high profile, black limo business, but me? I should've been watching Jerry Springer or watering my plants. Meeting one of the most powerful senators in the country in a dangerous slum to talk about a secret plan should not have been in my schedule.
After what seemed like hours we arrived in front of a small shed. The windows were busted and all the plants were dead. The street was empty and the only sound was distant sirens. One of the men turned to me and grunted, "Don't try anything funny." As if I had the gall! I wouldn't have been able run if they wanted me to. I gingerly walked across the yard in between them, trying desperately not to let my nerves get the better of me. We entered the shed and there he stood: Senator Creshla in all his senatorial glory.
"H-Hello, Senator," I sputtered out. "Nice to, um, finally meet you."
"Have a seat, Nathan." His voice reverberated off the jagged walls, and I immediately sat down on the dusty chair before him. I could see the black suits standing in the shadows out of the corner of my eye, terrifying me without any action at all.
"Plan 36G," he said quietly. The words sounded so grave. I felt a shiver run down my spine. "You know we need your help."
"But why me?" I nearly shouted, my pent up exasperation leaping out of my mouth before I had time to retract it.
"Nathan, we have discussed this thoroughly. Now is not the time for this juvenile banter. The time is upon us! Will you face this like a man or cower like a dog?" His aged wrinkles turned to a scowl and a sharp sting augmented his voice. I wanted to run. I wanted to scream. This was all too much for me. Nathan Lockely, was not built for this kind of stress. No, Nathan Lockely was built for modest wages and quiet Sundays. This was all wrong. "So will you help us, Nathan? I don't have to remind you of the ramifications if you refuse." The words shook me out of my reverie. I felt a twist in my stomach as I quietly mouthed "yes."
Yes. I had just said yes to Plan 36G. The plan that would change it all. The ominous fear that had been shrouding this great country for so long was about to be abolished with a single blow. Midgets would finally be bred out of existence. The world would never be the same.
Part II to follow
He told me it was simply known as "Plan 36G," whatever that means. I was told to meet him in front of the Lincoln Memorial on Saturday, barely two weeks after he had called me. I was expected to drop everything on my plate and fly out there. I suppose that's just how these things work, but I didn't like it one bit.
I flew out from my sunny home in Tucson and landed in D.C. early that morning. My underlying apprehension transformed into outright fear when I saw those suits approaching me in front of the statue. Huge, bulky men with shoulders the size of an ox marched toward me. Their death black sunglasses and deep, monotonous voices stripped any human characteristics from them. I timidly followed their lead into a limousine, praying that this was a mistake. Yes, just one, big, horrible mistake. I was the wrong man for the job, clearly. How could I be the only one to see it?
We quickly swept past the polished center of town into a decrepit slum. I was visibly sweating at this point, but I didn't dare say a word about it. They wouldn't understand my fear. They were probably used to this high profile, black limo business, but me? I should've been watching Jerry Springer or watering my plants. Meeting one of the most powerful senators in the country in a dangerous slum to talk about a secret plan should not have been in my schedule.
After what seemed like hours we arrived in front of a small shed. The windows were busted and all the plants were dead. The street was empty and the only sound was distant sirens. One of the men turned to me and grunted, "Don't try anything funny." As if I had the gall! I wouldn't have been able run if they wanted me to. I gingerly walked across the yard in between them, trying desperately not to let my nerves get the better of me. We entered the shed and there he stood: Senator Creshla in all his senatorial glory.
"H-Hello, Senator," I sputtered out. "Nice to, um, finally meet you."
"Have a seat, Nathan." His voice reverberated off the jagged walls, and I immediately sat down on the dusty chair before him. I could see the black suits standing in the shadows out of the corner of my eye, terrifying me without any action at all.
"Plan 36G," he said quietly. The words sounded so grave. I felt a shiver run down my spine. "You know we need your help."
"But why me?" I nearly shouted, my pent up exasperation leaping out of my mouth before I had time to retract it.
"Nathan, we have discussed this thoroughly. Now is not the time for this juvenile banter. The time is upon us! Will you face this like a man or cower like a dog?" His aged wrinkles turned to a scowl and a sharp sting augmented his voice. I wanted to run. I wanted to scream. This was all too much for me. Nathan Lockely, was not built for this kind of stress. No, Nathan Lockely was built for modest wages and quiet Sundays. This was all wrong. "So will you help us, Nathan? I don't have to remind you of the ramifications if you refuse." The words shook me out of my reverie. I felt a twist in my stomach as I quietly mouthed "yes."
Yes. I had just said yes to Plan 36G. The plan that would change it all. The ominous fear that had been shrouding this great country for so long was about to be abolished with a single blow. Midgets would finally be bred out of existence. The world would never be the same.
Part II to follow
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Christmas Do's and Dont's
its that time of year again, and lo, were expected to give people things. yeah i don't look forward to it either. in fact around october i realize that i have to remember to leave money for christmas gifts, and every october i end up PLANNING MY FINANCES. (insert scary ghost noise). anyway, here are some helpful tips when it comes to buying these bundles of joy for OTHER PEOPLE:
1. when giving gift cards, buy in increments of one dollar and please, nothing under $11. if it's ten people will know you're cheap and if it has 26.43 on it, guess what- youre busted. mister secret santa is now a pack rat, not an elf czar.
2. there is nothing wrong with cold hard cash. at least for a college student. IMPORTANT: this does not apply to mothers, grandparents, or dying relatives.
3. iTunes gift cards, not gift cards to Sam Goody (if thats still even in existence) or FYE. who wants to 1) pay more for an album and 2) pay for the songs they dont want? please.
4. if youre buying something perishable like bad chocolate or fresh pears from harry and david, don't store them in your home refrigerator. rather, use nature's refrigerator: winter. if some animals get into it, just say that you went through hell to get the gift. it reflects well on you.
5. if one christmas morning you seem to have gotten the same thing as your parents for someone, take the low road and say that they only need one. take it back.
6. everyone loves chocolate covered strawberries. everyone. even if they say they don't or they're allergic. they love them. get them chocolate covered strawberries.
7. if on christmas, you wake up from a month long acid trip, fret not. capture a squirrel, put a bow around its head, and present it as a puppy. if they ask questions, say it was prematurely born and needs a home. if it starts making squirrel noises and jumping on people's faces, well, maybe you shouldn't have done ten hits in one night in the first place.
8. mothers. this is the hard part. ninety percent of gifts received by mothers are returned. whether you know of it or not. you have to find the perfect one. fortunately, im here to help you:
mothers like services, not goods. unless those goods are made of chocolate, but that kind ofgift is reserved for the spouse. if you are one of those, stop reading, youre good. if not, like I said. massages, manicures, even maid service. but dan, you say, these things are expensive. this is why you get everyone else to pitch in while secretly running a christmas ponzi scheme. except noone ever finds out that you not only used their money to buy a nice massage for mom, you went to coldstone and got a "gotta have it". on THEMz!
9. everyone loves a toto album. every song too so you dont run into the usual problem.
10. inappropriate posters, albeit funny, create awkward situations christmas morning in front of the camera recording a video being sent to said grandparents and dying relatives. they don't know this side of you. keep it that way. else you are subject to a long speech during family reunion dinners about how the young generation is losing its values. and guess who's giving you the eye every couple of seconds during the speech? grandpa. your parents too cuz they know u screwed up. except theyre laughing internally while pretending to be disappointed.
11. girlfriends: lingerie or chocolate. its very, very easy. don't tell me shes not like other girlfriends. she is.
12. brothers: gamestop gift cards. i know I would love one. or those awesome remote control helicopters.
13. on christmas morning, get up first. i know this is hard and not as exciting as it was when you were 7 because you don't regularly get up at 4 in the morning, but do it cuz i say. go into your parents room and jump on their bed asking to go open presents. do this every 10 minutes or until one of them punches you in the face. while lying bleeding on the floor, contemplate the magic of christmas.
14. be honest in your gift giving. but not too honest. if you were too honest, you would give your fat uncle slim fast bars instead of D&D. btw, dunkin donuts is probably the only corporation that doesn't jack it's prices for the holiday season. therefore, the first place you should start is there. everyone could use another coffee thermos. or donut even (depends on when you're buying- that would be the week of or so). after that, hair salons. everyone runs out of shampoo at some point.
15. write everyone poems. this was what i did last year. it was awesome. because people are drawn (temporarily) away from the fact that you got them a frying pan or a box of bolts, and they appreciate the crayon and construction paper juvenility of the whole scene. for these few seconds, you can really honestly feel loved. this is what christmas is all about.
so to recap: 11 dollar gift cards, cash, itunes, store pears outside, confiscate repeat gifts, chocolate covered strawberries, puppy squirrel, christmas ponzi scheme, toto, no funny/crude posters, lingerie/chocolate, gamestop, get punched in the face by ur mom, dunkin donuts, poems.
happy holidays!
1. when giving gift cards, buy in increments of one dollar and please, nothing under $11. if it's ten people will know you're cheap and if it has 26.43 on it, guess what- youre busted. mister secret santa is now a pack rat, not an elf czar.
2. there is nothing wrong with cold hard cash. at least for a college student. IMPORTANT: this does not apply to mothers, grandparents, or dying relatives.
3. iTunes gift cards, not gift cards to Sam Goody (if thats still even in existence) or FYE. who wants to 1) pay more for an album and 2) pay for the songs they dont want? please.
4. if youre buying something perishable like bad chocolate or fresh pears from harry and david, don't store them in your home refrigerator. rather, use nature's refrigerator: winter. if some animals get into it, just say that you went through hell to get the gift. it reflects well on you.
5. if one christmas morning you seem to have gotten the same thing as your parents for someone, take the low road and say that they only need one. take it back.
6. everyone loves chocolate covered strawberries. everyone. even if they say they don't or they're allergic. they love them. get them chocolate covered strawberries.
7. if on christmas, you wake up from a month long acid trip, fret not. capture a squirrel, put a bow around its head, and present it as a puppy. if they ask questions, say it was prematurely born and needs a home. if it starts making squirrel noises and jumping on people's faces, well, maybe you shouldn't have done ten hits in one night in the first place.
8. mothers. this is the hard part. ninety percent of gifts received by mothers are returned. whether you know of it or not. you have to find the perfect one. fortunately, im here to help you:
mothers like services, not goods. unless those goods are made of chocolate, but that kind ofgift is reserved for the spouse. if you are one of those, stop reading, youre good. if not, like I said. massages, manicures, even maid service. but dan, you say, these things are expensive. this is why you get everyone else to pitch in while secretly running a christmas ponzi scheme. except noone ever finds out that you not only used their money to buy a nice massage for mom, you went to coldstone and got a "gotta have it". on THEMz!
9. everyone loves a toto album. every song too so you dont run into the usual problem.
10. inappropriate posters, albeit funny, create awkward situations christmas morning in front of the camera recording a video being sent to said grandparents and dying relatives. they don't know this side of you. keep it that way. else you are subject to a long speech during family reunion dinners about how the young generation is losing its values. and guess who's giving you the eye every couple of seconds during the speech? grandpa. your parents too cuz they know u screwed up. except theyre laughing internally while pretending to be disappointed.
11. girlfriends: lingerie or chocolate. its very, very easy. don't tell me shes not like other girlfriends. she is.
12. brothers: gamestop gift cards. i know I would love one. or those awesome remote control helicopters.
13. on christmas morning, get up first. i know this is hard and not as exciting as it was when you were 7 because you don't regularly get up at 4 in the morning, but do it cuz i say. go into your parents room and jump on their bed asking to go open presents. do this every 10 minutes or until one of them punches you in the face. while lying bleeding on the floor, contemplate the magic of christmas.
14. be honest in your gift giving. but not too honest. if you were too honest, you would give your fat uncle slim fast bars instead of D&D. btw, dunkin donuts is probably the only corporation that doesn't jack it's prices for the holiday season. therefore, the first place you should start is there. everyone could use another coffee thermos. or donut even (depends on when you're buying- that would be the week of or so). after that, hair salons. everyone runs out of shampoo at some point.
15. write everyone poems. this was what i did last year. it was awesome. because people are drawn (temporarily) away from the fact that you got them a frying pan or a box of bolts, and they appreciate the crayon and construction paper juvenility of the whole scene. for these few seconds, you can really honestly feel loved. this is what christmas is all about.
so to recap: 11 dollar gift cards, cash, itunes, store pears outside, confiscate repeat gifts, chocolate covered strawberries, puppy squirrel, christmas ponzi scheme, toto, no funny/crude posters, lingerie/chocolate, gamestop, get punched in the face by ur mom, dunkin donuts, poems.
happy holidays!
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Why I Don't Like Music Videos
Every morning I have breakfast at the "By George" Cafe in central campus. Why is it called "By George," you ask? Because it's by the George Washington statue! *cue laughs* Still, it has a pretty good selection so I can't complain.
The relevancy of this, though, is that they have TVs everywhere showing mtvU. What is mtvU, you ask? Well, apparently, a long, long time ago MTV actually showed music videos. At a certain point they decided that MusicTeleVision didn't need music and decided to air a plethora of ridiculous reality shows. When people started complaining that they would rather see music than clean shaven monkeys attempting conversation, MTV created a new channel, MTV2. Originally, MTV2 only showed music videos. However, the execs at MTV went through a bit of deja vu and again forgot that the M in MTV stood for music and started airing reality shows that wouldn't fit on MTV or MTV2. Why not, right?
So at some point or another, they created mtvU. I think the U stands for yoU (who needs spelling...), implying that the other channels are for someone else, but I won't complain too long since this channel actually broadcasts music videos. Crazy! I'm not sure how long it'll be until they start adding reality shows to it, but the point is that currently, they show a pretty good variety of music videos.
On to the main point! I don't like music videos. It's not that I'm a snob who thinks that bands put too much effort into their looks and not into their music. I'm not that pretentious. My problem is that they have absolutely nothing to do with the actual meaning behind the song. To demonstrate my point, here is what I'm pretty sure goes down:
A bunch of dudes realize they're not half bad at playing instruments and start a band. Let's assume they're attention whores and name their band "Heartbreak City Here We Come" No, that's not that absurd of a name. I've seen worse: As I Lay Dying, Bullet for My Valentine, Casiotone for the Painfully Alone, The Pains of Being Pure at Heart, And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead. Yes, these are real band names.
So this band, HCHWC, needs a hit song. The only creative guy in the group just got over a heart-wrenching breakup and decides to pour out his soul. The first few drafts of the song are just him sobbing into the microphone, but eventually he comes up with some pretty legit lyrics. Let's say he uses a ship sailing alone into a stormy ocean to represent how he's feeling. Hey, with a catchy chorus and bass part it could work.
After writing a bunch of other songs, the band comes out with an album. Let's call it "Lessons in Loneliness, Pt. 1" This band is getting more and more emo... To gain popularity, the band tours constantly for a year and finally gets some attention from a major label. The label loves their frantic songs and wants to re-release their album with a few more songs and a music video for their hit.
Here's where the problem is. The band spent a few months rerecording and finetuning the album with legit equipment after spending a year touring the country after spending a few months writing and practicing. A lot of time has passed since emo-boy's girlfriend broke up with him. On top of that, since the band's rise in popularity, they've been getting a ton of ass and emo-boy has completely forgotten about what's-her-name.
When the director of the video plans out the setting and plot with the band, all he knows is that the song is about a ship. The songwriter could pretend he still cares about his old girlfriend and moan about how lonely he feels, but that's a blatant lie. He doesn't remember how he felt when he wrote the song, and even if he does, his life has changed drastically. The video should depict an evil/monsterlike/stupid girl ruining the guy's life. Instead, the band dresses up as hipster pirates and has a foodfight on a boat flying above an ocean made of paper-mache. Let's throw in a dancing dragon too, it's artistic.
I can confidently say that this summarizes every single music video in the last ten years. Prove me wrong.
The relevancy of this, though, is that they have TVs everywhere showing mtvU. What is mtvU, you ask? Well, apparently, a long, long time ago MTV actually showed music videos. At a certain point they decided that MusicTeleVision didn't need music and decided to air a plethora of ridiculous reality shows. When people started complaining that they would rather see music than clean shaven monkeys attempting conversation, MTV created a new channel, MTV2. Originally, MTV2 only showed music videos. However, the execs at MTV went through a bit of deja vu and again forgot that the M in MTV stood for music and started airing reality shows that wouldn't fit on MTV or MTV2. Why not, right?
So at some point or another, they created mtvU. I think the U stands for yoU (who needs spelling...), implying that the other channels are for someone else, but I won't complain too long since this channel actually broadcasts music videos. Crazy! I'm not sure how long it'll be until they start adding reality shows to it, but the point is that currently, they show a pretty good variety of music videos.
On to the main point! I don't like music videos. It's not that I'm a snob who thinks that bands put too much effort into their looks and not into their music. I'm not that pretentious. My problem is that they have absolutely nothing to do with the actual meaning behind the song. To demonstrate my point, here is what I'm pretty sure goes down:
A bunch of dudes realize they're not half bad at playing instruments and start a band. Let's assume they're attention whores and name their band "Heartbreak City Here We Come" No, that's not that absurd of a name. I've seen worse: As I Lay Dying, Bullet for My Valentine, Casiotone for the Painfully Alone, The Pains of Being Pure at Heart, And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead. Yes, these are real band names.
So this band, HCHWC, needs a hit song. The only creative guy in the group just got over a heart-wrenching breakup and decides to pour out his soul. The first few drafts of the song are just him sobbing into the microphone, but eventually he comes up with some pretty legit lyrics. Let's say he uses a ship sailing alone into a stormy ocean to represent how he's feeling. Hey, with a catchy chorus and bass part it could work.
After writing a bunch of other songs, the band comes out with an album. Let's call it "Lessons in Loneliness, Pt. 1" This band is getting more and more emo... To gain popularity, the band tours constantly for a year and finally gets some attention from a major label. The label loves their frantic songs and wants to re-release their album with a few more songs and a music video for their hit.
Here's where the problem is. The band spent a few months rerecording and finetuning the album with legit equipment after spending a year touring the country after spending a few months writing and practicing. A lot of time has passed since emo-boy's girlfriend broke up with him. On top of that, since the band's rise in popularity, they've been getting a ton of ass and emo-boy has completely forgotten about what's-her-name.
When the director of the video plans out the setting and plot with the band, all he knows is that the song is about a ship. The songwriter could pretend he still cares about his old girlfriend and moan about how lonely he feels, but that's a blatant lie. He doesn't remember how he felt when he wrote the song, and even if he does, his life has changed drastically. The video should depict an evil/monsterlike/stupid girl ruining the guy's life. Instead, the band dresses up as hipster pirates and has a foodfight on a boat flying above an ocean made of paper-mache. Let's throw in a dancing dragon too, it's artistic.
I can confidently say that this summarizes every single music video in the last ten years. Prove me wrong.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
dentists
dentists get too much shit for what they do. by that i mean people ridicule them for being dentists too much. okay yeah theyre kind of creepy and ask you awkward questions about girls when youre in the chair (I had a strange dentist as a child) but in the end, when youre in dire need of someone to drill plaque out of the depths of your mouth, who else are you going to go to? believe me, this is your best bet. and when its all over, they give you FREE SHIT like mint or strawberry tasting dental floss and a new toothbrush. what would be better, albeit ironic, is a milky way or candy of some sort. then they wouldnt have me complaining about the whole girlfriend interrogation. its even worse when you actually do like a girl cuz he somehow KNEW when i was lying so i had to go down THAT road answering questions about her and how often i see her.. looking back this guy was kind of a pedo... anyway what beats the wonderful feeling of a clean mouth thats just been scrubbed with the equivalent of industrial strength cleaner? they have a toothbrush attached to a freaking hose going into the ground- how much more badass can you really get? i guess if their chairs had leather straps to hold you down, but that may be going too far. if i were a dentist i would make slurpy noises every time i put the vaccuum hose thing in their mouths to enhance the effect (its a wonderful sensation. have you ever gone home after the dentist and just eyed your floor vacuum? me neither. but i will next time.) id also jerk my arm and shout obscenities loudly when their mouth is numb and then have a camera take pictures of their faces at the same time. id put it in a nice photo album from walmart for them to take home. it will say "my first cavity". even if its not. the world of dentistry has so far to go, but at least theyve got the whole science thing down first. it would be different if i was in a chair with my mouth numb, i saw the guy jerk his arm and yell OH SHIT and THEN saw blood all over his hands while starting to feel lightheaded. there are prerequisites for dentists to be able to screw with their patients. this is one of them. the other is having proper insurance because im sure there are several law suits in what i just described.
so all in all, dentistry isnt that bad of a job. however, taking into account basically all that i just said a dentist could do is outlawed, i guess it kind of is a crappy job. but hey its a living and whenever you dont have any patients you can play with those weird planes-attached-to strings-on-a-stick thing hanging from the ceiling. i always wanted to whirl that around my head as a kid. idk. just an instinct. and it seemed that every dentist i went to had them. maybe its standard equipment to calm the patient when the dentist actually does sever their nerves permanently..*oh the numbness will go down in an hour or so*...*jude get the keys were leaving town* lol ok ive written too much. YAY DENTISTS THAT ARENT PEDOPHILES!
so all in all, dentistry isnt that bad of a job. however, taking into account basically all that i just said a dentist could do is outlawed, i guess it kind of is a crappy job. but hey its a living and whenever you dont have any patients you can play with those weird planes-attached-to strings-on-a-stick thing hanging from the ceiling. i always wanted to whirl that around my head as a kid. idk. just an instinct. and it seemed that every dentist i went to had them. maybe its standard equipment to calm the patient when the dentist actually does sever their nerves permanently..*oh the numbness will go down in an hour or so*...*jude get the keys were leaving town* lol ok ive written too much. YAY DENTISTS THAT ARENT PEDOPHILES!
Saturday, November 14, 2009
I Think I'm Dumb (Maybe Just Happy)
So I don't know how to plan well, apparently. Here's how it started:
So my friend really wanted to see that shitty apocalypse movie, 2012. I agreed to go with him. We took a bus downtown to the nearest theater that was showing it. It was just as shitty as I had expected, but that's not the point. The point is that I was in charge of planning (he's from China and doesn't know how to navigate the city very well) and I didn't plan on the movie getting out so late.
Mistake 1: The movie got out at 1:20AM, and I didn't bother checking the bus schedule. If I had, I would've realized that there were no more buses after about midnight.
Mistake 2: We could've taken a taxi, but neither one of us wanted to spend the money. So we decided to walk.
Mistake 3: I pulled out my GPS and found out that it was an hour and a half walk. Instead of trusting the GPS's estimate of how fast we could walk, I decided that we could could make it in half the time.
Conclusion: 2 hours later, we finally got back and now I'm writing this. I'm truly tired and exhausted and now I have absolutely no confidence in my decision making. Also, 2012 sucked.
So my friend really wanted to see that shitty apocalypse movie, 2012. I agreed to go with him. We took a bus downtown to the nearest theater that was showing it. It was just as shitty as I had expected, but that's not the point. The point is that I was in charge of planning (he's from China and doesn't know how to navigate the city very well) and I didn't plan on the movie getting out so late.
Mistake 1: The movie got out at 1:20AM, and I didn't bother checking the bus schedule. If I had, I would've realized that there were no more buses after about midnight.
Mistake 2: We could've taken a taxi, but neither one of us wanted to spend the money. So we decided to walk.
Mistake 3: I pulled out my GPS and found out that it was an hour and a half walk. Instead of trusting the GPS's estimate of how fast we could walk, I decided that we could could make it in half the time.
Conclusion: 2 hours later, we finally got back and now I'm writing this. I'm truly tired and exhausted and now I have absolutely no confidence in my decision making. Also, 2012 sucked.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
uggs
why is it unacceptable for a man to wear uggs? theyre comfortable, you can wear them on your feet, they have an uncanny resemblance to mocassins, and they provide a utopia for your feet if you walk in the snow with them. it makes you feel special and protected. like nothing can ever harm you again. plan foiled, snow!!
that is all.
that is all.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
naps
naps are awesome
they make me feel better
as chicks fly for the first time
as birds of a feather
they make me less tired
unless i sleep too long
which happens very often
i might just sing a song. about it.
lalalala naps are great
they make me want
to bake a cake
my rhyme scheme is skewed
like beef on a shishkabob
but thats okay
because my rhymes are delicious
like the beef.
i lost sight of the topic
now lets get back to the naps
they make me myopic
just like a blind cat
naps are the best
on a snowy or rainy day
i fall asleep so easily
especially if im in a bail of hay
eric clapton makes me sleep better
because of his wavy guitar patterns
falling asleep has never been better
i dream of giant urns.
i might take a nap right now
my bed looks so comfy
as i climb into the bed
i remember that moo says the cow.
i cant rhyme very well
as you can see
but random animal sounds
always make people feel free.
good night i say to you
as i depart this string of consciousness
i go to sleep now
nothing rhymes with consciousness.
YAY.
they make me feel better
as chicks fly for the first time
as birds of a feather
they make me less tired
unless i sleep too long
which happens very often
i might just sing a song. about it.
lalalala naps are great
they make me want
to bake a cake
my rhyme scheme is skewed
like beef on a shishkabob
but thats okay
because my rhymes are delicious
like the beef.
i lost sight of the topic
now lets get back to the naps
they make me myopic
just like a blind cat
naps are the best
on a snowy or rainy day
i fall asleep so easily
especially if im in a bail of hay
eric clapton makes me sleep better
because of his wavy guitar patterns
falling asleep has never been better
i dream of giant urns.
i might take a nap right now
my bed looks so comfy
as i climb into the bed
i remember that moo says the cow.
i cant rhyme very well
as you can see
but random animal sounds
always make people feel free.
good night i say to you
as i depart this string of consciousness
i go to sleep now
nothing rhymes with consciousness.
YAY.
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